Sunday was Mothers Day in Australia, and I had the opportunity to revel in some well earned spoiling from my husband and son. I got to sleep in, had coffee in bed, feasted on pancakes for breakfast, and my gorgeous husband made Indian for me, my mom and stepfather that night.

Mothers Day used to be this obligation where I lamented the empty commercialization of it all and valiantly tried to remember to send a card so I wouldn’t feel guilty. But now that I am a mother I really get the importance of this day. Hell, mothers should be celebrated once a month, not just one day a year!

Mothers are the foundation upon which society is built. They give us life. Feed and nurture us. Teach us our most intrinsic values. Mothers are there to soothe the nightmares and possess the magic lips to kiss away the pain. These days they are also just as likely to be a provider for their families. When you really look at all this responsibility, all this giving, isn’t every mom that mythical creature called a Super Mom?

I’m not saying that every single mother out there is perfect or better than the dads in the family. I believe mothers and fathers possess different roles and different strengths, and one cannot replace the other. Both are important.

Today I’m Celebrating Mothers

The vast majority of them devote their lives to their children. They make sacrifices on a daily basis and struggle to have answers to questions that they may not have figured out for themselves. Too often society, and women themselves, expect perfection and all knowing wisdom from mothers. When the truth is you’re thrown in the deep end from day one, and physically you’re already sinking and you know you have to figure it all out right NOW!

But really you have no idea what you’re doing and you just put one foot in front of the other hoping you don’t fuck it up too much and you don’t send your kids into years of therapy. Me, I’m exhausted from trying to get it right. Now I’m aiming for not getting it TOO wrong.

My mom got a lot of things right. She’s not a perfect cookie cutter mother - if such a creature exists - and I think she’d admit she has some regrets, but my mother is one of my best friends and definitely my greatest ally. Her love and support are unconditional and she sees inside my heart even when I am too scared to look there myself.

My Mom and the Power of Kindness and Empathy

As I sit here reflecting on the gifts my mother has shared with me, many come to mind. But the most important lesson - the one that has brought the most joy and connection to my life - is the power of kindness and empathy.

My mom is one of those people everyone likes. It’s almost impossible not to like her. She is the flashbulb who lights up the room. The buzzing bee who sweeps around making sure everyone is comfortable and taken care of. The one who shares her smile and warmth, her pure generosity of spirit with everyone she meets.

I can’t claim to be as open as mom, but I definitely absorbed some lessons from her that have made a big difference in my life. I try to show my loved ones that I value them. I am generally pleasant and friendly to everyone, whether they are serving me in the supermarket, taking my coffee order or calling me for direct marketing purposes. I learned from mom that what goes around comes around so everyone benefits if you welcome the world with a smile and a kind and generous soul.

Here’s a few quick ways you can get into my mom’s giving spirit and add a little sunshine to people’s lives:

Smile FREELY and for no reason

Everyone wants to be liked and understood so why not relax and let someone talk. Let them get their story out. They’ll feel heard and acknowledged and you’ll send them out into the world in a better frame of mind

Don’t judge people who are different to you. This doesn’t mean you have to hang out with people whose actions you don’t agree with, but we can’t all agree so why get upset and angry about it

Say hi to people you see around your local neighborhood

Chat to that perfect stranger at the bus stop or in the queue, or on the long train commute to work. It doesn’t have to be a big in-depth conversation. A little small talk and shared banter can brighten everyone’s day

Greet the people who serve you and ask how their day is going

Be gracious toward the elderly. Yes, some people may ramble on sometimes but it can get pretty lonely at the end of your life. Start your good karma today

Let other cars into your lane in traffic. We all get stuck sometimes so what’s the big deal about letting someone go before you? It really won’t slow you down that much

Help struggling parents with strollers and/or shopping and roaming kids. if someone seems to have their hands full, it doesn’t hurt to ask if they need some help

Indulge kids with their sometimes nonsensical chatter and pull funny faces to make babies laugh. In both cases, your spirit will feel better

Offer to help someone with their bags

Donate to charity, and be empathetic to street people. You have no idea how they got there or what they’ve suffered. Don’t negate or add to their misery

Tell your friends and family you love them

Be generous with your warmth, laughter and goodwill

Do something nice for someone for no reason at all

When in doubt, forgive. We all mess up. We all fall down. But when we forgive those who have done us wrong we free them, and more importantly, we free ourselves

Here endeth the lesson. I love you mom.

photo by BoazImages
Are you stuck for what to get your loved ones? If your family is anything like mine, everyone has more than enough. Isn’t that just the modern dilemma, how to gift in a society where over consumption is the national past time? Too often we end up effectively swapping spending with our loved ones. Have you ever thought of that? If my brother buys me a t-shirt I don’t really need and I could have bought myself, and I then buy him a book he could have paid for if he had really wanted it, then aren’t we just using Christmas as an excuse to spend money?

Now, I realise this may make me sound like a scrooge, but really I’m not. I am all for spoiling people on birthdays because they’re personal, they’re about YOU. But if Christmas is about the sacrifice of Jesus or the spirit of giving, whichever philosophy you fall in line with, then isn’t it better to GIVE to THOSE WHO REALLY NEED IT at Christmas?

You can still swap gifts on the big day; just set a low limit like $10 where everyone has to get creative and have a bit of fun with the gift giving. Then, with all that money you save, donate it to one of the many reputable charities who could put your hard earned dollars to good use. Here are a brief list of organisations who could use your help.

Doctors without Borders

International Red Cross

Amnesty International

The Smith Family

The Salvation Army

Barnardos Australia - Children’s Charity

Another option, which is just as noble, but maybe a bit more fun is that offered by Oxfam Australia. They have a catalogue of fair trade items which can be purchased online and given as exotic and well-intentioned gifts. They also have a division called Oxfam Unwrapped, which allows you to buy a specific ‘product’, such as a $10 chicken or a $117 donkey for needy people in a variety of countries across the globe. The upside of this is not only do you know what you’re paying for and where it’s going, but Oxfam then send out a funny card which you can gift to a loved one, detailing what you bought on their behalf. It can be a very cute and heart warming gift and is perfect for people who have everything, or even older relatives who genuinely are way past the need for more STUFF.

My particular favorite is to HELP A WOMAN IN INDIA START HER OWN BUSINESS. For a measly $14 you can assist a woman from a third world country to become financially independent. Think of the flow-on effect here. Self determined and proud mothers mean a bright and hopeful future for their children, and especially their daughters. Female equality cannot be achieved until women everywhere can choose how to live their lives, whilst having the means to do so. I can’t think of a better way to spend my cash this Christmas.

Giving instead of gifting. Give it a try. if not this year, maybe next. And to all of you I wish you the very best Christmas and New Year ever.

Lots of Love

Kelly