Is It Okay To Do Nothing?
Today, I had a most unproductive day. Last night I wrote out a list of what I wanted to achieve today and the only item I managed to cross off was number 4 on the list: spend quality one-on-one time with Bunny (my son).
We cuddled and watched cartoons. We did puzzles and read books. We ate ridiculous amounts of vegemite on crackers, and seemed to spend hours discussing the complex relationships between Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends and why Diesel doesn’t play nicely with the ‘Steamies’. I’m sorry if you have no idea what I’m talking about here. Believe me, I wish I didn’t know about Thomas either.
The tasks that didn’t happen were not in themselves vital to mankind, but I do feel dissatisfied that I didn’t even attempt to stick with the list. The other items on it were:
- dye my hair - nope it’s still faded brown laced with grey
- help Bunny to paint on a couple of plain t-shirts I bought him - fabric paint is in the cupboard and the t-shirts, well I have no idea where they are
- vacuum - just couldn’t be bothered to piece the heavy contraption together and lug it around the house
- clean the oven - too much like hard work
- polish the next part of SHE-POWER Fiction and write a final draft of a truly enlightening post - um, sorry guys
I’ve spent a lot of today feeling guilty about this lack of productivity. It’s not like I set unachievable goals for the day. Six items to tick off is hardly putting on the pressure. But today I just couldn’t get motivated to DO anything. Maybe it’s the weather.
It’s been rather wet and chilly here in my south coast pocket of NSW, Australia. Winter’s coming in fast, which is pretty crap really because this summer was completely sub-standard. Too much rain, too much wind, too many overcast days and not enough scorching sunshine.
Like many people this has left me feeling resentful toward the change of season. I feel short changed and have found myself standing in my backyard berating the weather. Loudly. It doesn’t seem to mind, and I have yet to be struck down by a sudden bolt of lightening, though Mother Nature could just be toying with me before she punishes me for my disrespectful raving and use of foul language. I may have to keep a look out for sudden tornadoes that pop up and strike my neighborhood, missing everyone’s else’s house except for mine. If it can happen on Wisteria Lane, then no one’s safe, I say.
Or maybe the weather is just an excuse I’m grasping for because I feel lazy for choosing to drop out of responsible adult life today. Even though I am a mother and spending time with my son is part of my ‘job’, on the rare occasion I do nothing else except have fun with him I feel like I am piking out and doing the wrong thing.
On those days when my husband asks “How was your day?” I try to come up with something else that I did, just so I have something ‘grown up’ to tell him. Something that sounds like work. Because to non-stay-at-home parents it doesn’t sound like work to play trains, chasings or play dough.
Although when you do it day in and day out, it is just another part of your job description. It needs to be done just like making the beds and doing the food shopping, but it’s worse because it can feel like your brain is being eaten by an insatiable monster you gave birth to. And some days you get so tired of the giving and the listening and the endless patience required that you’d pay anything to go sit in an office cubicle and tap away at a computer. Anything.
But today was not one of those days. Today I wanted to be a kid and live only in the moment like my son does. I wanted to throw out the list and say to hell with being productive. Of course, Bunny embraced this undivided attention whole heartedly with no clue of the internal struggles mummy was going through as she drove Percy along the track.
My son does not care that I need to keep a household running and feel like a productive member of society. To him, I am mummy. Nothing more. Nothing less. Today, I thought that sounded pretty good.
So, what have I actually said in this post that is meaningful and worthwhile? Hmm, nothing much. Well, that is exactly what I accomplished today. Now, I like the symetry in that, don’t you?
Photo by Fabiola Medeiro
I happen to think this is a wonderful post. Moms always feel guilty - no matter what choices we make. It’s the curse of motherhood. But guilt is a waste of time and energy. I try to avoid it as much as I can, but I am often guilty of feeling guilty.
Sounds like a great day. Really.
Vered - MomGrind’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Your Yucky Mommy Body
Now you almost got it right. My goal is for a whole day to do absolutely nothing. Ya gotta dream ya know!:) Actually your day sounded pretty cool. You have inspired me to take the rest of the day off. I’m taking my baby “indy” our puppy to the Park for a walk. Thanks for reminding me to, “Seize the day”
Actually, I think you accomplished a lot. You managed to master the art of living in the moment.
Since living on a tropical island, I feel I’ve done a lot if I manage to get three things done in a day. There’s something to be said for the “tomorrow is another day” attitude. If you can get rid of the guilt, it’s actually quite relaxing… I’ve also found that some things just take care of themselves and others don’t need to be done at all.
Long live procrastination!
Cheers,
Louise
Louise Pool’s last blog post..Sacred Sexuality - The Hedonistic Way to Enlightenment
Vered - You are so right, mothers do always feel guilty! Mostly I try not to buy into that, and I do know that what I did today was worthwhile because I gave my son my undivided attention and kids need that sometimes. But what still amazes and annoys me is how I can’t shake this feeling off that I wasn’t productive and playing with my kid is lazy. It’s insane, but old thought patterns and mother guilt are hard to shift I guess.
Kelly
Mark - I’m glad I inspired you. Yes, hit the park, run that little doggy’s legs off! You’ll both fee better for it.
Louise - Island life sounds lovely, and you’re right of course some things don’t need to be done and others, well it doesn’t matter if they’re put off. In my case, the t-shirts can be painted another day, my hair is still on my head and ready to be dyed, the vacuuming can be done some time when I’m EXTREMELY BORED, and the oven, well it’s still working, so what’s the big deal!
Long live procrastination indeed! Now if I can just master getting over that pesky guilt all will be well…
Kelly
Kelly,
Instead of feeling guilty, you should give pat on your back for
1) Responsible and caring mom
2) Having precious time with your son
3) Feeling greatness in making your son happy
I think you’ve achieved a lot.
Shilpan
I like doing nothing. In fact it’s my favorite thing to do. We do so much stuff that we hardly have anytime to do nothing. We need to unwind somtimes. You actually did something very important, which is spend sometime with your son. I wish I could have the same luxury.
Chris Austria’s last blog post..How Does A Father Say I Love You?
Kelly - it’s okay to play. In fact, I don’t think we do enough of it. We’re much too serious most of the time and take things way too personally. Enjoy life one moment at a time because when it’s gone we can’t capture it again.
Great post and happy to see you know how to just let go.
Blessings,
Pat R’s last blog post..Who Am I…and You?
I’m with Vered on this one. I think this is a really good post - but I think the problem is the way you’re looking at being productive. I kept waiting for the punch line as to why you considered spending time with Bunny as unproductive.
If you look at it from a meta-goal approach, I’d say you worked on your goal to be a great Mom. You invested yourself fully in the day and your son, so it seems that you were really productive on that front.
So you may not have dyed your hair, vacuumed, or some of the other things? They’ll be there tomorrow when you’re in a more motivated state. The spent with loved ones and children should, in all reality, come first.
We’ve had the starts of a discussion about this on PF, but you may be one of those rare people who are naturally in tune with what they need to do and don’t need productivity systems and gurus to tell you otherwise. Which may mean you have no reason to read my blog, since that’s time you could be spending with Bunny or dying your hair. D’oh!
Charlie Gilkey | Productive Flourishing’s last blog post..Clay made it in!!
I don’t know Kelly
this sounded like such a delightful day I felt relaxed just reading it..
and I’m so weirded out .. winter’s coming in?
lol I’m in NY - we’re all backwards huh
JEMi’s last blog post..What the Super Successful You Knows
It sounds like a delightful day and I know that Bunny would have loved having your complete attention.
Your not the only one that felt lazy yesterday. I know that my sister who lives on the south coast also decided to change her plans and take it easy because of the weather.
Give yourslef permission to stop feeling guilty.
I used to beat myself up and feel guilty for a lack of productivity too. Then one day I just decided to change my mind about the times I wanted to just goof off. If you are going to goof off why not just enjoy it? Why not schedule it, even if it’s at the last minute. A little pleasing permission will go a long way towards making your day.
Tom Volkar / Delightful Work’s last blog post..Massive Inspired Action - a Recipe for Success
I love thomas. and so does my little guy. he doesn’t do the whole “whats this” thing about character relationships. But I’m sure he would if he could understand and talk. LOL
Jenny’s last blog post..Ah The Wonderful First Checkbook
Jenny
I think Thomas is King for any boy under the age of 5. My son is obsessed!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Kelly