I realize you’re all expecting the first post in my Marriage Series today, but something unforseen has happened and I’m way too unsettled to finish collating my myriad of writings and thoughts into a cohesive article.
Last night we had an intruder come into the lower level of our home while I was upstairs alone with Bunny.
MusicMan had gone to the city and it was just after 9pm. Bunny was asleep, I was upstairs watching television, and MusicMan had just called to say he was on his way home.
Our house is in an L shape on a gently sloping block. The back bone of the L is double storied and the lower level leads out to the back garden and patio, while the the lounge room is on the single storied tail and leads to the front garden and the road.
We’ve been having problems with our back door and it wasn’t locked. I had tried to lock it in the afternoon, but I couldn’t get the lock to catch. I was annoyed by this, but not worried because as I’ve said before I live in a safe township with relatively little crime, and I think 9pm is still quite early. Bunny wasn’t long asleep. MusicMan would be home by 10pm and there was still cars driving on the street. It was too early for trouble, I assumed. Wrongly as it turns out.
The only reason I heard anything was that I had come to the top landing of the stairwell in order to check the lights were out and to go down and try the door lock again. At first I thought the noises I heard were just a creak. The natural groans of a house. But for some reason even though I was perfectly relaxed and not at all nervous, something about that noise set the hairs up on the back of my neck. I stopped and listened, and didn’t move from that landing.
Then there was the sound of something moving slightly, or being bumped into. I searched my brain for what the noise could be.
Pets?
Don’t have any.
Drips into the laundry sink?
Didn’t sound like it and drips don’t move furniture.
Then there was the distinct sound of steps on the tile floor. I couldn’t get my head around what I was hearing. My brain said it wasn’t possible. I was home for gods sake. Who comes into a house that is lit up with people home on a Sunday night?
But I know the sound of shoes on tiles and unless we have cockroaches with size 10 feet and joggers then I couldn’t see how the noises could be explained.
I looked over at the kitchen bench and saw the knife I was chopping vegetables with a few hours earlier. I darted over to grab it and then went back to the landing. With my heart in my throat and no idea of what I hoped to achieve, I called out.
“Who’s there?”
The sound of four rapid footsteps was all I needed to leap into action. I reached for the nearby phone while I slammed the sliding door to the landing shut. I couldn’t lock it, but it was at least closed, and in a few steps I had thrown the front door open with the road in front of me, I had Bunny a few metres away, the knife clutched in my hand and the police emergency services operator on the line.
The emergency services operator was wonderful, very soothing for my panicked state. I can’t imagine what it takes to do that job because I was practically hyperventilating with fear - my breath short, my chest exploding, my hands shaking - and all I can recall now of that conversation is she kept me talking until the police arrived.
The intruder had gone by the time the police officers came, though they still searched the gardens and house thoroughly and helped me fix the back door. They were patient with my nervous prattling and told me that we had to get the locksmith out the next day because there has been a few break and enters in my suburb (guess I should go to neighbourhood watch meetings, shouldn’t I?). Thankfully, Musicman arrived home not long after they left.
Today, Musicman found broken branches which indicate they might have entered or left via our neighbour’s fence. I don’t want to think about it too much. I got the locksmith out and we’ve got new locks, so we’re all safe and sound. Everyone is okay and I have a new-found respect for my alarm system, though our current one is designed for when you’re away, not at home. I’ll be locking doors in the day and evening now and checking the windows.
I hate that I’ve had this kind of reaction and I now feel unsafe in my own home. I hate that I have to be aware and careful. I don’t like to live this way, but what can you do? When your home is violated, it feels that you are violated, and no matter how minor the incident, it seems it’s hard to just forget about it.
I really wish I could forget about it, and I’m sure I will. Until then, I guess I have to learn to deal with this anxious gnawing in my gut and the apprehension I feel when I walk out onto my beautiful patio, which until yesterday was my sanctuary. My oasis, where I swing in my hammock, take in the beauty of my blooming agapanthas and relish the privacy of my Japanese maple and the lush greenery which shields me from my neighbours. Now that privacy and solitude feels dangerous, like a place where I must be watchful, and that makes me insanely angry.
I hope these feelings pass soon. I had hoped writing about them would help, but right now I’m not sure. I guess the answer will be if I sleep any better tonight.
As soon as I can edit my notes into something comprehensible, I’ll post that Marriage article. Could be tomorrow, could be Thursday, could be the end of the week. I don’t know. I just know my mind is a jumble right now and I have to keep busy. And I might even have to stay out of the house for a bit of the week.
This is so unfair. I don’t deserve to feel this way. But then I think I shouldn’t be so bothered. We’re all okay. They left without incident. I can learn the lessons and move on, knowing we shouldn’t get lax about fixing dodgy doors or locking our house at night. This is just an opportunity for learning.
But the simmering anxiety and the rapid beating of my heart isn’t convinced. I still have this sense 24 hours later, that I need to keep myself in fight or flight mode while I’m in my own home. It sucks.
I just want to feel safe again. I hope I feel safe again soon.
Kelly
Photo by Shifteye on Flickr
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
Kelly, as I read this, the hair on my back raised. You’ve described the situation with such tense emotions. I’m sorry that you’ve to go through this, and I’m so GLAD that you and your son are OK!
That is very scary Kelly. You don’t expect that to happen, I don’t expect that to happen. Actually, I think of my own situation - where I live - in a very safe neighborhood - and yet one where the homes are spread out, and our backyard is surrounded by woods. And…we typically have at least one door to the outside unlocked at all times. Probably not too smart…
I’m glad everyone is okay, that’s most important. Getting that feeling of “safety” back - I hope it comes quickly. I hope they catch the person(s) doing this in your neighborhood.
I sending some good vibes your way Kelly - know that I’m thinking of you and your family…
Lance’s last blog post..Sunday Thought For The Day
Hi Kelly - How awful. No wonder you were scared. I got into the habit of keeping my doors locked all the time a few years ago. You don’t have to remember to lock them at night that way.
Do you think they realised you were in the house? Hadn’t they taken anything?
Cath Lawson’s last blog post..Affiliate Commissions - Is Your Anti-Virus Eating Them?
Thank goodness you and Bunny are safe. Time will heal your anxiety as you sit w/ your fear and frustration. These feelings will pass over time, your doors are now safe, and in this moment you are safe.
Stacey / Create a Balance’s last blog post..Free eBook - How to Practice the Art of Life Balance
Hi Kelly,
Wow - yes, VERY scary! You reacted so quickly and alertly so I hope you give yourself credit for that! Give yourself time to process it — I am so happy you and Bunny are okay. Getting the door fixed should help ease your mind a bit. I’m sending good thoughts your way — do whatever you need to — to feel better… your readers will wait!
Lots of love, Jenny
Jenny Mannion’s last blog post..Gratitude and Giving Thanks
Oh, Kelly, it sounds dreadful, and I really feel for you, for what you went through. …and to now have to deal with ridding yourself of all the angst. Once the adrenaline eases, each time you bring the experience to the forefront, take a look at it, work your way through it, you’ll feel stronger and more assured—especially when you fully realize how very calmly brave and assured you responded. You did everything right. You have much to be proud of.
Julie’s last blog post..The Smile
This is quite scary. Thank god all of you are all right.
Avani-Mehta’s last blog post..Top 8 Motivation Hacks - #5
I’m so sorry you went through that experience! I’ve had my apartment broken into while I was home … I did scare off the intruders, but it took a while to feel truly safe again. Be sure to allow yourself a little grief. It IS a violation of your sacred space. At the same time, look at how well protected you were - you heard the intruder and scared them off. Your angels were surely looking out for you, and will continue to do so.
Blessings,
Andrea
It’s so horrifying! You’re so brave! I’m not sure I would have been so quick thinking. Which reminds me that I should be taking extra precautions myself for my own home.
Thank goodness you and your son are safe. Hope you feel better soon!!
Hugs,
Evelyn
Evelyn Lim’s last blog post..7 Ways To Center Yourself In Gratitude
WOW!
That’s scary! I am glad that you all are OK. Maybe you should also add hidden camera.
Take a good care!
Terence Chang’s last blog post..AOL’s best free service AIM Phoneline is closing
I was burglarized a couple years ago. Luckily, I was not home at the time, and even luckier was that my cat managed to make enough noise to make the burglars think someone was home. There were signs of an urgent exit, and only a few little items were taken from the house, but the feeling of violation does take quite some time to pass. Ensure that your home is secure, get an alarm system if it helps. Some people even go as far as getting a dog, because they tend to be deterrents to would-be thieves thanks to the noise factor. You were most certainly brave considering the circumstances. Glad to hear you and your family are safe. Be well and have a happy holiday.
Wow, how awful! You were really brave to grab a knife and be ready to defend yourself. I’d be afraid they would take it away from me. I don’t think this was a “minor” incident — someone was all the way inside your house. It is very tough regaining that feeling of safety after something like that.
I haven’t ever completely regained my sense of safety since the 9/11 attacks on the U.S., but I do feel much more like I used to. I kept my doors locked at all times when I lived in Brooklyn, NY and have never broken the habit since. It’s become normal for me. Maybe your new life, with more precautions, will become normal and safe for you. I hope so!
Dot’s last blog post..Thoughts on President-Elect Obama
Kelly,
I am SO GLAD you are safe. What a scary experience and please don’t be too hard on yourself for the emotions you are feeling, they are VERY normal and you don’t have to feel bad about them. Time will pass them along anto something more manageble. Hang in there. Sending prayers of peace and safety. And Hugs.
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirations’s last blog post..A Day of Gratitude, A Life Grateful
I’m so sorry you had to go through this, Kel!
And so relieved you are all safe.
I agree with Wendi: you are being too hard on yourself.
I grew up in a city, so I’m used to always locking doors and never ever assuming I’m safe.
I’m just so glad it ended the way it did.
Vered - MomGrind’s last blog post..Worst. Mom. Ever.
Hi Kelly - Wow! I did not expect to read this today. I’m glad that you are ok. Your responses were amazing - I think I would have just been frozen. I agree with the others that your feelings are normal and will pass with time.
Kim Woodbridge’s last blog post..(Anti) Social-Lists 11/30/08
Yikes -that is scary!
Does your alarm system have a panic button? I tend to forget about ours until the man comes to service the system, but it’s there, and will phone in an alert direct to the police if pushed.
Amazing what fear for our kids will help us to do, isn’t it? You can’t melt away into the night, so you grab a knife! Good for you!
That must of been terrifying-
You have dealt with fixing the locks ,you have the alarm system when you are not there so when you come home from being out you know everything will be fine.Now know that things have been attended to to the best of your ability.Allow yourself time to let the feelings dissipate and keep telling yourself you are safe and you are protected think positive thoughts even when you dont just replace it with a positive.
When ever you feel not safe pick up the phone and talk to family or friends.With all my heart and soul I send you love and light and protection.
Kelly: I felt scared just reading this. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, and I’m glad you and Bunny are safe. I understand how you feel: it’s your house; how dare this person enter.
Marelisa’s last blog post..Creative Thinking Techniques: The “Playful” Edition
Wow - so glad Bunny and you are safe.
Alone is bad enough, alone with a child has gotto be bad.
It would take me a little while to get over something like this - you take it easy!
Maya’s last blog post..Integrity, Values and Happiness
Hi Kelly. How dare they intrude into your safe place! After I calmed down I’d be furious. Your story was very gripping and you were clearly upset. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I have to agree with Julie about “…how very calmly brave and assured you responded. You did everything right.” Your imagination might be in overdrive for a few days. I’m happy that you and Bunny are ok.
Davina’s last blog post..When Fear Closes In, Take Action
Hi Kelly - You did everything right! I am so sorry that your home and your peace has been violated like this. Take all the time you need to get back to calm, and also realize that the feelings of panic/anger could resurface, as well. Here in the U.S. we have little stickers for the windows that say “Lifetime member of the National Rifle Association” and “Protected by Smith & Wesson.” Maybe there is a way you can have your alarm set for when you are at home. These clowns are cowards.
Betsy’s last blog post..THINKING OUTSIDE THE TRIBE
Don’t even waste your can of whoop-arse on them. The fact they ran away means they’re more scared of you than you are of them.
You probably know this, but it’s good to remind yourself that the stress of fight or flight is your body’s response, but anxiety is your cognitive response (in other words, the stories you tell yourself impact how you feel)
One technique that’s helpful is to map out potential threats and figure out how they could happen and how likely they are. For example, the police should know the crime patterns for the neighborhood. Some threats are actionable, but some you just have to live with. This can help with peace of mind. Just knowing the patterns makes a big difference.
Most importantly though, don’t live in fear. I know it’s easier said than done, but one way is to have a quick mental image to use whenever you fall into fear mode — whether it’s Pope-eye eating spinache or turning green like the Hulk — find something that turns your fear into power … SHE-POWER!
J.D. Meier’s last blog post..Lessons Learned from Per
Wow, that’s seriously scary!
Have you ever considered getting a dog? I have three, and they can hear anyone who comes to our house or the neighbors. They make enough noise when someone comes to the door that I’m not too afraid of intruders.
I’m glad you all are ok!
Kaila’s last blog post..Tons of Free Time Isn’t All It’s Cracked up to Be
Wow - how horrible! Any type of violation like this is such a challenge to forget. I hope it doesn’t push you into changing how you live - living in trust and openness is much healthier than fear and being closed up. But as I said, it’ll be a challenge to choose the former for a while.
Here in Spain most doors (since the Civil War most likely) lock automatically - from the outside they need a key to open. There are no door handles.
Being a Canadian who would always leave my door unlocked unless I was sleeping, I at first found this concept of perpetually locked doors a bit frightening - why would I need to lock out the world? But now I’m used to it and don’t think about it.
Hugs! And yay to the fact that the person fled when you said something!
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Success Comes from Slow Change: Leo Babauta Interview
Everyone
Thanks so much for all the support. I am deeply appreciative of your concern. I’ve kept very busy today out and about and have just checked my site now. Will leave some more personal comments tomorrow as I need to get to bed now - my two nights of unsettled sleep has caught up with me.
Thanks again. You guys are the best
Kelly
I’m so glad that you’re all safe. That would totally freak me out, too! Thankfully they weren’t violent intruders. Things could have turned out much worse!
kailani’s last blog post..Carded!
Oooh Kelly, I am so afriad of something like this happening to me. Sorry you had to go through this, I know you probably have the shakes. You never ever feel quite right when people invade your space. Glad you are your family are okay and they decided to leave. Sounds like it was a young kid because if a man (or woman) was there to do you harm, maybe they would not have run off so quick without robbing you.
I’m sure the lock is fixed now. Be safe.
Natural’s last blog post..The Day of the Fight
Hey Kelly - I know we had a quick Twitter chat about this…but just wanted to drop by and state once again, very happy to hear that you and your child were not harmed in any way.
Some people might disagree, but after an incident a few years back my wife now carries pepper spray at all times. I realize some folks are either for or against pepper spray, but it’s a decision she has made.
You guys take care! And here’s hoping that the police catch this predator and that you’ll be able to relax and feel comfortable in your house soon.
mark_hayward’s last blog post..Mark Hayward Completes Miami Man Triathlon
Thanks for the support and sorry I’m M.I.A here and around the blogging community. I’m just trying to keep myself really busy at the moment so I don’t have time to think, and as a consequence I have no urge to write or read.
I’ll be back. Sorry.
Kelly
That is scary. Never had anything like that happen to me. Hopefully just some dumb kid on a dare or something. Probably.
Sorry that happened.
Jannie’s last blog post..Well, it was Thanksgiving Friday and all…
I’m glad that you’re ok…This is one of the reasons why we moved to the suburbs but I guess you can’t be 100% safe anywhere anymore. You just gotta be vigilant.
Take care
Chris’s last blog post..I Shall Return
Hope you are taking care of yourself and that time is slowing healing your fears.
Oh Kelly - that’s truly awful - I’m so sorry it happened. I remember that Frank and I even felt violated when the solar light in our front yard was pinched. (But I must say you are an excellent story teller and that though I was feeling upset reading this, I did laugh at the cockroach feet bit)
Robin’s last blog post..Why We Sabotage Ourselves
Oh Kelly,
That is so awful. I’m hoping you can get recuperate from this scary endeavor and I can imagine how it would have freaked out. The way you described it, it is a scene of how movies are made.
You know, I lock my doors day and night even though we too are supposedly living in a safe neighborhood. But I’m just to freaked out that intruders would sneak into the backdoor while I’m out the front and vice versa.
Oh shucks, look after yourself Kelly. Thank god nothing worse happened.
Monika Mundell’s last blog post..Do You Need A Freelance Writing Gig?
Wow Kelly, I was at the edge of my seat when reading about your experience. It’s unbelievable how brazen these intruders were. It’s gotta be hard, but I hope the sense of normalcy comes back to you and your family.
Al at 7P’s last blog post..533,000 Is Too Much
Again, thank you everyone for your kind thoughts. I’m still not writing, though am feeling loads better so that could change any day now. The fact that Christmas is here means I have a million and one things to do so it’s easy not to think of blogging.
Wishing you all well, and back soon.
Kelly
I’ve had cars stolen and my purse snatched, but by far the worst was walking into my kitchen one summer morning and realizing an intruder(s) rummaged through my belongings while I slept. Worse yet, all four of my children were sleeping too. I shudder to think what might have happened if one of them had stumbled into the kitchen for a late night snack.
A few items were taken, but since we had just moved into the neighborhood most of our belongings were still in boxes. The police said we were lucky no one disturbed them in the act. The officer thought it was someone looking for drug money….
I slept with one eye open for weeks, and yes, I had an alarm system installed and arming it became part of my new bedtime routine. I recommend lights and
locks plus an alarm.
It saddens me we must turn our homes into prisons and make the rounds each night to ensure the bad guys are locked out and we are locked in.
Noa Rose’s last blog post..Every Day Has Its Joy
Hey Kelly
I’ve finally got about to reading your site again. I hope you’re feeling less ‘alarmed’ or hyped up sweet! Argh… I know how it feels. I remember once finding intruders in our house when my family arrived home for the night. It was years ago now. I carried a kind of a sicky crawling and anxious feeling for some time afterwards. It’s a real invasion to think someone’s been in your space and touching your ’stuff.’ It does pass though and probably, the universe was dropping your family a really big hint, as un-ideal at times this world is we live in!!
To dirty rotten scoundrels, may you all realise your icky ways and if not, discover communal ’solace’ on some lonesome, flee bitten island (like a penal colony) surrounded by a relentless army of savage sharks.
Upon that, I must go lock up the house and get some kip.
Wishing you a sublime 09. I’m sure we’ll catch up later in the year. xx