SHE-POWER Fiction: She Bites

by Kelly on November 2, 2009 · 14 comments

in Creativity. Writing. Blogging,Kelly's Fiction

vampire-storyI know I haven’t posted for awhile, so I thought I’d share some of what I have been writing.

I’m working a lot on my fiction and am currently slipping between work on the third draft of Running with the Dead and a new novel about a young female vampire. I have no idea if I will actually continue on with the vampire story, but I’m having fun with it, so here’s a little bite of Tansie the Vampire’s story.


The agitated tap of a boot on concrete was the first sound I heard as I came to. A deep pain sliced into my abdomen as I tried to sit up. A low groan escaped my lips.

The shoes stopped tapping and I heard a chair scrape as someone got up, then footsteps as they came nearer. All my senses screamed danger and a new level of alertness returned. The delicate arch of a fly’s wings as it soared near my head. The sour air wafting through the open window. The chill of concrete beneath my face. I opened my eyes and saw bars and black leather boots, at least a size 11.

The shoes moved again and I suddenly remembered what had happened before I blacked out. The club. Trinity taking off with the American girl. The mysterious man at the bar with the grey eyes and tattooed forearms. How did I get from the club to here, and where was here?

I was in danger. The thought was novel to me, but utterly clear, I had to get out of there. I flipped and was on my feet in the fraction of a second. My wound screamed and the room swam as my vision played hide and seek with a murky cloud. Drugged. I must have been drugged.

I flew back against the wall and tried to keep myself upright while I rubbed at my eyes and tried to shake the fog off. I had to get my bearings. I noticed my fangs had not come out, which didn’t make sense. I was under attack. I was scared. No, terrified! Where were my fangs? A growl rose from within. I focused on finding my fangs, but there was nothing.

“Sorry about this, Tansie.”

The man with the grey eyes spoke. He stood on the other side of what I could now see were effectively prison bars. A door with some kind of fancy deadlock was to my right, the bars around it reaching down into the flooring and up into the concrete ceiling. He watched as I quickly scanned the room and assessed my captivity.

“You can’t escape, so don’t even try,” he said, rocking back on his heels, heavy arms folded across his chest, the vine like tattoos crawling out from beneath his short sleeve shirt and stretching for his wrist.

“Who are you? What are you?” I asked, putting both hands to my sides and flat against the wall.

I may have looked like I was resting against it, but really my fingers were trying to dig into the structure, testing if I could throw myself through this wall. I had no idea what was on the other side, but I was starting to think it couldn’t be worse than what I was facing in here.

A cold half smile flittered across his face. “Let’s just say I’m a concerned citizen.”

“Concerned for what? Out to stop women under half your size from having sex with you. Well, you’re doing a great job. I have absolutely no desire to get laid now. So, how about you let me out and I’ll forget this ever happened and not call the police.”

“The police?” I swear his eyes positively sparkled.

“I hardly think they’re going to care about the likes of a vampire.”

A chill ran through me and if my heart was still beating, I swear it would skip into an accelerated gallop about now.

“A what?” I laughed. “Honey, you are one crazy motherfucker.”

I winked. “Now, I don’t mind crazy some days, so like I said, why don’t you forget all the horse shit and let me out. Your little joke has gone quite far enough.”

He studied me for a long minute, not speaking, not moving his eyes from my face. I wish I had the ability to read minds so I knew what he was thinking, but nothing. I couldn’t even guess. There was no giveaways in his body language and his face was blank. Like a stone sculpture that wasn’t quite finished yet.

Finally he said, “Sure. You can go if you want.”

He moved to punch in a code and the door opened. I watched him for a moment, wondering if he was going to stake me or lop my head off the second I made a move.

He stepped back away from the door to the cell and then pointed at a closed door which led somewhere else.

“You leaving or what?”

It was a trick. It had to be. Who took a woman to his place and locked her in a cell and then let her go for no reason? Even so, what choice did I have? If this freak really did know I was a vampire, I could be in for real trouble. Everything about this cage and those tattoos made me think my captor had his own very specific agenda here. And I doubted he got those muscles from pumping iron in the gym.

My side hurt and I knew I’d have to feed if I wanted to heal properly. He was an attractive candidate, but I sensed he knew better than to let his guard down. I had to get going and quick.

With a whisper of a breeze I moved through the cell door and paused for a nano-second at the man and breathed, “See ya”. A second later I had the door open and was on the move.

The light hit me with a force I had never experienced before. I screamed. Not some ordinary kind of ‘I’m terrified’ scream, but the fully fledged ‘I think I’m dying’ kind. The blood racing through my veins was simmering to a rapid boil, like I was a saucepan about to pop its lid. I covered my eyes with an arm, felt the sun’s rays strip skin of my forearm, my shriek still echoing through the room.

So this is what it felt like to go in the sun. Dario was right. I really didn’t want to know pain like this. I knew I wouldn’t last for more than a few minutes, maybe less. I threw myself back into the prison room, slamming the door behind me.

“Change your mind?” drawled grey eyes as he leaned back against the bars, those massive branch like arms still folded across his chest.

“Maybe you might like to stay and answer some questions of mine.”

He pointed to the cell and a stretcher bed I hadn’t noticed before, which was pushed up against one wall.

“Make yourself comfortable.” He sat down on his chair and pulled it closer to the bars. “This might take awhile.”


Flickr Photo by Desiree Delgado

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Music Man 11.02.09 at 5:23 pm

Great stuff…

Keep it up. The scene created alot of intrigue for me

2 Kelly 11.02.09 at 10:14 pm

Thanks baby x

3 Gaylena Collins 11.03.09 at 12:49 am

Very nicely done, the scene really pulls you in and keeps you reading till the end and leaves you wanting more.

The point of writing anything is because it’s fun and when it is no longer fun you lose your flow. Anyone reading can usually tell.

Keep it up your really good.
.-= Gaylena Collins´s last blog ..Setting the stage to manifesting greatness =-.

4 Jenny Mannion 11.03.09 at 2:21 am

Ohh Kelly – more more more! The way you paint a scene is so brilliant… Characterization, ambiance, intrigue, sexual undertones, a sense of humor…. and wow do you leave your readers wanting more. How you always manage to do that in even a short piece of writing just blows my mind each time. I know I’ve said it often BUT WOW do I LOVE your writing. If I owned a publishing company you would be signed pronto. Much love and thank you SO much for sharing! Love, xo Jenny
.-= Jenny Mannion´s last blog ..Enriching Your Body, Mind and Spirit =-.

5 Robin 11.03.09 at 9:02 am

Loved it, Kelly. It really drew me in, making me race though to the end.

I noticed that you use a lot of “painting a picture with words”, which often in writing I find detracts from the story, but yours doesn’t – it just elegantly makes the words slink down the page, ready for eager consumption.

see you Kel :)
.-= Robin´s last blog ..Ego Is Not A Dirty Word =-.

6 vered 11.03.09 at 12:01 pm

I LOVED it. But it’s not really a surprise. Your writing has always been powerful. Would love to read more! As often as you feel like publishing.

7 Kelly 11.04.09 at 9:09 am

@Gaylena Collins
Thanks so much for your feedback, and of course it’s always nice to get a positive response to one’s stories. I love hearing from new readers (or long time readers and new commenters), so be sure to drop in again.

Thank you *huge blush*. I’ve been very frustrated with working through the plot for this story so I did need some feedback on whether I was wasting my time.

Like you I don’t like to be too distracted by lots of scenic narrative, however, I am currently trying to practise “painting a picture with words” because I think some scene building helps the reader become more invested in the story. Naturally I tend to be very focused on the action and dialogue, so I’m trying to stretch myself a bit.

Thank you :)

Guys, you’ve really helped pep me up for more writing.


8 Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings 11.06.09 at 6:42 am

Oh very cool! Great writing Kelly. I only have one question; What the hell happens next?
.-= Sami – Life, Laughs & Lemmings´s last blog ..Random Acts of Kick Arse – Kindness =-.

9 KRISHNA PAUL 11.07.09 at 1:50 pm


10 Evelyn Lim 11.07.09 at 8:19 pm

Oh wow, Kelly, you are quite a storyteller! You’ve teased me enough to make me wonder what’s going to happen next. It’s great that you are having fun while writing!
.-= Evelyn Lim´s last blog ..Make Peace with Time =-.

11 Rozzen 11.09.09 at 2:08 pm

.-= Rozzen´s last blog ..Holidays Recharge Time =-.

12 jeanjoel 11.25.09 at 12:13 pm

beautiful, I want more!!!

13 Cath Lawson 11.26.09 at 4:36 pm

Hi Kelly – I haven’t been blogging much either, for most of the year really.

That was brilliant. I’m keen to know how she gets out and who has captured her.

14 12.19.09 at 2:52 pm

found you on – glad I dig. Very creative! I am home, visit me, vote on my polls, hope to see you there. 😉
.-=´s last blog ..Sky Watch: Between Me and The Sky I See – San Francisco =-.

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