Weekend Funny - Important Health Advice for Women

by Kelly on March 20, 2009 · 13 comments

in Humour

me-and-myra-at-flicks-engagement-mar-2009Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Chardonnay.

Chardonnay is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Chardonnay can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Chardonnay almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living.

Chardonnay may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Chardonnay. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, overwhelming feelings of lust, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister!

WARNINGS:

The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to think you can sing.

The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

The consumption of Chardonnay may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many women as you feel may benefit!

Now, just imagine what you could achieve with a good Merlot!!!

——————————–

This is NOT my work. I received it in an email from my cousin and loved it. The photo is of her and I at another cousin’s engagement party last weekend. I consumed way too much champagne and was loving the world!

I think this photo was from later in the night and I look like I’m about to drop. The next day the picture was a whole lot uglier…

Have a good weekend everyone and I’ll see you back here on Monday.

Kelly

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Evelyn Lim 03.20.09 at 1:02 pm

Your warnings cracked me up!!! Those were the days!! I don’t drink anymore. Oh yes….Chardonnay helps to overcome shyness all right!!

Evelyn Lim’s last blog post..Cultivate Positive Money Beliefs By Busting 10 Myths

2 Lisa (mommymystic) 03.20.09 at 2:55 pm

you should try Margarita, I hear it is even more effective…

Lisa (mommymystic)’s last blog post..Four Paths to Freedom - Which Is Your Root Path?

3 Robin 03.20.09 at 3:57 pm

ha ha - nothing like a good dose of chardy! You look like the cat that got the cream in that photo.

We OD’d on champagne AND a red of some sort last night - strangely I am quite functional today. Have a good weekend, Kelly!

Robin’s last blog post..Happy Birthday, Let’s Live Forever!

4 Urban Panther 03.20.09 at 8:51 pm

ROFL this is great! Good timing too, because friends are coming over for dinner tonight, and with this particular woman, I am known to get the same look you’ve got going on in your pic.

Urban Panther’s last blog post..The tirade

5 LisaNewton 03.20.09 at 10:47 pm

LOL…………….Yupp, I love relaxing to a glass of chardy after a hard days work. Wait, tonight I might have two…………………:)

LisaNewton’s last blog post..Macarthur Park is going to the Birds

6 Betsy Wuebker 03.21.09 at 8:14 pm

Haha! This was great! LOL There’s a wonderful French “generic” that works better than its cousin, the pricier Pouily Fuisse, too: Vouvray. Both treat a special subset of sufferers with an antidote to the dreaded Chardonnay esophageal afterburn. :)
Betsy Wuebker’s last blog post..ADVENTURES IN CUSTOMER SERVICE - BEST BUY EMBRACES THE SUCK

7 Leandra 03.22.09 at 10:40 am

Smiles all around! Thank you so much for writing this. You completely lifted my mood with this. :)
Leandra’s last blog post..Great words…

8 Vered - MomGrind 03.22.09 at 1:06 pm

I’ll second MommyMystic - a glass (or two) of wine is great, but a dry martini really does the trick for me. :)
Vered - MomGrind’s last blog post..Lipo Dissolve Nightmare: A Cosmetic Procedure Gone Wrong

9 Natural 03.23.09 at 4:48 am

hey kelly, chardonnay sounds wonderful, send me over a case. i like the way your cousin thinks. i haven’t had a drink in a while, but i could really use one. right now, i’m supplementing with chocolate.

Natural’s last blog post..E is for Episode

10 Jenny Mannion 03.24.09 at 4:15 am

Hi Kelly,
Thanks for the laugh — I needed it!

I used to LOVE red wine but after pregnancy with my son all red wine tasted like vinegar to me. Now I love an occasional glass of chardonnay but prefer a cocktail of the cosmo type. Still waiting for that mojito with you! :-) Right now I am staying very sober as I plan my daughter’s 6th bday party with over 20 kids (4/4) and plan Disney for all of us (4/9). I hope to have a nice blue summery cocktail there (or 2 or 3…) and we are bringing my mom and step-dad so that MIGHT even be a possibility! :-) AFTER the roller coasters of course! ;-)

Thanks again Kel…. GREAT timing as always! xo
Love,
Jenny

Jenny Mannion’s last blog post..We Are All Healers — The NEW Basics Of Healing

11 Sami 03.24.09 at 11:33 am

Oh yeah, been there!!

Sami’s last blog post..The John Butler Trio

12 Cath Lawson 03.25.09 at 3:53 am

LMAO Kelly. I can no longer drink Chardonnay. My mother and I drank two bottles on a hen night many years ago. Trouble was, I didn’t eat enough and wound up headbutting the floor while trying to find my bag. She blamed the glass of G&T I had before dinner.

13 Life's Too Good 10.11.10 at 5:21 pm

Valuable post! A good writing style and information is certainly useful. For all readers continue to write such excellent articles. Thank you.Thanks for sharing this information.

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