Runny Eggs, Feminism and the Drunken Bride

by Kelly on May 17, 2008 · 17 comments

in Life. People. News,Women. Beauty. Feminism

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Like forever ago, Chris Austria of Wat da Wat tagged me for a 3 Things About Me meme.

I don’t do many posts like this at SHE-POWER, but because it’s Chris and I worship at the altar of his unfailing wisdom and humor… and because I’ve got ADD with no hope of writing a ‘proper’ article days out from the Spain trip, I’m going to let you in on a few fascinating Kelly facts.

1. I HATE runny, yolky eggs

Yes, stop the press, this is big news. I love to eat eggs, but they must be scrambled or flipped and beaten until they are DEAD DEAD DEAD.

I am not over exaggerating here. If I order eggs at a cafe and they do not get what I mean by “rock hard” then I send them back. I cannot abide soft, mushy yolks. Not only do I hate the texture and taste of loose or runny eggs, the sight alone is enough to make me gag. Aghh, I’ve actually got the shivers just thinking about it.

2. I am fanatically feminist about women keeping their maiden name after marriage

I know some of my friends who read this blog are groaning right now because they’ve heard the rants. The ones that go on and on because I absolutely do not get why the majority of women in this day and age still change their names when they get married. WHY??!!

Obviously this means that Kelly Rigby is my maiden name. My son and husband have a different one, and mostly that is okay with MusicMan.

Did he want me to change my name? In an ideal world I guess he thought it would be nice, but it never really bothered him and he’s never expected I would change my mind.

The only concession MusicMan did ask for was that any children we had should carry his name. I was fine with this since I understood it was as important for him to carry on his dead father’s name as it was for me not to change mine.

It’s not as if I freak out if someone calls me Mrs MusicMan. I don’t. My grandmother has refused to acknowledge I still use Rigby. I’ve told her often enough not to use my husband’s name, but it just doesn’t make sense to her so she ignores it. I am sure she isn’t intentionally trying to make a point; the whole idea is just outside her reality and that’s okay. She’s my Nanna and I love her so she can call me Gertrude if it makes her happy.

I am also proud to be Musicman’s wife and partner, so if people get it wrong socially, or I end up Mrs MusicMan to my son’s friends for the next 15 years, then so be it.

None of this changes the fact that I felt it was important to keep my own name when I married. For me it was a deal breaker. I would never have married if my husband had insisted I adopt his name.

This could be called a case of personal preference and I get that. Most of my friends have changed their names and one has even done it for two husbands. The thing that really baffles me is why I am still an absolute minority in a country where so many relationship norms and traditions have changed, but this has not.

Why do women still change their names when they marry, and why are so many men offended and outraged when a woman does not want to?

Marriage used to be about ownership. A man bought himself a wife with a dowry so of course she adopted his name. This should not be relevant in the western world today, so why do people still do it, and why do woman think it’s romantic?

I would really love someone to explain this to me because I truly don’t get it. Everyone talks to me about tradition and how changing a name isn’t important. But, we have given up plenty of other traditions (I have only ever been to one wedding that used the word OBEY) and your name should be important.

Giving up a part of your identity, the name you may have been known by for over 30 years is a big deal. What did he give up to marry you?

3. The police were called to my wedding reception and I got so drunk that I was still hung over 2 days later

See, I am all class. Well, in a class of my own anyway. What other bride mixes champagne, tequila, red and white wine on her wedding day?

Maybe I’ll sound less of an alcoholic if I say this was almost 10 years ago and prior to the big day my husband and I agreed we wanted a HUGE PARTY for our wedding. We figured that we had been living in sin for two years anyway and knew each others’ best sexual moves so what was the big deal about a wedding night?

We had the reception in the style of a cocktail party in a marquee at my father’s property. The idea was that it’s private, personal and a beautiful setting for a wedding. We even had medieval torches lighting the bridge that crosses the gully between the house and where the marquee was. It was incredibly romantic, particularly since our grand entrance was to the sound of a Latin guitarist.

Dad’s property also seemed like a good idea because we wouldn’t get kicked out at 11pm like you do with a standard reception venue. We had people traveling from far and wide and a great live band and we wanted to celebrate our new life together with style.

This ‘style’ is what brought the police.

Dad’s place is on a higher rise at the foot of a mountain and the land around it dips down into a creek and then rises again on the other side. Apparently someone on the other side didn’t appreciate the way our rocking band’s tunes carried across the creek and into their delicate sleeping eardrums at 1am. They called the police, who warned us once, and then when we took too long with the encore, came and shut us down.

Not that this stopped the party.

My husband was just as disgraceful on our wedding night. I couldn’t find him when the police left, so I searched high and low and sure enough, he was passed out in his tuxedo amongst the rose petals my sisters had thoughtfully placed all around our bedroom suite. I was still having a great time so I dragged him under the covers, shrugged off my wedding dress, slipped on some jeans, checked my tiara was still in place and went back to the party to do more tequila shots.

Four hours later, with my last few friends crawling onto lounges and chairs to sleep, I went to bed a fading, swaying bride. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done.

I was sick as a dog and couldn’t move until the middle of the next afternoon, when my mother dragged my sorry ass out of bed to go down and open up some presents before my family traveled back to Melbourne. I can barely remember this, and only have the vaguest recollection of later that afternoon when my new husband put me in the car and drove me down the coast for our romantic honeymoon. The one where I was ill and woozy for another 2 days. Girls and boys, don’t try this at home…

So there’s 3 fascinating facts about me. I’m a fussy egg eating, feminist ranting, drunk.

Kelly

By the way, this photo is me and my brother getting messy with tequila shots at my wedding reception. I considered showing the one with me dancing in jeans and a tiara with a bottle of wine in my hand but that just seemed way too embarrassing, even for me

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

1 PlanningQueen 05.17.08 at 10:49 pm

I changed my name when I got married and didn’t feel that I was giving up my part of my identity. It was just a new stage in my life – like high school, uni, work, married life. I feel that it is important that women have a choice as to whether or not they change their name and should only do so if they feel comfortable with it and without fear of ridicule.

PlanningQueen’s last blog post..Do You Iron?

2 Vered 05.18.08 at 2:37 am

I kept my maiden name too. A blogger that I really admire talks a lot about how marriage is part of the patriarchy and how we should all stop getting married and instead give full rights to domestic partners. I am not as militant as she is about marriage itself, although I do agree that it stems from a patriarchal society. But there was no question in my mind that I should keep my last name. It is part of me and my heritage.

Totally agree about Chris’s awesomeness. :)

Vered’s last blog post..Sexism, Facebook Edition: Is This Image Truly Harmless?

3 The Internet Entrepreneur Diary 05.18.08 at 6:47 pm

Kelly:

You look like a queen in the photo. Love the facial expression. what a great smile!

You really need to go to Cancun for #N honeymoon. You can be as drunk as you can be!

ALL YOU CAN DRUNK!

The Internet Entrepreneur Diary’s last blog post..Extremely make over – ready for a new decade on my journey

4 Barbara Swafford 05.18.08 at 7:28 pm

Hi Kelly,

Cute picture of you and your brother. It sounds like you had a wedding to remember.

I changed my name when I got married (over 20 years ago), but as times have changed I don’t see anything wrong with a woman wanting to keep her given name. It is who we are. Some do use hyphenated names, but that could get a little complicated if both of the names are long or sounded horrible together. With kids it can get confusing if your names are different, but the same thing happens if the mother gets remarried and changes her name. When multiple marriages occur,kids in one family could have completely different last names.

Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..What Happened To The Good Ole Days

5 Kelly 05.18.08 at 9:21 pm

Louise

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I agree, women should be free to change their name if they want to. And I hope you don’t think I’m ridiculing women who stay traditional. I’m not. I just said I don’t get why it’s still the majority response and why I am considered radical for keeping my family name.

Why is it even FEMINIST to want to keep the name your parents gave you? Doesn’t this fit with the basic principle of being equal? Both men and women having the same name their whole life with no one giving up anything that the other hasn’t.

I guess I thought 10 years ago when I got married that keeping your maiden name would become more common with time and I find it bizarre that it hasn’t.

Kelly

6 Kelly 05.18.08 at 9:22 pm

@ Vered
Glad we’re of the same mindset, but like you I’m not into militant ideology about marriage being the death of female equality. Every marriage is unique so it’s only as patriarchal as you allow it to be

@ Terence
Thanks for the compliment and I love the Carribean coast of Mexico, though not so much Cancun. It’s paradise there, especially in Tulum

@ Barbara
I would have considered a hyphenated name but it didn’t work in our circumstance. Actually I have family friends who joined both their names to create a new family name for everyone. Now that’s a modern family! I’ve never worried about the whole having a different name to your kids thing. 40% of marriages end in divorce in Australia so blended and single parent families with multiple names are a part of life these days. Of my 3 siblings, 2 of them have different names to mine. Only my brother and I are Rigbys, so I guess I was never going to have a traditional approach to life

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts
Kelly

7 chris 05.19.08 at 9:31 am

As for #2, I am proud to say that many parents have complimented me for calling the moms by their proper last names even though it is different from their children. My wife decided to keep her maiden name so the children are hyphenated. Well, sometimes when they feel like writing their complete name. They are usually so lazy about it that they just write my last name.

Thanks for the meme love!

chris’s last blog post..How To Ask A Date For The Prom

8 Monica 05.19.08 at 9:47 am

I love this post!! If I ever get married, I want to throw a huge huge drunken party and take tequila shots with my friends and family.
And I totally agree with not changing my name. It’s my name, I like it and I deserve to keep it if I want to!
I hope you are enjoying Spain!!!

Oh, BTW, I learned this weekend that eggs over hard and eggs fried well are exactly the same :-)

Monica’s last blog post..The Big Move

9 Donna Moore 05.19.08 at 10:02 am

Hi Kel,
The photo of you wearing your Tiara and jeans necking a bottle of red is my favorite , your wedding was a great night and the bridal dance was one to remember.
I agree with you regarding women keeping their maiden names, my father gave me a great name and at 50 I still see no need to change it, and of course my daughter has the same idea as you and I.
In our family we have my surname name, my husbands surname name (2nd husband) my chidrens surname name and then the grandchildrens surname names, we have a plethora of names.
The egg thing must runin the family as I am the same.

10 Rachel 05.20.08 at 8:51 am

This photo is a great photo. It really captures you and the night you describe. Sounds like a fun wedding. Most of the weddings I’ve been to have been much quieter than this so now I feel I’ve been missing out. I’m not sure about having a big wedding myself. I’m not keen being the centre of attention so I think eloping to a tropical island sound like a good idea. If I ever get married.

I’ve never thought about the idea of keeping your maiden name before. My friends who have married all changed their names and I guess I assumed I would too if the time came. I’ve never questioned it so you probably have a point, why haven’t I questioned it?

I really liked this article and I love that you get so personal with your readers.

Rachel

11 Mark 05.21.08 at 6:23 am

Hi Kelly – I feel like I am intruding…:) But, I must say your answers were really well done!

AND your husband, passing out before you…do his friend’s know about this?

I hope the packing is going as well as can be expected.

Mark’s last blog post..The Success of Failure: Does Passion Guarantee a Successful Venture?

12 Gunfighter 05.21.08 at 10:00 pm

I, too, hate runny, messy eggs.

At the bachelor party for my first marriage, the cops came three times… the third time was to join the party when their shift was over.

My wife of 14 years kept her name… why should she change it?

(the story of your husband passing out made me laugh!)

13 Gunfighter 05.21.08 at 11:01 pm

Forgot to mention, we hyphenated our daughter’s name… when she marries, I hope that she will do as she bloody well pleases about her own naming choices.

Gunfighter’s last blog post..Girl Scout Night

14 Kelly 05.21.08 at 11:39 pm

@ Chris
Glad to hear of another modern man and that’s great about hyphenated names for your kids. That’s really rare here in Australia. I don’t know about there.

@ Donna
It was a great wedding wasn’t it and I know, even Nana liked the photo of me with the jeans and the tiara and the bottle of wine! At least our clan has a sense of humor And maybe a genetic aversion to runny eggs..

@Rachel
Lots of women don’t think about it so don’t feel you’re strange for making the assumption. If I have got you to consider the question of whether you should and want to change your name when you get married then my feminist rant has been completely worth it.

@ Mark
My husband was hassled by his mates for AGES after the wedding. Out-partied by a “sheila”. But I’m hard to out-party when I get going so he’s got an excuse :)

Kelly

15 Kelly 05.21.08 at 11:41 pm

Gunfighter

Thanks for stopping by and welcome to SHE-POWER. That’s great the cops came and joined your bucks party – I love stories like that and again, I am happy to hear of another modern man like our Chris, who supports his partner in whatever she wants to be called.

Thanks for your comments and I hope to see you on my boards again.
Kelly

16 Reiza 05.22.08 at 4:53 am

As for your #2, my husband and I both hyphenated our last names. Our kids have both last names. Dh occasionally got flack for it (he was military and you find a lot of stereotypical macho men there), but overall, most people like it.

Taking someone else’s last name has never been an option. I never really consciously thought about it when I was younger, but I’m far too connected to my last name to give it up.

Surprisingly, dh’s mother was the most offended. She insisted, “It was good enough for me, why not you?” She actually didn’t speak to us for a while as a result. Interestingly, she would never consider herself a Feminist, but she’s very much the strong-willed woman.

Reiza’s last blog post..I swear I’ve dealt with this person.

17 Fifth Dimension 06.04.08 at 4:42 am

I decided to change my name when I married because I had a choice: keep my abusive father’s name, or take my kind husband’s name. I had been trying to think of a name of my own for a hile, but nothing had resonated strongly. Having a loving husband and family did, so I joined them.

Fifth Dimension’s last blog post..Denver

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