This past week was a lousy one for me. I’ve had severe PMS, which took a fiercer than normal hold this month, probably because I’m currently frustrated with certain aspects of my life.

Lucky for me, one of my blogging friends, Charlie Gilkey, wrote a fantastic piece this week on 21 Ways to Quickly Short-Circuit A Funk and it reminded me of all the actions I should be taking (or NOT taking - as in canceling my blog, which I wanted to do all weekend) to get through what my rational mind knows is a temporary slump.

One of the items on Charlie’s list, and one of my great loves is music. I do not play an instrument, but I was raised in a musical household and music is one of the few ways I can circumvent a complete emotional meltdown. In fact, it is probably quite telling that in the real low points of my adult life, when I could barely drag myself out of bed, I had stopped listening to music.

To me, music is as essential as the air I breathe and the food I eat. Music adds a warm glow to life. It heightens the passion, cushions the falls, and adds meaning to the events and relationships that have defined my 36 years.

Here is my life in music:

Childhood

Let It Be, The Beatles, 1970

Both my parents are passionate about music, and my dad, his guitar and our musician friends were an intrinsic element of my early childhood. The Beatles were always on our record player, but Let it Be sticks in my mind because we once lived in an old house in New Zealand which came with an ancient, lumbering organ. I decided that I may not be able to stick with guitar lessons, but goddamn it I was going to master one instrument. This was the one and only song I learned to play.

Mama Mia, Abba, 1976

When I was little I always fancied I could grow up and be Agnetha with her beautiful straight blond hair and groovy fashions. Considering I was a freckled faced brunette with wavy curls this was always unlikely.

Woman in Love, Barbara Streisand and Barry Gibb, 1980

My mum loved this album when it came out and I remember this song being played A LOT. I’m not sure if she was a fan of Barbara, or Barry and his tight jeans.

We Are the Champions, Queen, 1977

Freddie was a God in our house and I still bow to his genius today, as does my little sister who was born probably around the time he died. Goes to show that brilliance will always live on.

I Was Made for Loving You, Kiss, 1979

The very start of my music obsession. I used to dance my butt off to this song and was lucky enough to go to the Wellington concert with my parents. There are definite perks to being a kid in a musical family.

My First Song Obsession

Counting the Beat, The Swingers, 1981

Outside of Australia and New Zealand I’m not sure if anyone knows this song, but it was HUGE down under and I taped it from the radio and used to play the tape over and over again. I couldn’t get enough of it, and it still gets a lot of airplay on my iPod now.

Goodbye Happy Families

Come on Eileen, Dexys Midnight Runners, 1982

This song was out when my parents were getting divorced and I was leaving town with no idea where I would live next.The enormity of it all was too much to cope with so I retreated into the world created by this song where the guy will do anything to keep his girl. The song played at the end of year school fete and all I remember is hugging my best friend and wishing I could stop time. It was like I already sensed my carefree childhood was over.

Changing from Girl into Woman

Pleasure and Pain, The Divinyls, 1985

The Divinyls were one of the absolute best Australian bands in the 80s. Chrissy Amphlett was everything I aspired to be: powerful and in-your-face, a true rock chick and sexy as hell. She became my proof that a normal Australian woman could become more than someone’s wife and mother. That there were other options, women who went out there and grabbed life by the throat and defied all expectations. That’s what I wanted to do, and I thought she was bold and beautiful and fabulous. I still do.

Memorable Teenage Crush

With or Without You, U2, 1987

T was a gorgeous, shaggy haired Surfing God and he had both myself and my best friend head over heels. He went to camp for a week and we pined over this song. We were both good friends with him and part of his beach/surfing posse, but other than that, I’m not sure he even noticed we were female.

Hitting the Clubs

Male Stripper, Man 2 Man, 1987

Such a tacky song, but so much fun and my girlfriends and I used to have a ball vamping it up on the dance floor when it came on.

I Want Your Love, Transvision Vamp,1988

Another sassy blond I wanted to be. Wendy James was the girl’s pink marshmallow version of Debbie Harry. Punky, but softer around the edges. Not that I don’t love Ms Harry - she is the original Punk/Pop Priestess after all.

Express Yourself, Madonna, 1989

Madonna was my first icon and she taught me all I needed to know about Girl-Power. She may have had some errors of judgment (SEX book anyone - ick!), but she showed a whole generation of girls that we didn’t have to sit on the sidelines waiting for Prince Charming to come along and marry us. The lyrics to this song should be mandatory study for every teenage girl. It’s a shame the likes of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton copy Madonna’s blatant sexuality without actually taking on the empowerment and self respect that has always gone with it.

Teenage Rebellion

Sweet Child of Mine, Guns N Roses, 1987

This is probably still my favorite song of all time. Nothing else makes me stop whatever I’m doing like this track, and when I listen to it I am 17 again. I also used to love the way Axel Rose moved, which probably led to me falling for my first serious boyfriend because he danced the exact same way. Sex on legs.

Falling in Love for the First Time

Patience, by Guns N Roses, 1989

Like I said, my first love, J was also Gunners crazy and this song encapsulates this period of my life. Love, sex, panel vans and dying to grow up and be free.

Teardrops on the Dance floor, Womack and Womack, 1988

The most played song in the night clubs when I started going on a regular basis, and I still think it’s a cool track. I was under age, but I could always slide myself into some stockings, put on a teeny tiny skirt and sky high heels and take on the world. Big 80s hair and a tiny skirt. I think that’s what J fell in love with.

University Years

Groove is in the Heart, Dee Lite, 1990

In Australia, dance music was just starting to become popular in 1990 and this song was the biggest hit of that era. My girls and I would throw our handbags into a pile in the middle of the floor and dance in a circle around it. Everybody else just get out of the way. You couldn’t do this now because clubs are never big enough for the crowds, but back then and in Newcastle where I went to university, Leroy’s was one of the first multi-leveled night clubs and we’d dance on one floor then go downstairs and drink Illusion cocktails by the jug until we ran out of money or were too drunk to dance.

Smells Like Teen Spirit, Nirvana, 1991

No one screams like Kurt. This is actually not my favorite Nirvana song, but it was the one that got me excited about the band and made me grunge obsessed.

Vogue, Madonna, 1990

Blue Sky Mine, Midnight Oil, 1990

Australia’s own “Rocker with A Conscience” was Peter Garrett and his band, Midnight Oil. These guys are an Australian institution. Talented. Fierce. Passionate. Political. My dad was a huge fan, so I was raised on the Oils and their unique combination of music and social activism. Peter is a politician these days and like many fans I find myself hoping he doesn’t destroy the faith and respect he garnered over the two decades of his musical career.

Death and Loss

Nothing Else Matters, Metallica, 1991

I loved this band in my rebellious teen years, as did my brother and stepbrother, D. When we lost D, the boys all wore Metallica t-shirts to his funeral in honor of a beautiful boy who died before he could become a man. After 16 years, I still can’t listen to this song without crying.

First Heartbreak

Too Many Fish in the Sea, The Marvelettes, 1964

“Don’t waste your time on a fella who doesn’t love you”. Or in my version: “Don’t waste your time on a fella who HITS you”. Need I say more. The perfect song to help you see sense after a messy break-up.

Life is a Highway, Tom Cochrane, 1991

This song and the road tripping video clip reminded me that there was a whole world out there to get excited about. I may have been single but that meant I was FREE!

First Full-Time Job / Flat mates / Being a Grown-up

Mr Jones, Counting Crows, 1993

This song has only good memories for me. New friends. New home. A proper paycheck. Endless possibility.

Miss World, Hole, 1994

Another ballsy rock chick. I guess it’s obvious why I used to like Courtney Love.

Heart Shaped Box, Nirvana, 1993

I was devastated at the death of Kurt Cobain and I must have played this song and the entire In Utero album 10 times a day, every day for a year.

A Small Victory, Faith No More, 1992

Mike Patton has such a distinctive voice and Faith No More were one of my favorite bands back then. I also like this clip because Patton is too sexy for words and my flatmate and I used to replay it over and over again so we could swoon.

Zombie, The Cranberries, 1994

A huge hit and an epic song that squeezes your heart and makes you feel the dread and anguish that life must have been like in Northern Ireland before the truce. One of my all-time favorites tracks. Make sure you check out the video clip, it’s amazing.

Meeting and Falling in Love with My Husband

Glycerine, Bush, 1996

It’s probably not surprising that I grew up to marry a musician and composer. I met my husband, Music Man, when I moved into his share house in Balmain, a harbourside suburb of Sydney. This area was traditionally inhabited by dockers, other tradesmen and their families and like all good working class suburbs it had a pub on every corner. My local (pub) had a few musicians and wannabe musicians and they all loved this song, so we couldn’t get it off the juke box.

Fire, Jimi Hendrix Experience, 1967

I’ve always liked Hendrix, but Music Man LOVES him and plays this song and many others on piano. My husband was the first and only person I have ever heard play a rock song with heavy bass on a grand piano. He rocks out and it sounds awesome. How could I not marry him?

Riders on the Storm, The Doors, 1971

The Doors are another of Music Man’s big musical influences. This song is hauntingly beautiful when he plays it, and I love to kick back and listen to it with my eyes closed.

My Wedding Song

Girl from Ipanema, Astrud Gilberto, 1963

Music Man has eclectic taste in music and he introduced this song to me. We chose it for our wedding because we wanted something different and it was the one song we would always slow dance to.

Travelling

Rockafella Skank, Fat Boy Slim, 1998

When I went to Europe in 1998, I could not escape this song and so I was introduced to the music of Fatboy Slim. When I hear this on the radio it makes me think of Beer Halls in Munich, getting stoned in Amsterdam and way too many bus rides.

Without You, Eminem, 2002

I liked this song when it first came out, but now it makes me want to scream. Even so, it was very popular with the young, posturing males in Mexico who liked to drive around playing it full blast with the windows rolled down. So despite how annoying I find it, it does make me smile and remember a really great time in my life - my first solo trip to Latin America.

Chop Suey, System of a Down, 2001

A favorite on my iPod, and a friend on many long and lonely bus rides through foreign lands.

Mr Bobby, Manu Chao, 2002

Manu Chao seemed to be THE ONLY choice in music for backpacking bums in Guatemala and Mexico. It played in every hostel, in beach huts on the lower Pacific Coast of Mexico and was the track that I downed a double shot of rum to right after I got held up at gun point in Antigua, Guatemala.

Motherhood

This is the music I used to cope with the challenges of being a new mother, while I wondered what I had got myself into and despaired of the world my son would grow up in.

American Idiot, Green Day, 2004

Amazing album. Great song for venting your rage and frustration.

Times They Are A Changing, Bob Dylan, 1964

Bob Dylan was another artist from my childhood, but I really grew to love his music when I discovered my baby son stopped crying whenever I put it on. I bought a cd of his greatest hits and kept it in my baby’s bag with the other essentials, like wipes and nappies (diapers).

The Pusher, Blind Melon, 1996

This is a cover on Nico, a little known album from Blind Melon, an under-rated band. This song is one of my favorite songs for driving and it was played a lot in my first year of motherhood as I drove to soothe my nerves and put my son to sleep.

The Best of You, Foo Fighters, 2005

I love Dave Grohl and I couldn’t do a music list without the Foo Fighters on it. Great song.

Current Favorites

Well Thought Out Twinkles, Silversun Pickups, 2007

I discovered these guys through my husband (of course) at the end of last year and this is the track I am currently wearing out on my iPod, though their other songs are great too.

This has been my music. My life. But I know I’m not the only person who can chart their life with the magic of song. What is the music that means something to you? Share your favorites with me and maybe we’ll find we have more in common than we thought.

Photo1 by xirrannisx, Photo2 by choupigloupi, Photo3 by oddsock, Photo 4 by destructor3521

Last week, Jemi from In My Heels kicked off our new SHE-POWER interview series doing a brilliant job as our first SHE-POWER Woman. Next week we’ll be welcoming our first SHE-POWER Man, and I can now announce it will be Clay Collins from The Growing Life.

Lucky for us, Clay has given me a lot of room to move with this, his FIRST INTERVIEW. He’s told me to go for it, be bold, ask the big questions. Even get controversial if I want to. Excuse me while I rub my hands together with glee, but telling me to get nosy, well that’s a dangerous thing to do.

Clay, Clay, Clay… you don’t know what you’ve let yourself in for.

But why should I have all the fun? This is your blog as much as it is mine, so I thought I’d throw it out to you. What do you want to know about Clay Collins and his take on women, life, blogging, productivity and all things male.

Some initial questions I’ve come up with are:

How will you know when you are “Successful”?

What’s your favorite blog to read, and which is the most over-rated?

The difference between men and women is…

Now, it’s your turn. Think outside the box, give me everything you’ve got and I’ll put together a questionnaire that will put Clay Collins under the microscope.

To quote the great Martin Luther King Jnr,

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy”

So, let’s challenge Clay Collins and see who he is.
Photo by dam

Due to the number of click-throughs for the last extract of Clarissa’s story, I Like A Bit Of Phone Sex In The Morning, SHE-POWER Fiction is returning as a blog post.

“You don’t need me to do anything right now, do you?” Scott placed his half empty coffee mug on the kitchen bench in front of Clarissa and hovered uncertainly near her shoulder.

Clarissa looked at the mug pointedly. “Can you put that in the sink please. I’m trying to cook here.”

Scott huffed under his breath, but picked the mug up and half tossed it onto another bench. “Happy?”

Not for years, Clarissa wanted to scream. Not since you took up sleeping around and humiliating me.

Instead, she said, “That’s not the sink.”

“I’ve got to head out. You want me to pick up anything?” Scott was already backing away and out of the kitchen. “I’ll be here in plenty of time for the party.”

Clarissa didn’t turn around, just tightened her grip on the handle of the knife as she deftly cubed the warm potatoes into a bowl.

“Where are you going?”

“Rick’s.” Scott’s voice sounded muffled like he’d started talking to his chest. “That was him on the phone before. He wants to catch up over breakfast. Show me the photos from his Canada ski trip.” He rolled back on his heels, his feet agitated, rearing to go.

Clarissa marveled at how easily the lie slipped off his tongue. Like he’d been lying his whole life. Like he did it as naturally as breathing. She looked down at the knife and had a brief image of ramming the blade into Scott’s smug face. The shock as he realized he’d underestimated her. The long groan as he slipped to the floor and died in a pool of his own blood. Just like something from one of those horror movies her and Ashley had watched as teenagers. The thought almost made her smile.

“Lissa?”

“Fine,” Clarissa managed to get out, her jaw tightening, her back molars grinding together.

As much as she didn’t want Scott seeing his lover, the last thing she wanted was for him to hang around the house with her. She couldn’t deal with him at the moment. Needed some time and space to clear her head.

“I’ll be back before two,” Scott said, moving in to stand beside her, his hand lightly touching her arm.

She shook him off and reached for the sprig of fresh parsley, lining up the ends and severing them with one swift movement, the knife snapping loudly against the wooden cutting board. He removed his hand, but didn’t move, unsure if he had permission.

“You can go to the bottle shop while you’re out,” Clarissa said, wiping a stray hair out of her face with the back of her hand, the knife waving in the air. “Pick up three cases of beer and another case of sauvignon blanc and one of a cabernet merlot. No shiraz.”

“Don’t we still have a case of white wine?” Scott asked, walking over to open the pantry door and looking down to check the floor. “I swear there was a box here last week.”

“It was empty. I just forgot to clear the box until a few days ago.” Clarissa was amazed her voice sounded so steady,but her inner robot had kicked into gear. “Go. I don’t want you to be back late.”

“Okay, love you.” Scott planted a quick kiss on her cheek as he passed her and left the room.

A minute later she heard the front door shut and Clarissa felt her body relax. She exhaled heavily and leaned on the kitchen bench for support. How was she going to get through this party? Mingling and playing happy families seemed like cruel and unusual punishment right now. How do you put on a brave face when you know that your husband has just come from the arms of his new lover.?

His new lover. Anguish tore at Clarissa’s gut, the knife sagging from her hand as she tried to steady her breathing. There was no time to fall apart now. It wouldn’t do any good anyway. She’d fallen to pieces about Susie Hampton and it had certainly achieved nothing there. Just added more fuel to Scott’s excuses. Proof that she was difficult, unstable. How he’d been driven into the arms of another.

Susie Hampton had been Scott’s personal assistant. An effervescent woman of twenty two, keen to get ahead, pretty beyond belief and still under the disillusionment that she would have some kind of meaningful job with the Department of Foreign Affairs. In reality, all she got for her eighteen months with Scott was some illicit sex, a lot of lies, a broken heart and public humiliation when the two of them were discovered in a compromising position at the work Christmas party. It didn’t take long after that for her to be transferred.

The discovery of Susie had been two years ago. Two years that her and Scott had been in limbo, pretending everything was okay, trying not to be with each other too much, talk too much, lest ugly wods were said. They were also two years that Clarissa had buried herself in her work. Taken one assignment after another. Refused to take breaks. Worked weekends. Worked even when she was exhausted and didn’t know why she bothered.

If Clarissa was completely honest, the more she worked the less her career meant to her. She’d love for her and Scott to have a baby. But that had never happened and might well not happen. The doctors said there was nothing medically wrong with either of them, but after three years of trying with no result, Clarissa wasn’t so sure. Maybe the problem was them. Maybe they just weren’t fit to be parents.

Lord knows, Clarissa had asked herself a thousand times how you could have a baby with a man she didn’t trust. As much as Scott said he loved her and would never leave her, every time he flirted with someone. Every time he smiled at someone, she wondered.

No. There would be no falling apart this time. Her husband may be an unfaithful louse, but he was still her husband. And she had no intentions of handing him over to another bimbette who’d become starry eyed over his charm, money and connections. She’d handle things differently this time. Be cool, in control. Once she let him know she knew, he’d buckle and break up with this woman, whoever she was. Then they’d rebuild. they’d done it before.

Clarissa thought of Lex and the promotion. She couldn’t take it, of course. There was no other choice. Scott needed her attention. He was obviously feeling neglected. Taking a deep breath, Clarissa closed her eyes and put down the knife. She noted the rage bubbling through her veins and tried to think calming thoughts.

This was an easy to solve problem. No need to panic. She’d just be a better wife, that’s all. She’d turn down the promotion, her and Scott would take a holiday and soon life could be good again. She brushed aside any fears about what Lex would say when she told him. There were plenty of other Production Managers who’d jump at the job.

With a plan in place and her barracking emotions slowly being pulled back into their box, Clarissa started to feel somewhat better. A little drink and she’d be fine. Opening the refrigerator, she withdrew a bottle of white wine, the chill of the glass reassuring, tingling her fingers. Taking a glass from the cupboard her eyes caught the time on the wall clock. 11.15am. She unscrewed the cap and poured herself half a glass, watched it for a moment as her eyes again went back to the clock. It wasn’t even midday.

But this wasn’t like any other day, she reasoned. Her husband was off fucking some other woman. Clarissa took a large gulp, felt the cold liquid slide down her throat. She felt instantly better so she quickly emptied the rest of the bottle into her glass, only stopping to sip the overfull glass and top it up again, until the bottle was finally empty.

Photo by DogFromSpace

I haven’t posted much humor lately, so I thought I’d put this up today because for some reason it really tickled my funny bone. It’s an oldie, but a goodie.

I think my husband has been hearing a lot of loud sighs and “Don’t worry about it” recently while I’ve been organizing our son’s birthday presents and celebrations. He can be very perceptive about picking up on my feelings, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he also heard the silent “Fuck You’s” as well. Then again, some of them may not have been that silent.

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.

Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

Loud Sigh

This is not actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.
(Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

That’s Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks

A woman is thanking you, do not question it or faint. Just say you’re welcome.

Whatever

Is a women’s way of saying FUCK YOU!

Don’t worry about it, I got it

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but she is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?”

For the woman’s response refer to #3.

Photo by wwarby

“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”

- Angela Schwindt, Teacher and Author

Happy Birthday to my beautiful boy: 4 years old today

I talked recently of my concerns about the direction of my blog and what niche I am in. Since then, I have thought a lot about this and have decided that SHE-POWER is about Celebrating Life and the Best of Humanity.

I believe everyone has unique gifts to share. I believe people, despite their diversity, are more connected at their core than many of us would like to admit. I believe other people can be the mirror for all that we need to know about ourselves.

Life is unpredictable, fraught with sorrow and fear. But it is lightened by friendship, untempered joy, hope and love. I want you to find some of that light and inspiration here and that is why I am launching SHE-POWER Women, an interview series which will profile ordinary women living their lives in extraordinary, yet simple ways.

I thought long and hard about who to choose as my first SHE-POWER Woman. I knew I wanted a fellow blogger and I had a few choices in mind, but it didn’t take long for Jemi from In My Heels to stand out.

If you have ever read In My Heels, you will know that Jemi is all heart. When she writes, it is with wit and charm, honesty and courage. This is a young woman who has already experienced a devastating loss, yet she has chosen to push through and embrace life, while sharing her journey of hope and healing with others.

Jemi displays an optimism and zest for life that I find both intoxicating and inspirational. And that’s why I am honoured to have her here today answering some questions, letting us in, sharing her spirit with us all.

Please join me in welcoming

JEMI, our first SHE-POWER Woman.

My idea of the perfect weekend is… hanging out at the Barnes and Noble bookstore(really), a long drive accompanied by an awesome new playlist on my iPod, getting in touch with my two best friends

My mother always told me…that I was special and that I was going to do something very significant in this life for people

Love is…an emotion I hold on to for dear life whenever it comes my way

I am inspired by… unexpected kindness from all types of people, my readers, songs that are *just right*, love, and cute shoes

Tell us if and how you have experienced the “kindness of strangers”

– oh absolutely and it always stuns me in the most pleasant of ways. My husband passed away and April 17^th would have been our 2^nd wedding anniversary…so I am in a whole lot of pain. I don’t really know many people on campus yet and one of the students in a class of mine came up to me rather randomly as I walked around..and though I don’t know him very well, he reached out and told me he sensed something was very wrong. I don’t know how he knew since everyone I come upon would comment on my cheerful attitude. After standing there with me and talking to me for a while, he gave me a huge hug and reminded me to give myself the break I (clearly) need. Losing someone you love places you in a solitude that often times, you don’t ask for. It’s the most amazing feeling when someone takes the time out to remind you that you are not alone.

My most defining moment was… deciding to live alone after I moved back to the East Coast. I learned a whole lot about myself thus far.

What song always gets you on the dance floor?

What an unfair question! No really, I have no limits…

Where do you hope to be in 10 years time?

Working as a spanking new doctor, bright eyed and all.

What do you do to lift your mood when you’re down?

I get in touch with my best friends; I play the piano until my mind is off of my problem; call mom; workout; go for a long drive

What three words best describe you?

Positive, creative, empathetic

What makes you angry?

People who have no qualms with hurting others – especially those who set out to do it

If you won $1 mil, what would you change about your life?

There’s an excellent chance I would invest some of that in my private practice/business. I’d be the coolest doc on the block.

Thanks

JEMi *cheesy grin*

Photo1 by angela7dreams

Today, I had a most unproductive day. Last night I wrote out a list of what I wanted to achieve today and the only item I managed to cross off was number 4 on the list: spend quality one-on-one time with Bunny (my son).

We cuddled and watched cartoons. We did puzzles and read books. We ate ridiculous amounts of vegemite on crackers, and seemed to spend hours discussing the complex relationships between Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends and why Diesel doesn’t play nicely with the ‘Steamies’. I’m sorry if you have no idea what I’m talking about here. Believe me, I wish I didn’t know about Thomas either.

The tasks that didn’t happen were not in themselves vital to mankind, but I do feel dissatisfied that I didn’t even attempt to stick with the list. The other items on it were:

• dye my hair - nope it’s still faded brown laced with grey
• help Bunny to paint on a couple of plain t-shirts I bought him - fabric paint is in the cupboard and the t-shirts, well I have no idea where they are
• vacuum - just couldn’t be bothered to piece the heavy contraption together and lug it around the house
• clean the oven - too much like hard work
• polish the next part of SHE-POWER Fiction and write a final draft of a truly enlightening post - um, sorry guys

I’ve spent a lot of today feeling guilty about this lack of productivity. It’s not like I set unachievable goals for the day. Six items to tick off is hardly putting on the pressure. But today I just couldn’t get motivated to DO anything. Maybe it’s the weather.

It’s been rather wet and chilly here in my south coast pocket of NSW, Australia. Winter’s coming in fast, which is pretty crap really because this summer was completely sub-standard. Too much rain, too much wind, too many overcast days and not enough scorching sunshine.

Like many people this has left me feeling resentful toward the change of season. I feel short changed and have found myself standing in my backyard berating the weather. Loudly. It doesn’t seem to mind, and I have yet to be struck down by a sudden bolt of lightening, though Mother Nature could just be toying with me before she punishes me for my disrespectful raving and use of foul language. I may have to keep a look out for sudden tornadoes that pop up and strike my neighborhood, missing everyone’s else’s house except for mine. If it can happen on Wisteria Lane, then no one’s safe, I say.

Or maybe the weather is just an excuse I’m grasping for because I feel lazy for choosing to drop out of responsible adult life today. Even though I am a mother and spending time with my son is part of my ‘job’, on the rare occasion I do nothing else except have fun with him I feel like I am piking out and doing the wrong thing.

On those days when my husband asks “How was your day?” I try to come up with something else that I did, just so I have something ‘grown up’ to tell him. Something that sounds like work. Because to non-stay-at-home parents it doesn’t sound like work to play trains, chasings or play dough.

Although when you do it day in and day out, it is just another part of your job description. It needs to be done just like making the beds and doing the food shopping, but it’s worse because it can feel like your brain is being eaten by an insatiable monster you gave birth to. And some days you get so tired of the giving and the listening and the endless patience required that you’d pay anything to go sit in an office cubicle and tap away at a computer. Anything.

But today was not one of those days. Today I wanted to be a kid and live only in the moment like my son does. I wanted to throw out the list and say to hell with being productive. Of course, Bunny embraced this undivided attention whole heartedly with no clue of the internal struggles mummy was going through as she drove Percy along the track.

My son does not care that I need to keep a household running and feel like a productive member of society. To him, I am mummy. Nothing more. Nothing less. Today, I thought that sounded pretty good.

So, what have I actually said in this post that is meaningful and worthwhile? Hmm, nothing much. Well, that is exactly what I accomplished today. Now, I like the symetry in that, don’t you?

Photo by Fabiola Medeiro

If you’ve never visited Terence Chang’s Happiness blog, SmileMyDay, then you’re missing out on an inspirational lift for your day. Terence has collected an array of amazing photographs of people and their smiles, which makes me proud to say I’m his latest Blogger Interview and Smile.

SmileMyDay is a truly unique blog and I hope you’ll go across to read my short interview on happiness and vote for me and my gorgeous, smiling son. And if you feel like helping SHE-POWER and the Happiest Blog in the World find more readers then a Stumble would be great. Positive, growing blogs deserve all the links and attention they can get.

You can also subscribe to SmileMyDay here.

Thanks * sending a big smile your way*

Kelly

This short is a continuation of Mama’s Girls

The house was quiet as Clarissa walked toward the bedroom. Obviously Scott was still asleep. So much for helping with the barbecue. He’d be lucky if he was showered and dressed before everyone arrived at this rate.

Opening the bedroom door, Clarissa expected to see Scott still huddled under the quilt, one arm strewn across the bed, taking up all the room.

“Wake up sleepyhead. We have a lot to do today.”

The bed was empty, the covers pulled back to reveal crumpled white sheets.

(Continue reading)

Photo by gotplaid?

For previous articles in this series, see How I Lost 9kg and Still Ate Chocolate Cake (1) and (2).

Losing weight and getting fit is great, but the real reward and challenge comes in maintaining these achievements over time. So far I have discussed the importance of the following changes for sustainable weight loss:

Accept the body you have. Love and respect it the way it is

Find your weight loss motivation and make a conscious decision to change your life

Move more. Find exercise you can enjoy. Have fun. Throw yourself into life

Enlist a friend or a trainer to kick-start your exercise habit

Think long term and persevere, even when you can’t see the results you would like

In this third and final article in the series, I want to focus on the importance of our relationship with food and body image. It’s true that exercise will improve your health no matter what, but if you’re serious about weight loss you’re going to have to take responsibility for your diet at some point. You’ll also need a plan for dealing with your ongoing feelings about your body and the motivational and emotional challenges you are bound to face. So, without further ado…

Set achievable goals. Be realistic in your expectations

I like to live in dream world as much as anyone, but when you want to achieve a goal which is important to you and has ramifications for your long term health and wellbeing, it makes sense to throw a bit of reality into the mix.

Set goals and expectations for yourself that you honestly believe are achievable. This isn’t a matter of dreams and possibility here. We’re talking about how to get you from Point A to Point B, and the best way to do that is with baby steps. If you like to sleep in and haven’t worked out since high school, then I would suggest it is a stretch for you to commit to a 7am training session five days a week. This might be your long term goal, but it’s too hard an ask for a beginner, and will only set you up for failure.

Confidence and perseverance is crucial to your long term success, so build motivation by empowering yourself with small successes. Using the previous example, start off by setting a goal of two 7am workouts a week. This way you’ll find it easier to maintain and after a few weeks you’ll be feeling pretty damn proud of yourself. This taste of success will not only motivate you to continue, but it will make it easier and more believable for you to move your goals and performance expectations to the next level.

In contrast, the original goal of five daily workouts means anything less than that may leave you feeling demoralized at your ‘poor’ performance. This could even become an excuse to stop altogether. Don’t set yourself up for failure by making the bar of expectations so high that there’s no room for error. Help yourself succeed with realistic goals.

The same goes with your eating habits. You’re going to have to make a decision regarding your weight loss goals, and that decision needs to take into account your natural body shape, how you want to live, and your entrenched eating habits. What are you prepared to give up for a slim, fit, healthy body. Beer? Cakes? Pizza? Don’t set the goal of being super buff and trim if you don’t want to make the sacrifices that are entailed. Pick up any magazine and you can leaf through it admiring celebrity bodies, but you can bet these people worked their buns off to look like that. Hours at the gym, pilates classes, no carbs after 3pm etc… Is that how you want to live your life?

If it is, get moving and I wish you well. Me, I want to feel strong and look good, but I know that I won’t be giving up cake in order to be my thinnest possible self. I find too much discipline stifling, so I’ve settled for a rounded, fit version of myself rather than a lean one. My weight loss goals are about bettering my life, so I don’t see the point in wasting my energy fighting my body, my tastebuds and my personality when I’d be so much happier learning how to live with myself.

Develop a new, balanced eating plan based on fresh ingredients. Allow for your weaknesses and don’t deprive yourself too much

I love food. It is one of life’s great pleasures, so dieting and the restrictions it involves are just impossible for me. Even taking into account that I focus on long term health and fitness, this area of my weight loss journey is by far the hardest. It’s not that I am a particularly unhealthy eater; I’m not. I find it easy to eat a balanced diet and enjoy lean meat and fresh vegetables. I don’t eat McDonalds or anything from those kind of fast food chains, and my biggest fatty indulgence would be the occasional dinner of fish and chips.

But I am a sugar addict. There’s no doubt about it. I crave chocolate every day, and if I give into those cravings, even a little, they get worse. For example, the chocolate that goes with Easter is my idea of heaven and I don’t worry about my weight at this time. The trouble is once Easter is finished, I’m still left with the taste for chocolate and I spend the next few weeks trying to get my cravings under control. If I can make three to four days with no sweets, things will usually improve and my willpower can kick into gear, but those first few days are hellish. I’d happily eat chocolate and cheesecake for every meal if it didn’t make me sick. Actually, I have made myself sick and I wasn’t a kid at the time. Like I said, I’m an addict.

If you can eat three low fat meals a day and not junk out on chocolate, chips, hot-dogs or the like, then you’re going to find it a lot easier to slim down and stay that way. In fact, I don’t know why you’re reading this article. You probably don’t even have a weight problem! However, if you’re like most of us and relish your “naughty” foods, then don’t worry there is still hope for you to be fit and healthy.

Food is both fuel and enjoyment so you need to structure an eating plan which satisfies both needs - energy and psychological satisfaction. If I tell you that you should be a vegetarian but you love meat, how is that going to help you? Are you really going to give up meat for the rest of your life, just so you can lose weight? What you need is an eating plan you can live with. Not just for today, but for next week, next year and in another ten years. That’s why crash diets don’t work. They deceive you into thinking some strict, measured eating plan is going to solve all your problems, when really it’s a bandaid measure that hides all your unhealthy habits. What you need are new eating habits which support your health goals while accommodating your guilty food pleasures.

What works for me is a diet of all things in moderation, and I try to keep meals as unprocessed as possible. That way I enjoy a variety of meals, can control where my calories are coming from (processed food has so many invisible sugars and fats) and I’m fueling my body with natural, life giving food. Less chemicals and more nutrients makes for a happy, energized body. Luckily I live in Australia where I have so much access to fresh ingredients.

I also grow herbs and have a full spice cupboard and I mix up white meat with fish and red meat. I balance carbohydrate heavy meals (rice/pasta) with lean protein and low GI foods like steak and salad. I have accepted my weak areas are sweets and night snacking so instead of denying myself completely, I try to work around it. I rarely touch crisps, pies, or cream sauces, or any other savoury high fat food because I know I need to save my calorie bust outs for sugar fixes. One could say that’s weak, but I prefer to think of it as pragmatic. Again, I’m changing my lifestyle long term and aiming for a mostly healthy diet to complement my exercise routine. I’d rather exercise than go without in the food department.

I could go one for ages with the details of how I’ve structured an eating plan to build new habits, and satisfy health and all my family’s individual tastes (my son has food allergies too - such a pain), but that is probably best saved for another post.

See and feel yourself Fit. Celebrate your Achievements

Often the image of ourselves in our head when we’ve been heavy in our life is that of a “fat” person. We carry this fat person around with us and even when we’re doing well and losing weight we’re paranoid about any change that is seen as taking us in the other direction. We act and think like a person with a weight problem.

An important part of beating this unsupportive relationship you have with your body is to start seeing yourself as a person who takes care of themselves, who exercises, who’s getting fitter all the time. Put images of how you want to look on your fridge and imagine it, feel it. When I first started running I actually used to chant “I’m slim, fit and strong” over and over again. It was under my breath so I didn’t freak out the neighbors, but it it did keep me motivated. Now I am at the point where I actually enjoy the run so I don’t have to do it so much.

It’s also important to celebrate your achievements and all the hard work you put in. By patting yourself on the back, you’re building your self esteem and making it much more comfortable for you to reinvent yourself and your body. I like to take the time at the end of a workout to relax, do a few stretches and simple yoga moves. This unwinds my body and mind, and provides me with the space to really appreciate the gift of youth and good health. In these moments, when my skin is slick with sweat, my heart is beating fast and my muscles are tingling, I feel so alive and strong it is amazingly empowering.

Be kind to yourself. Forgive your failings. Break the criticism habit

My last point is related to weight loss, but more importantly it’s a lesson to learn about life. We are all human beings trying our best so give yourself a break. Don’t expect perfection from yourself or others. It’s impossible. We all have weaknesses and we all disappoint ourselves sometimes. I put on 1-2kgs again over Christmas, and at Easter I think I put on 1kg or so, but I soon lost it when I kicked back into routine. It’s not a big deal. Thin people fluctuate too and you’re one of them now, remember?

Decide today to be a better, kinder friend to yourself. You are the one constant in your life, so if you spend it criticizing and tearing yourself down it’s going to be one long and miserable journey. In my first article I talked about learning to love and accept yourself the way you are. A crucial part of this is changing the way we think, and the language we use when talking about ourselves. Watch the words you use to describe yourself. Would you talk to someone else like that? Do you look in the mirror and think degrading thoughts about your body or your appearance? Or do you never look at yourself at all?

Try to look for something you like about yourself when you’re brushing your teeth or getting dressed or catching sight of yourself in the mirror. If you find yourself focusing on ‘faults’, take a deep breath and try to clear your mind. If you can’t, stop and walk away. Do something to keep you busy. Try again later. Think baby steps and commit to finding a way to love yourself for how God (or nature) made you.

Remember that everything takes time. Changes can’t happen overnight. I used to be a terrible perfectionist and in my own eyes I rarely measured up (to what, I don’t know), but these days I have stopped looking in the mirror and zeroing in on my faults. I feel like I have found a new level of self-acceptance and it leaves me feeling a lot lighter and happier in my day to day life. I do believe exercise plays a big part in improving body-image because you know that you’re taking care of yourself and there’s achievement and improved my self-confidence in that. Along with the added rewards of better muscle tone, better health and more energy.

So, that’s it. How I lost 9 kg in a very big nutshell. It has actually been a revelation for me to get all the changes from the past year out of my head. On one hand, it’s uncomfortable because I don’t feel I am a poster child for weight loss, but on the other hand I can see how far I’ve come. I have struggled with my weight for twenty three years, and finally I feel like I might be winning. I have been thinner in the past, but I have never been as balanced, as fit and as at ease with myself and my body as I am now. And I couldn’t ask for more than that.

Best of luck with your own journey to weight loss and good health. It is worth the change and the discomfort. Most of all, YOU are worth it.

Photo 1 by Jennie R.F
Photo 2 by neloqua