EAT PRAY LOVE is a book I find very hard to review. The whole point of reviewing a book is to be able to judge it from a distance. I cannot do this with EAT PRAY LOVE. I am obsessed with the magic that is this book and the enormous talent that is Elizabeth Gilbert. I want to meet this woman. Okay, I’ll be honest, I want to BE this woman.

EAT PRAY LOVE is the memoir of award winning writer, Elizabeth Gilbert’s one year sabbatical from a life that seems to be collapsing around her. She’s coming out of a nasty divorce, her husband wants to take her for everything she’s worth, her new lover is infatuated one day, distant the next, and she’s on a cocktail of pills for her chronic depression and anxiety.

Like many of us at times like this, Elizabeth wants to get away, but unlike the majority of us, she actually does it, embarking on a trip to ITALY, INDIA and BALI She does what so many of us dream of doing - escaping the mundane of our daily troubles, breaking out of our comfort zone and reshaping our lives in a fundamental way.

And so begins the journey that is EAT PRAY LOVE. She finds pleasure in food and language in Italy, spirituality through meditation and prayer in an Indian ashram, and ends up falling in love with herself, life and her future husband in Bali. However, the most important journey of all is the one that is within, and this is where Elizabeth Gilbert has laid herself bare. She writes with an honesty that is at times uncomfortable, publicly revealing her fears, neuroses and regular bouts of self pity so we can share her often pot-holed, roundabout road to self-acceptance.

The book starts with her sobbing on the bathroom floor night after night as she slowly comes to the realization that her marriage and her life does not reflect what she wants for her future. She is married, financially comfortable, trying to have a baby, basically she knows she SHOULD feel blessed, but she doesn’t. She is tortured by the sense that her life has gone terribly off-track somewhere. She loves her husband and doesn’t want to leave him, but then she also doesn’t want to be with him. So she stays trapped in her misery, unable to move forward in any direction .

I think any woman who has had a committed relationship break down can relate to her struggles here. Relationships end for many reasons, which are often too complicated to articulate, and I respected the fact that Elizabeth Gilbert refused to get into the whys and wherefores of her divorce. The details of her relationship with her ex-husband are not our business, and more importantly not what this book is about.

EAT PRAY LOVE is not about how to survive divorce, or how to find love, or how to travel the world paid for by a publisher (though I wish she gave us tips on that because I’d be very interested). EAT PRAY LOVE is not even a travelogue.

This book is a memoir of self-discovery and a spiritual quest. A story of how one controlling, high strung woman crosses the world in search of inner peace and happiness. What she finds is the love, acceptance and serenity she’d been looking for were never missing. They were always inside of her, and have been found in the silence of meditation, the warmth of a smile, a gratitude for life, an open heart and an acceptance and honoring of self.

The fact that this book is so much about Elizabeth Gilbert - how she feels, what she is scared of, obsessed with, raging against - is the most common criticism of the book on Amazon. People complain that she is narcissistic and shallow, and the book doesn’t give enough of a feel for the countries she is in. But, I think these reviewers are missing the point of the book. The bi-line of EAT PRAY LOVE says One Woman’s Search for Everything. Hello - if that doesn’t say memoir, then I don’t know what does.

So many women in this day and age, I believe, can relate to this book. It is not just a book for divorcees, or those on a spiritual quest. This book is for anyone who has questioned where their life is going, what it’s all about and how can they be happy with themselves.

At the beginning of the book, Elizabeth Gilbert cannot be alone. She cannot let life be. She must control, achieve, and obsess over her lovers and her failures. She describes herself in relationships as a cross between “a golden retriever and a barnacle”, and says she could “make friends with the dead”, anything so she is not left alone with her own thoughts.

How many of us are like this today? In a world where we can effectively do something all the time, many people fill their lives with one meaningless activity after another., Busy busy busy. That’s the name of the game. And if a part of us starts to suspect that this isn’t all life was meant to be, well we shut that voice up by going shopping.

I could go on and on about this book, but I think ultimately you need to read it for yourself. So read EAT PRAY LOVE. It’s a life changing kind of book. It’s written with humor and empathy and great insight. I love this book. I wish I had written this book.

Photo by momma a

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I found this on YOU-TUBE while killing time trying not to do any work. It completely made me laugh and shows sometimes procrastination can be a good thing. I wish I had been at this wedding; these people sure know how to have fun. If this couple approach the rest of their life with such humor and enthusiasm, I predict they’ll have a long and happy marriage.I’ll be back tomorrow with a review of my latest obsession, Elizabeth Gilbert’s EAT, PRAY, LOVE. Until then

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If you have ever so much as glanced through this blog, you will know I am all for the empowerment of women. With this in mind, Hillary Clinton should be my obvious choice for the next US presidency, but in reality it’s not that simple. I am a human being before I am a woman, and as a human being I believe that the world cannot afford another wily politician in the White House.

Whether we like it or not, the President of the United States of America is the most powerful leader in the world. His/her decisions and policies have an enormous impact on world peace, environmental progress, and the global economy. Here in Australia, our government has had a very long and dependent relationship with the USA, which means a change in the presidency has a trickle down effect which can have a very real and negative impact on the lives of ordinary Australians. Just ask the Australian troops sent to Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam and Kuwait .

In many ways the world is at the mercy of the United States, and this means it matters to all of us who sits in the Oval Office. After the chaos and war mongering of the Bush years, the world needs new hope, integrity, inclusiveness, peace. It needs the quiet confidence and vision of Barack Obama. Sorry Hillary, you’re just too polished and false.

Of course, this is all irrelevant because I don’t get to vote in the US elections, and either Clinton or Obama still has to beat a Republican in the final race. But, I’m going to be optimistic here and assume a Democrat is going to be the next President of the United States, and that Democrat should be Barack Obama. In a world on the edge, where everything is spin and too little is being done to lead us into a new day, a visionary leader is what we need. A leader with conviction, someone who actually cares and doesn’t just mouth the right words.

That’s why I wish I could vote for Barack Obama as President. That’s why YOU should vote for Barack Obama. Vote for someone who believes in a better, fairer America. A better, fairer world. Just once. Just once.

And for those who want real convincing, check out this great article by Caroline Kennedy, A President Like My Father. She says all that needs to be said.

Kelly

Photo provided by gabriel_michael

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“As a woman I have no country. As a woman my country is the whole world.”
—Virginia Woolf

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This is a continuation of Tuesday’s article, How to be a ‘Super Mom’. It gives a few more tips for how to raise happy, healthy kids, while staying sane and happy yourself.

Motherhood shakes up your life, changes your priorities and involves an element of sacrifice. However, there should be a limit to this sacrifice because martyrdom is exhausting and robs your children of a special opportunity. The opportunity to see who you are as a person, your unique gifts, your ultimate happy self. Our children need to learn that mom is not just their to serve. Mom is a human being with needs, dreams, someone who should be valued and appreciated.

To recap, the first 5 Tips were:

1. Take care of yourself first
2. Spend one-on-one time with your children
3. Banish guilt!
4. Decide on your family values, and LIVE THEM
5. Protect the family unit - husbands need love too

And now to continue…

6. Get a life and leave your child’s alone!

Do not try and fulfill your own dashed dreams through your children. They have their own personality and their own journey. They do not need the extra baggage of trying to please you. Life is hard enough; your children will be exposed to enough pressure and judgment from the others. They do not need the added pressure of giving you what you could never achieve in your own life. We all want what’s best for our children. But we need to focus on THEIR BEST. Not ours.

7. Love your children unconditionally

Sometimes our children are easy to love, sometimes they are not. Sometimes we wonder why they are so determined to make life hard for themselves, or for us. We despair of what will happen to them out in the big, bad world. There is only one thing to remember here. Your children can only be WHO THEY ARE. You can help them find their best self, teach them about positive choices and consequences, but they must make their own mistakes. You just practice loving them NO MATTER WHAT.

8. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good

Children are stressful. Raising them and making the big decisions in life is stressful. Surround yourself with people who love and support you, and make you laugh. Do not give your time to those who will judge you, criticize you or try to make you feel less than you are.

9. Set boundaries.

Predictable boundaries make children feel safe, whilst teaching them how to be good citizens, so they are empathetic to their fellow human beings. So they are loving and empathetic to you! Set boundaries so your husband or wife knows what you need and your children know that you have rights too. They are one part of the family. They are not everything. This is crucial to their understanding of how they fit in the real world. A self-obsessed 30 year old, who still throws tantrums to get what they want is not an attractive sight.

10. Do not be a One Woman Show – Get Help When You Need It!

Being a ‘Super Mom’ does NOT mean doing it all. Delegate! Learn to BE A GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER. Even if you are a stay-at-home-mother, you are not a slave. Make sure your husband has some chores to do so he appreciates what it takes to run a household. Take time out for yourself. Keep your girl friends. Never had girlfriends? Find some! Join a gym, talk to women in the park, anything. But get a life of your own. And when it’s all too hard, ASK FOR HELP!

These ideas are just the tip of the ice-berg, and I do not claim to have all the answers. Parenting is deeply personal because it encapsulates everything that we are and everything that we hope our children will be. I welcome the opportunity to hear some of your thoughts, and will leave you with one last mantra I live by.

IF YOU TRULY GIVE YOUR BEST, THEN YOUR BEST IS GOOD ENOUGH


Photo by Christine [cbszeto]

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Australia awoke this morning to the news that one of its most talented sons, Academy Award nominated actor, Heath Ledger, was dead at the age of 28.

In our country, there are only a handful of international stars. People who have crossed the world to make their mark in the golden mecca that is Hollywood. These Australians are trail blazers for those with big dreams. Our Nic (Kidman), Naomi (Watts), Russ (Crowe), Cate (Blanchett) and Heath are put on a precarious pedestal where everything they say is news and their every move is dogged by the local paparazzi.

So when someone like Heath Ledger dies, Australia goes into shock. His fame is enough for even our Prime Minister to offer his condolences. We are treated to endless updates on the circumstances of his death and for many there is a sense that this is not real. How can a man who achieved a phenomenal level of success, who was still so young and full of promise, be gone?

For me, the day started like any other. I woke up, fed my son, debated what to have for breakfast and then turned on the computer to find that the world had changed while I slept. An actor I truly admired, a fellow Australian, a man almost a decade younger than myself, had died. It was one of those moments when I am reminded that life can be painfully brief. Today, you’re drinking coffee and wondering what to do on the weekend. Tomorrow, it’s all over and there will be no more weekends. That’s life. Unpredictable. Unfair. Apt to be extinguished swiftly and without warning.

Contrary to my headline, Heath Ledger was not a “Movie Star”. He was not a public party animal or a gossip column joke. He was an actor’s actor. A private man who struggled with his fame, was uncomfortable on red carpets and surly in interviews. But most of all, he was a rare talent. An untrained actor who made bold choices and showed glimpses of greatness. A unique individual lost too soon.

These are just some of the reasons I was a fan, and have been since Heath’s break out performance in the Australian gangster film, Two Hands. Even though he was still a teenager at the time, it was obvious that this guy had it all, including that elusive X Factor. He had an intensity that leaped from the screen and would soon see him hand picked by Hollywood heavyweight, Mel Gibson, for his film, The Patriot.

The media are having a field day with this tragic story. It’s a better ending than they could ever ask for. Youth, beauty, talent, drugs, and a mysterious death. It is a cruel irony that a man who loathed the spotlight, who worked so hard to be a serious actor, could become in death the one thing he never wanted to be. A salacious tale. Another celebrity felled by drugs. His talent and his dedication to his craft forgotten. It will be the ultimate tragedy if that is how he is remembered.

It’s enough to make me avoid the news. I want to see tributes, a celebration of an extraordinary life. Not the continued speculation on how and why he died. To me, it really doesn’t matter. A young man is gone. Performances that I loved in films like Brokeback Mountain and Candy will never be repeated. A daughter will never know her father.

For all the fans, I say let us remember Heath Ledger as he would have wanted. An everyday Aussie bloke, a gifted actor, a loving father, a man living his dream.

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PARENTING IS THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD. There is no rule book, it’s a job which receives no sick days or holidays, and there’s that gnawing fear that we may not be doing a good job. That we could, in fact, be stuffing it up entirely.

Children are wonderful. With their trusting hearts, gap-toothed smiles, and small, peanut butter hands which are always drawn to our best clothing. Children are so alive, so trusting that they make us want to be perfect. And herein lies the problem, because of course we are not.

So, is it ever possible to be a ‘Super Mom’? The mother you always dreamed you would become. I say yes, you just need to consider what you define as ‘Super’. Here are the first 5 of my Top 10 Tips for becoming a ‘Super Mom’:

1. Take care of yourself first

I know some of you are balking as I write this, but you cannot be a good mother if you do not meet your own needs. Mothers are usually the hub of the family; the ones who keep everyone and everything together. You need to be at your best, and this means giving yourself the love and care you deserve. Ask yourself what you want, find the joy in your life and don’t sacrifice it for anyone. The happier you are, the more energy and love you have to give your family.

Remember, you are also a ROLE MODEL for your children. Show them a positive, fulfilled woman in charge of her life. A woman who has a loving partner and a LIFE OF HER OWN. Don’t show them that their future involves being tired and angry, bitter and negative. Or worse yet, the door-mat for a selfish husband.

2. Spend one-on-one time with your children

To develop a healthy self esteem, children need to feel they are special, the center of our universe. This does not mean giving them everything they ask for or structuring our whole lives around their demands. It does mean setting aside blocks of quality time to be with them. Time where we let them lead, where we see only them, their talents. Time where they feel the full impact of our love and admiration. When they know without a shadow of a doubt they are everything to us.

3. Banish Guilt!

Our children, other mothers, our husbands, our own mothers, and even society are well versed in throwing around mother guilt. Don’t buy into it! So, little Johnny wants a PLAY STATION and you can’t afford it; or you can’t do canteen duty ‘like the other mommies’ because you work. Tough luck. He’ll get over it! We all have different needs and circumstances. Not giving your children everything they want, or being there all the time will not harm them. In the long term, loved children, whose parents nurture and praise them, will flourish. And that’s what counts.

4. Decide on your family values, and LIVE THEM!

Do you think you’re a good person? What do you value most in life? Coming up with answers to these questions will help not only your life, but it will clarify what you want to teach your children. Because whether you like it or not, the way you live, how you treat people, what you place importance on, will be learned and mirrored by your children. Decide on the code of honor your family will live by. Teach it to your children - not just with words, but actions too.

5. Protect the family unit - husbands need love too!

The best gift you can give your children is to maintain their “happy home”. Note the use of the word HAPPY. Do not stay with a man you don’t love and/or respect. Your relationship with the father of your children is the first example they will ever see of what love is. Teach them that while love may not always be easy, it is fair, safe, respectful and supportive.

My next post will complete this list. In the mean time, I’d love to hear some of your thoughts about what it takes to create a happy, healthy family in today’s crazy world.

Until tomorrow…

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I was reading The Lorax by Dr. Seuss to my son tonight, and as the rhyming text rolled off my tongue in sing-song waves I couldn’t help but marvel at the literary brilliance that was Theodor Seuss Geisel.

The Lorax is not one of his better known books, but it has always been my favorite. It’s very much an ode to the dangers of greed and unfettered progress, and as a kid I always loved books and songs with a moral message. I was an anti-capitalist, environmentalist Liberal long before I knew what one was. My dad used to play his guitar to my brother and I every night before bed and one of our favorite songs was an old folk tune called “Throw out your TV”, which tells you a lot about my alternative childhood.

But back to Dr. Seuss. If you have children and you are not reading them Dr. Seuss, then get thee to a book store!

Never has there been a children’s writer who could tell such imaginative stories, draw amazing technicolor graphics that make the characters come alive on the page, whilst also delivering a positive moral message that is too clever and crazy to be preachy.

However, your reading style and rhythm is crucial when introducing your children to Dr. Seuss. If you don’t put expression into the words it just won’t be the same, so relax, maybe have a gargle, do some vocal exercises, throw yourself into character and embrace this roller coaster reading task. Your children will love it, you can immerse yourself in the magic of childhood once more, and best of all, you’ll be instilling a love of words and books. A love that will feed the mind, nurture the soul and keep your children company through the long years ahead.

Some of my best friends have been characters in books, and today I’d like you to meet one. His name is The Lorax.

“The instant I’d finished, I heard a ga-Zump!

I looked.

I saw something pop out of the stump

of the tree I’d chopped down. It was sort of a man.

Describe him? …..That’s hard. I don’t know if I can.

He was shortish. And oldish.

And brownish. And mossy.

And he spoke with a voice

that was sharpish and bossy.”

And just to show you why I love The Lorax so much, I’ll leave you with a few of his inspirational words.

“UNLESS someone like you

cares a whole awful lot,

nothing is going to get better.

It’s not.”

And THAT is why I worship at the altar of Dr. Seuss.

Excerpts from The Lorax by Dr. Seuss

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photo by oc girl
A friend sent this to me yesterday and I loved it so much I had to share it.

As I sit here with dirty dishes in the sink, my son’s toys strewn across the lounge room floor and more rain drenching the washing on the line, I can only dream of a life where I am single, beautiful, and travelling the world, with nothing to do but please myself and have hot sex with hard bodied young men.

Of course, I’d have to get my husband’s permission first …

——————–

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl “Will you marry me?”
The girl said, “No!”

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank whole bottles of wine, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat, travelled more, had many lovers, didn’t save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore fucking lacy lingerie that went up her bum, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, and felt and looked fabulous all the time.

THE END

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I’ll let you know up front, today I’m going to rant. Why?

Because I opened up MSN Messenger this morning and what was the first news item headlining MSN Today? Britney Bloody Spears.

Now, I have nothing against Britney and the rest of her lip syncing, scantily clad peers, but there is something seriously wrong with the world when the most prolific news story day in and day out is the slow and cringe worthy demise of a fading pop star.

Let’s be honest, Britney hasn’t been known for her music in years. Not unless you count her stumbling performance at the MTV awards last September. Most of 2007 saw her hit the news stands for her lack of knickers, bad mothering skills, driving mishaps, custody battles and possible substance abuse problems. Are these acts titilating? Sure, but they’re hardly worthy of lead headlines.

I’m not saying I don’t understand why this woman is constant news. I do. Every move she makes begs for attention - it’s as if she only feels she exists if someone is there to photograph her. And this constant exposure to every facet of her life makes the rest of us feel like we have a vested interest in watching her train wreck of a life. But this is an illusion. We do not know Britney Spears. We are not her friends. Indeed, we are part of her problem, she’s just too fucked up to see it.

When we participate in the paparazzi circus by buying the magazines that print the invasive photos and scandalous articles, when we watch and provide ratings to her every struggle, we feed the monster that is eating this woman’s dignity. The problem of course is human nature. Most of us find it hard to look away when the mighty fall. A little piece of us - not the loving, empathetic part, maybe not even the conscious part - feels intrigued, and maybe even a little happy that someone who has so much could screw up her life so spectacularly. And not just her life, but her children’s as well.

I don’t live in the USA, but can all problem parents in custody disputes get a new court date every few weeks? I think not. I am sure many mothers and fathers who have had their visitation stripped go months waiting for a chance to plead their case again. But not Britney Spears. She’s there at least once or twice a month, in between clubbing, shopping, having sex with the paparazzi and running red lights. And they say justice is blind…

Now, I know I’m not saying anything new here, and I really don’t mean to sound sanctimonious because I can be a gossip glutton as much as the next shopper in the supermarket queue, but it’s time this stopped. IT IS TIME THE WORLD LOOKED AWAY FROM BRITNEY SPEARS.

Following the self destruction of a vulnerable, possibly mentally ill, young woman is not news. It’s just sad, and it diminishes all of us. It doesn’t matter that Britney courts the attention, hungers for it even, this is part of her sickness. I don’t know whether she’s bi-polar or pathologically narcissistic, but Britney Spears needs professional help. And that help is unlikely to be sought until she hits rock bottom, because as long as her every move is in the spotlight and she is the object of sniggering jokes, she won’t get it.

Take away her kids, take away her audience, take away her special treatment. Shock her like you do an out-of-control child. Let’s just get out of the way so the real people in her life - her family, her friends - can take care of her. Britney Spears doesn’t need us. We are nobody.

photo by CDs single

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