When I started SHE-POWER Women with the beautiful Jemi, I always had in mind that I would do a partner interview series of SHE-POWER Men.

Like the women’s interview series, SHE-POWER Men is about celebrating ordinary men who live their lives in extraordinary, yet simple ways. Men who like and respect women. Men who strive to live with integrity and honesty.

Clay Collins was always my first choice to kick off SHE-POWER Men. His alternative productivity blog, The Growing Life is somewhat of a blogging phenomenon - over 1000 subscribers by the end of its second month. Then there’s his guest articles at blogs such as Dumb Little Man, Zenhabits, Write to Done and Copyblogger, making Clay one of blogging’s new rising stars.

But most of all I chose Clay Collins because he’s a smart and interesting man with a lot to say and a gifted writer with a truly fresh approach. He’s also been a great blogging buddy of mine and has an easy charm and sincerity that I really wanted to capture for SHE-POWER Men. And if you’ve ever read the Dedication to his Grandparents on The Growing Life then you’ll know why I’m voting him Blogging Bachelor of the Year.

Here is Clay Collins talking life, women, blogs, politics and more.

My idea of the perfect weekend is…

Waking up next to someone awesome, going for a run in the arboretum (or a long bike ride), having a picnic outside with friends, listening to some NPR, and doing some writing.

My mother always told me…

My mother is amazing. My mom always tells me to “be good.” The dialogue goes something like this:

———
Me: talk to you later, mom.

Mom: OK, Clay. Be good.

Me: [Sigh]. I’ll be good mom.

Mom: And you know what that means, Clay.

Me: Yeah, mom, I know what that means.

Mom: It means take care of yourself.

Me: I know. Thanks mom. I love you.

———
In this day and age, so many parents coerce their children into getting good grades, obtaining a respectable career, etc. Parents too frequently convey the notion that “being good” means towing the societal line. So I’m eternally grateful that my mom taught me that being good simply means doing what’s right for me and taking care of myself (physically, intellectually, emotionally, etc.). Taking care of myself, of course, also means taking care of others, because doing our part to lift each other up is a basic human need.

My mom also tried to brainwash me into thinking that I could do whatever I wanted to do. She always told me that “you can do whatever you want if you really want it.” For better or worse, the brainwashing attempts were successful.

What’s your favorite blog to read? Which is most overrated?

Melissa Pierce’s blog is damn cool. And my friend Laurie also has a pretty awesome blog as well. This blog is also pretty fantastic. I also really like 1000 Cuts by Monk Mojo.

The productivity/self-development blogosphere has its share of approval-seeking and overly sensitive writers, and it’s nice to see someone having fun with the whole genre. (Yes, it’s true that Monk Mojo’s made me look like a badass but his blog would probably be a favorite regardless). Rolf Potts vagabonding blog is also damn cool. That man’s my hero.

The problem I have with most self-help/productivity blogs is that they flood us with tips (we’ve hit the TIP tipping point and things have gone WAY too far). If I need to acquire a new skill, or am looking for a list of 100 motivation hacks, then I’ll go to Google.

What I want in my feed reader is (1) good & artful writing, and (2) perspective. I’m looking for creative non-fiction.

My most defining moment was…

When I discovered life and my adult self in Ghana, and when I returned from Ghana to Minneapolis and built a new reality. Like Ethan Zukerman, my heart’s in Accra. I want to go back.

Where do you hope to be in 10 years time?

Writing in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Like so many others, I love writing. I could do it all day. I don’t have issues with writers block, or passion. I just don’t have the time to write 24/7 and a man’s got to make a living. So my dream is to have enough money to feed my family and children, enough time to write, and to be somewhat well-received as an author. It’s nice to know that your work is being read.

What makes you angry and/or sad?

Oh god. HP technical support in Bangalore really pisses me off. President Bush. Military solutions to non-military problems. Hunger really makes me sad because it’s a problem that doesn’t have to exist. Xenophobia, water boarding, and human rights violations also get me worked up.

Do you think men are more likely to be unfaithful than women?

No I don’t. I’d recommend taking a look at two great books: Sperm Wars and The Red Queen.

Do you vote?

Absolutely. If you don’t then you’re partially responsible for this mess we’re in.

If YES, is there anything (eg. a scandal) that would change your mind about your preferred candidate?

Oh sure. If I found out about several covered-up connections between Barack Obama and big business then I’d have to reassess my preference.

Do you regard yourself as a “good catch”? Why or why not?

As always, it depends. I like trying new things so dating me usually involves trying out different camp sites, making new recipes, swimming in new bodies of water, going on impromptu road trips, and good substantive conversations combined with a healthy dose of nonsense.

That said, I’m meeting more and more women these days who are looking to start a family and want a guy to be (in part) infrastructure for their lives (or an enabler for a laundry list of goals). I’m not that guy right now. Someday I’ll want to be a father and when that day comes I’ll probably embrace a more conventional approach to relationships, but until that day comes I’m unlikely to be infrastructure for someone else’s life. I’ll welcome certain things when I’m ready but I’m not there yet.

I really hope that this doesn’t sound misogynistic.

At what point will you feel that you and The Growing Life are a success?

I think it’s already a success and I’m happy with who I am as a person. TGL’s a success because my readers and I are on the same page. When I write something that really resonates with me it also tends to resonate with them. I really didn’t know what to think when I started TGL, but I ended up with 200 subscribers the first month and 800 the second. Everything else feels like gravy. Life is good.

And a Few Questions From The Readers…

What is the biggest change you plan to make in your life this year?

Question courtesy of Cath Lawson

I really don’t know. I honestly haven’t thought about it very much. I’m really not very goal oriented. I’d like to buy a condo and Minneapolis and start laying down very deep roots there, so maybe that’s it.

Settling down, family, marriage: looking forward to, or scared of?

Question courtesy of Vered@MomGrind

Children are great and I’ll happily commit to someone when I’m ready to have children. Probably not earlier. Getting married prematurely, however, scares me sh*tless.

Do you think men remember romantic/relationship events like women do? Eg. First kiss

Question courtesy of Charlotte@CharmedLife

I actually think guys are far more sentimental than women. Guys savor deep emotional connections because they happen much less frequently. So while guys seem to be FAR TOO LOGICAL most of the time, those intense emotional moments are driven much deeper into our psyches because they’re peak experiences.

Was there ever a time when you considered giving up on your blog?

Question courtesy of Chris@WatdaWat

Not really. The whole experience has been great. Sometimes I think I should be spending more time on my book proposal and less time on blog entries, but I don’t think The Growing Life will be going away anytime soon. It’s too much fun, and growing far too fast, for me to put down.

Thanks

Clay

Photo 1 of Clay and friend
Photo 2 provided by StewieD
Photo 3 provided by hjl

Sunday was Mothers Day in Australia, and I had the opportunity to revel in some well earned spoiling from my husband and son. I got to sleep in, had coffee in bed, feasted on pancakes for breakfast, and my gorgeous husband made Indian for me, my mom and stepfather that night.

Mothers Day used to be this obligation where I lamented the empty commercialization of it all and valiantly tried to remember to send a card so I wouldn’t feel guilty. But now that I am a mother I really get the importance of this day. Hell, mothers should be celebrated once a month, not just one day a year!

Mothers are the foundation upon which society is built. They give us life. Feed and nurture us. Teach us our most intrinsic values. Mothers are there to soothe the nightmares and possess the magic lips to kiss away the pain. These days they are also just as likely to be a provider for their families. When you really look at all this responsibility, all this giving, isn’t every mom that mythical creature called a Super Mom?

I’m not saying that every single mother out there is perfect or better than the dads in the family. I believe mothers and fathers possess different roles and different strengths, and one cannot replace the other. Both are important.

Today I’m Celebrating Mothers

The vast majority of them devote their lives to their children. They make sacrifices on a daily basis and struggle to have answers to questions that they may not have figured out for themselves. Too often society, and women themselves, expect perfection and all knowing wisdom from mothers. When the truth is you’re thrown in the deep end from day one, and physically you’re already sinking and you know you have to figure it all out right NOW!

But really you have no idea what you’re doing and you just put one foot in front of the other hoping you don’t fuck it up too much and you don’t send your kids into years of therapy. Me, I’m exhausted from trying to get it right. Now I’m aiming for not getting it TOO wrong.

My mom got a lot of things right. She’s not a perfect cookie cutter mother - if such a creature exists - and I think she’d admit she has some regrets, but my mother is one of my best friends and definitely my greatest ally. Her love and support are unconditional and she sees inside my heart even when I am too scared to look there myself.

My Mom and the Power of Kindness and Empathy

As I sit here reflecting on the gifts my mother has shared with me, many come to mind. But the most important lesson - the one that has brought the most joy and connection to my life - is the power of kindness and empathy.

My mom is one of those people everyone likes. It’s almost impossible not to like her. She is the flashbulb who lights up the room. The buzzing bee who sweeps around making sure everyone is comfortable and taken care of. The one who shares her smile and warmth, her pure generosity of spirit with everyone she meets.

I can’t claim to be as open as mom, but I definitely absorbed some lessons from her that have made a big difference in my life. I try to show my loved ones that I value them. I am generally pleasant and friendly to everyone, whether they are serving me in the supermarket, taking my coffee order or calling me for direct marketing purposes. I learned from mom that what goes around comes around so everyone benefits if you welcome the world with a smile and a kind and generous soul.

Here’s a few quick ways you can get into my mom’s giving spirit and add a little sunshine to people’s lives:

Smile FREELY and for no reason

Everyone wants to be liked and understood so why not relax and let someone talk. Let them get their story out. They’ll feel heard and acknowledged and you’ll send them out into the world in a better frame of mind

Don’t judge people who are different to you. This doesn’t mean you have to hang out with people whose actions you don’t agree with, but we can’t all agree so why get upset and angry about it

Say hi to people you see around your local neighborhood

Chat to that perfect stranger at the bus stop or in the queue, or on the long train commute to work. It doesn’t have to be a big in-depth conversation. A little small talk and shared banter can brighten everyone’s day

Greet the people who serve you and ask how their day is going

Be gracious toward the elderly. Yes, some people may ramble on sometimes but it can get pretty lonely at the end of your life. Start your good karma today

Let other cars into your lane in traffic. We all get stuck sometimes so what’s the big deal about letting someone go before you? It really won’t slow you down that much

Help struggling parents with strollers and/or shopping and roaming kids. if someone seems to have their hands full, it doesn’t hurt to ask if they need some help

Indulge kids with their sometimes nonsensical chatter and pull funny faces to make babies laugh. In both cases, your spirit will feel better

Offer to help someone with their bags

Donate to charity, and be empathetic to street people. You have no idea how they got there or what they’ve suffered. Don’t negate or add to their misery

Tell your friends and family you love them

Be generous with your warmth, laughter and goodwill

Do something nice for someone for no reason at all

When in doubt, forgive. We all mess up. We all fall down. But when we forgive those who have done us wrong we free them, and more importantly, we free ourselves

Here endeth the lesson. I love you mom.

 

Considering it has been almost a week since my last post and in that time SHE-POWER was kidnapped by a Korean religious group, you could be forgiven for thinking I’ve given up on you. Packed my bags and closed up shop.

But never fear my faithful constituents (see my God complex is in full force now - all it needed was an excuse), I am here. I have returned. I may not have anything exciting to say, but what does that matter when you can bask in my all knowing glory. Bring your offerings, your children, your burdens, your ailments and I shall …

Okay, enough! I’ll stop.  This is beyond funny, I’m probably just getting into offensive territory now.

The truth is my server issues dragged on much longer than I expected and my site has only been functioning in a normal fashion since late Monday morning (Sydney time). Since then I have been flat-chat with work and trip preparations, and I still am very busy so this is probably as good a time as any to let you know that I won’t be posting as regularly from now until the end of June.

I’m leaving for Spain in two weeks and I have clients to please, families to organize, bookings to confirm, itineraries to nut out, suitcases to pack and a million other things to do which probably should have been done already, but my hubby and I seem to have lost track of time.

I will endeavor to post at least once a week, even while I am overseas, but please forgive me if it all becomes too hard and not fun and I forget about you so I can enjoy my first family vacation in years. It’s not personal. I don’t have any issues I’d like to air. We’re still pals. I’ll be back.

But I am SO looking forward to Spain. It’s going to be bliss. With lots of time bumming around, walking on white sand beaches, feasting my eyes on gorgeous architecture, eating tapas, drinking sangria and getting laid. Oops, did I just say that?

Well, come on, what else are holidays for?

Moving on from my currently dismal sex life and my great hopes for the future, I am almost finished with the next extract of SHE-POWER Fiction, so I’m aiming to get that to you ASAP. Then I should have my Clay Collins interview up by next week and maybe even a guest post for you too. So, stick around and normal posting will resume in July.

Kelly

Photo by ul Marga

“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”

- Angela Schwindt, Teacher and Author

Happy Birthday to my beautiful boy: 4 years old today

Today, I had a most unproductive day. Last night I wrote out a list of what I wanted to achieve today and the only item I managed to cross off was number 4 on the list: spend quality one-on-one time with Bunny (my son).

We cuddled and watched cartoons. We did puzzles and read books. We ate ridiculous amounts of vegemite on crackers, and seemed to spend hours discussing the complex relationships between Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends and why Diesel doesn’t play nicely with the ‘Steamies’. I’m sorry if you have no idea what I’m talking about here. Believe me, I wish I didn’t know about Thomas either.

The tasks that didn’t happen were not in themselves vital to mankind, but I do feel dissatisfied that I didn’t even attempt to stick with the list. The other items on it were:

• dye my hair - nope it’s still faded brown laced with grey
• help Bunny to paint on a couple of plain t-shirts I bought him - fabric paint is in the cupboard and the t-shirts, well I have no idea where they are
• vacuum - just couldn’t be bothered to piece the heavy contraption together and lug it around the house
• clean the oven - too much like hard work
• polish the next part of SHE-POWER Fiction and write a final draft of a truly enlightening post - um, sorry guys

I’ve spent a lot of today feeling guilty about this lack of productivity. It’s not like I set unachievable goals for the day. Six items to tick off is hardly putting on the pressure. But today I just couldn’t get motivated to DO anything. Maybe it’s the weather.

It’s been rather wet and chilly here in my south coast pocket of NSW, Australia. Winter’s coming in fast, which is pretty crap really because this summer was completely sub-standard. Too much rain, too much wind, too many overcast days and not enough scorching sunshine.

Like many people this has left me feeling resentful toward the change of season. I feel short changed and have found myself standing in my backyard berating the weather. Loudly. It doesn’t seem to mind, and I have yet to be struck down by a sudden bolt of lightening, though Mother Nature could just be toying with me before she punishes me for my disrespectful raving and use of foul language. I may have to keep a look out for sudden tornadoes that pop up and strike my neighborhood, missing everyone’s else’s house except for mine. If it can happen on Wisteria Lane, then no one’s safe, I say.

Or maybe the weather is just an excuse I’m grasping for because I feel lazy for choosing to drop out of responsible adult life today. Even though I am a mother and spending time with my son is part of my ‘job’, on the rare occasion I do nothing else except have fun with him I feel like I am piking out and doing the wrong thing.

On those days when my husband asks “How was your day?” I try to come up with something else that I did, just so I have something ‘grown up’ to tell him. Something that sounds like work. Because to non-stay-at-home parents it doesn’t sound like work to play trains, chasings or play dough.

Although when you do it day in and day out, it is just another part of your job description. It needs to be done just like making the beds and doing the food shopping, but it’s worse because it can feel like your brain is being eaten by an insatiable monster you gave birth to. And some days you get so tired of the giving and the listening and the endless patience required that you’d pay anything to go sit in an office cubicle and tap away at a computer. Anything.

But today was not one of those days. Today I wanted to be a kid and live only in the moment like my son does. I wanted to throw out the list and say to hell with being productive. Of course, Bunny embraced this undivided attention whole heartedly with no clue of the internal struggles mummy was going through as she drove Percy along the track.

My son does not care that I need to keep a household running and feel like a productive member of society. To him, I am mummy. Nothing more. Nothing less. Today, I thought that sounded pretty good.

So, what have I actually said in this post that is meaningful and worthwhile? Hmm, nothing much. Well, that is exactly what I accomplished today. Now, I like the symetry in that, don’t you?

Photo by Fabiola Medeiro

I so wish I was jumping for joy like this fella in the photo. In fact, I’d settle for walking around the house without coughing and having my nose run everywhere. After twelve days of a stinking, mangy flu, I’m not feeling my usual sunny self and I am ever so slowly losing my mind!

Why should you care? Well, after yet another day of throwing myself from the couch to my bed, whining and moaning in despair, I’ve had lots of time to think and have come up with an effective how-to list for surviving family illness.

Number ONE with a bang - DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. They may look cute, and be all cuddly and stuff, but it’s all an evil facade. Their real reason for being here is to contaminate us! They’re death traps I tell you!

All kind of infections and bugs lurk within those smiling faces and that downy soft skin. This is the most important lesson I can impart. Do not have children if you want to stay healthy.

If you’ve already screwed up and had children, well that’s it, you’ve got an an uphill battle now. May as well look at some emergency measures just to try and hold you together. Please see the following:

• Never under any circumstances care for sick children yourself. When they’re sick they sweat, billow out snot and drool, and all that infectious gunk gets on you. Not healthy. Some do-gooders will go on about it being your responsibility - ignore them. Relatives are vital here. Drop the kids off with their grandparents, uncle, aunt, basically anyone who will take them and hasn’t served time. The Emergency room at the local hospital is also an option, but you’ll need someone waiting in the car with the engine running so you can make a quick exit.

If you ignored the above advice, there’s probably little I can do to help you, but because I’m a kind and generous soul, I’ll try.

• Do not spend all night when you’re supposed to be resting, getting up and down to a sick child. So, they’ve got a fever, you’re suffering too. Let’s get some perspective here! Slip them an extra dose of panadol. It’ll get rid of the temperature and knock them out. Problem solved.

• Do not try and sit up late with some crazed idea that you might be able to write a blog post, even though you can barely stand. The only thing that will happen is you’ll sit there, stare vacantly at the screen, then fall asleep on the keyboard and wake up with a crink in your neck to add to the headache and the runny nose.

• Drink plenty of fluids and eat lightly. Apparently beer and wine don’t count because of the histamines, but any doctor that says whiskey, vodka and gin won’t clear the head and warm the chest is a quack and deserves their license to be revoked. Chocolate biscuits do count as a light meal as long as you don’t finish the packet.

• When your doctor gives you antibiotics, they actually expect you to take them. Putting them in the bathroom cabinet will not suffice. Apparently they don’t work from a distance. A related point is…

• Have someone else dole out your child’s antibiotics. (Didn’t I tell you to get rid of that kid?) The simple act of giving your child their prescriptions will make you think you took yours, but you didn’t! Now the rugrat is getting better and you’re still sick and the little mite wants to know why mummy won’t take him to the park. Mummy’s dying, don’t you get it, child!

• Do not spend the days you’re supposed to be resting doing the washing, the floors, the kitchen and all the other parts of the house that are getting dirtier and messier by the minute. Get a cleaner. Enlist your partner. Enslave the kids.

• Make sure you call everyone you know to whine about how sick you are. It will bore them to tears, but you’ll feel better and everyone will get the point that you really are the most important person in the world.

• Forget about exercise. And definitely do not go for a run on the first day you start feeling better. You may find yourself overheating and puking your guts up in the park with some horrified granny glaring at you and rushing away in her walker. Not that this happened to me of course.

• My last point is vital. You are not a parent when you’re sick. It’s everyone for themselves. So the kids are killing each other and want to ride their bikes on the main road. Let them. Who has the energy to fight? You can’t worry about every minor detail, can you? Everything your children say is right this week. Ice-cream and chocolate topping is dinner. Green jelly is basically a vegetable and yes, your son can watch Thomas the Tank Engine all day.

Now, don’t thank me all at once for these valuable tools to survive illness and family life. I know they’re revolutionary, but hey I’m a genius. You leave the hard work to me. Just sit back and enjoy.

I’m off to work on chromosomal gene theory now.

Kelly

Health Warning - Anyone without a sense of humor should disregard this post entirely. Actually, forget you ever saw this blog. If you don’t understand my humor, even the deranged stuff, then we’re probably not right for each other. Find someone else. You will love again.

Photo by mikes&mugs

I’ve had a lousy week. Seven days of a respiratory infection, coupled with a feverishly ill son. I may not technically be dying, but I’ve definitely wallowed in the possibility as I’ve lain on the couch with a whimpering child and a hacking cough. Attractive image, I know.

As a consequence, my posting has fallen off a bit. My new SHE-POWER Fiction is still in draft form and I hope to polish it up and publish it in the next day or so. In the mean time, all this lounging around the house has had an upside in that I’ve spent lots of time surfing the web, feeding my groggy, medicated brain.

Here are the links I’ve cruised and loved this week:

Life on a Shoestring Budget has some creative and adventurous ideas for how to make your dollar go further. Check out their new 5 part series: 20 Ways to Live on Almost Nothing.

Cath Lawson writes about how to make yourself stand out as a freelancer in: Nude Freelancer Storms Google Campus

Leo from Zen Habits provides some tips for how to lift yourself out of a funk in: Flip Your Karma: 8 Tricks to Turn the Bad into the Awesome

Celebrate being a free woman with generous human rights this Saturday, 8 March by visiting the official International Womens Day website. There’s podcasts, photographs, information on the 97 years of IWD and some interesting links.

Caroline Middlebrook gives 6 Steps to Find the Right Work-Life Balance. I really liked this article as this is something I struggle with. I seem to go through binges where I neglect my work and lavish family, friends with quality time, then I panic that I’m not getting enough writing done so I chain myself to the computer and fob everyone off until my son practically has to rip my fingers off the keyboard. Can I blame astrology here? Us Librans struggle with balance…

The article, Sex, Blogs and Screenwriting got my attention this week with a focus on Diablo Cody, the winner of this year’s Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay. The film in question, Juno is a must see, and Diablo Cody is particularly interesting because she first gained attention as a blogger. This led to a book deal, which then led to a screen writing career, which then led to her stealing MY DREAM!

And following up with more Juno goodness, Mia Freedman, a well known Australian writer/media personality wrote a funny post on the Academy Award nominated actress, Ellen Page. Check out Not that there’s anything wrong with being a lesbian, you understand. Make sure you watch the videos. I like people who don’t take themselves too seriously.

Enjoy this blog while you can; a Hollywood producer is going to be calling me any day now…

Photo by spoon

When I was a girl, my dad would play the guitar for my brother and I and sing our favorite folk songs before we went to sleep. He rarely yelled when we were in trouble and he was big on the “I’m disappointed in you” stare. For me, there was nothing worse than daddy being disappointed in me.

I can’t attest to how he was as a husband, but I remember being grateful that my dad was taking me to the beach and to music festivals while other kids had fathers who sat on the couch watching sport and drinking beer all weekend.

This week, Leo Babauta from Zen Habits told his readers they could ask him 100 Questions on any topic. This was what I asked him.

“What do you think are the qualities of a great husband and father, and are you happy with the job you’ve done so far?”

This is an extract from Leo’s answer:

“I think just a desire to spend time with your wife and children, and to love them and talk with them and have fun with them, is all that really matters. Also, accept them for who they are”

I’d agree with this, and I’d also add the following.

A Good husband and father…

puts his family first
shares parenting
guides his children to be good citizens
is honest, faithful and reliable
is able to admit when he is wrong
knows romance is not a slap on the ass and “how about it?”
is encouraging and supportive
leaves work at the door when he comes home
does his share of the household chores
knows his wife needs time out and hobbies too
listens and can communicate
shows his love and appreciation
is considerate, kind and forgiving

I am grateful that I have found someone to fill these shoes, and I try myself to reflect the SAME QUALITIES BACK TO HIM. Love is a complicated thing. Sometimes it’s easy and light, without a care in the world. Other times it’s a backbreaking slog through trenches of mud. Human beings are not infallible. Even the best of us can get lost and let our loved ones down. That doesn’t matter as long as MOST OF THE TIME we are empathetic and loving, trying to meet each other’s needs.

Marriage is about having each other’s back. About looking ahead and side stepping those trenches together. Or pulling each other out of the mud when it’s needed. Your list of a good husband and father might not look like mine, but I hope it resembles the man you’re living with. Because that’s as good as life gets.

Photo by sfbike

Mary at Goodlife Zen has a great post up at the moment: 7 Strategies for Good Luck. In it, she talks about the recent findings of an English University Professor, who did a study find out why some people are lucky, while others are not.

Richard Wiseman even ran a project called Luck School to see if participants could learn to be luckier, and what he found was that they could. His results show that people are not born lucky, some just know how to bring luck to them.

The article and the following commentary got me thinking: What is luck anyway? Whether I call myself lucky or not really comes down to perception; how I choose to see myself and others. And these views are not universal.

Some people might look at celebrities and think everyone would agree they’re lucky, but we don’t know what goes on in these people’s private lives. Just look at the recent trials of Britney Spears, and there’s a strong case that luck in one area may be a double edged sword in others.

Let me illustrate the importance of perception with three examples. Who do you think is the luckiest?

1. a man whose wife of 10 years has left him and taken their children, but the day after the divorce he wins $20,000
2. a 40 year old female lawyer, who earns $150,00 a year, would love a family, but can’t find Mr Right
3. a woman who has a loving family and is financially stable, but is overweight with diabetes and a heart condition
4. a happily married man with 4 children, an average job, good friends, but who always struggles to pay the bills

It’s not so easy to judge, is it?

If you asked me a year ago if I was lucky, I would have said “No”. I’ve had my fair share of misfortune in my life, and I’ve never been one to win lotteries or competitions. However, in the last year I’ve had an attitude adjustment. I’ve started practising conscious gratitude, and have found that focusing on what I already have in my life makes me feel happier AND luckier. Here are just a few things I am grateful for:

• I live in a peaceful country with a very hospitable climate (Australia)
• I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 10 years
• I have had the privilege of education and a chosen career (or three)
• I have a healthy son who grows and changes before my eyes every day
• I am able bodied, healthy and still relatively young
• I have friends and family who love me
• I have a sun-filled home and garden, which acts as my sanctuary from the world
• I have loved passionately and fully, knowing both the joy of a blooming heart and the despair of a broken one
• I am able to write and correspond with all of you, which makes my heart sing
• I have traveled the world, had many adventures, and know there are lots more to come

I could go on, but I hope my point is clear. If we really look at our lives, there is much to be grateful for, so I think I’ll skip the Luck School.

Tell me, how lucky are you?

I love trivia and learning new things, so I tend to read far and wide. The following is a list of 25 Fast Facts About Women Around the World. Some are quirky, some serious, and others are just downright depressing. I tried to offer a balance of each, and hope that there’s something to make you smile, as well as something to make you think.

Here’s the 25 that got my attention and made the list.

1. 80% of the 50 million people around the world who are affected by violent conflicts, civil wars, disasters, and displacement are women and children

2. In 2004, 48.8% of the seats held in parliament in Rwanda were held by women. Contrast that to Cuba where 36% of the seats were held by women, and the USA, where 14.3 % of the seats were held by women. Saudi Arabia and the Solomon Islands are just two countries where there are no women in parliament (UNDP, Human Development Report 2004)

3. In 76 countries, less than half the eligible girls are enrolled in secondary school

4. Women own only 1% of the world’s land

5. Approximately three million women in the USA sport tattoos

6. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn’t give her coffee

7. 43% of Australian marriages end in divorce. of those who remarry, 65% of them will divorce again. By the time you try for marriage number 3, your chance of getting divorced is about 75%

8. The women of the Tiwi tribe in the South Pacific are married at birth

9. It is illegal to be a prostitute in Siena, Italy, if your name is Mary

10. In parts of Malaya, the women keep harems of men

11. The two highest IQ’s ever recorded (on a standard test) both belong to women

12. In Kenya where 38% of the farms are run by women, those women manage to harvest the same amount per hectare (2.47 acres) as men, despite men having greater access to loans, advice, fertilizers, hybrid seeds, insecticides. And when women were given the same level of help, they were found to be more efficient than men, and produced bigger harvests

13. Over half a million women die in childbirth every year in Africa and Asia

14. Nearly 1/2 of all Indonesian women have had their first child by the time they are 17

15. In the USA, unintended pregnancies account for almost half of all pregnancies

16. According to The World Health Org., 40 per cent of girls aged 17 or under in South Africa are reported to have been the victim of rape or attempted rape

17. In Sweden, 76% of mothers work, the highest percentage in the developed world

18. Australia, New Zealand and the US are among a handful of governments that do not require women to be paid some form of maternity leave. In countries as diverse as Russia, Colombia, Laos and Morocco, the government foots the entire bill for three to six months of maternity leave

19. By age 55, 95% of all U.S. women have married

20. In 2007 the world’s richest self-made woman was Ms Zhang Yin, a Chinese paper recycling entrepreneur

21. Only 5% of Hollywood feature films are directed by women

22. Today, Japan leads the world in condom use. Like cosmetics, they’re sold door to door, by women

23. Seventy percent of women would rather have chocolate than sex (Poll taken in a 1995 women’s magazine)

24. Australian women have sex on the first date more than women the same age in the USA and Canada

25. China is considered the next big marketing opportunity for the tobacco industry because only 3.8% of Chinese women smoke, compared with 63 % of adult males

When you research the state of women around the world, I am sad to say that finding inspiring facts and figures is difficult. There is much that I left off this list, simply because I didn’t want to send everyone into a black mood for the day!

We may look around at progress in developed countries and feel women are better off than they’ve ever been, but we are such a minority. The story is completely different for much of the world’s women, who are suffering from the same persecution, and deplorable health and living conditions that they’ve endured for centuries. I’ll try to remember that the next time I’m complaining about my life.

If you have access to a computer, shelter, breakfast in your tummy and are able to read this, then you already have so much to be grateful for.

Have a great day.

Kelly


Photo by elchapincito.