Sunday was Mothers Day in Australia, and I had the opportunity to revel in some well earned spoiling from my husband and son. I got to sleep in, had coffee in bed, feasted on pancakes for breakfast, and my gorgeous husband made Indian for me, my mom and stepfather that night.

Mothers Day used to be this obligation where I lamented the empty commercialization of it all and valiantly tried to remember to send a card so I wouldn’t feel guilty. But now that I am a mother I really get the importance of this day. Hell, mothers should be celebrated once a month, not just one day a year!

Mothers are the foundation upon which society is built. They give us life. Feed and nurture us. Teach us our most intrinsic values. Mothers are there to soothe the nightmares and possess the magic lips to kiss away the pain. These days they are also just as likely to be a provider for their families. When you really look at all this responsibility, all this giving, isn’t every mom that mythical creature called a Super Mom?

I’m not saying that every single mother out there is perfect or better than the dads in the family. I believe mothers and fathers possess different roles and different strengths, and one cannot replace the other. Both are important.

Today I’m Celebrating Mothers

The vast majority of them devote their lives to their children. They make sacrifices on a daily basis and struggle to have answers to questions that they may not have figured out for themselves. Too often society, and women themselves, expect perfection and all knowing wisdom from mothers. When the truth is you’re thrown in the deep end from day one, and physically you’re already sinking and you know you have to figure it all out right NOW!

But really you have no idea what you’re doing and you just put one foot in front of the other hoping you don’t fuck it up too much and you don’t send your kids into years of therapy. Me, I’m exhausted from trying to get it right. Now I’m aiming for not getting it TOO wrong.

My mom got a lot of things right. She’s not a perfect cookie cutter mother - if such a creature exists - and I think she’d admit she has some regrets, but my mother is one of my best friends and definitely my greatest ally. Her love and support are unconditional and she sees inside my heart even when I am too scared to look there myself.

My Mom and the Power of Kindness and Empathy

As I sit here reflecting on the gifts my mother has shared with me, many come to mind. But the most important lesson - the one that has brought the most joy and connection to my life - is the power of kindness and empathy.

My mom is one of those people everyone likes. It’s almost impossible not to like her. She is the flashbulb who lights up the room. The buzzing bee who sweeps around making sure everyone is comfortable and taken care of. The one who shares her smile and warmth, her pure generosity of spirit with everyone she meets.

I can’t claim to be as open as mom, but I definitely absorbed some lessons from her that have made a big difference in my life. I try to show my loved ones that I value them. I am generally pleasant and friendly to everyone, whether they are serving me in the supermarket, taking my coffee order or calling me for direct marketing purposes. I learned from mom that what goes around comes around so everyone benefits if you welcome the world with a smile and a kind and generous soul.

Here’s a few quick ways you can get into my mom’s giving spirit and add a little sunshine to people’s lives:

Smile FREELY and for no reason

Everyone wants to be liked and understood so why not relax and let someone talk. Let them get their story out. They’ll feel heard and acknowledged and you’ll send them out into the world in a better frame of mind

Don’t judge people who are different to you. This doesn’t mean you have to hang out with people whose actions you don’t agree with, but we can’t all agree so why get upset and angry about it

Say hi to people you see around your local neighborhood

Chat to that perfect stranger at the bus stop or in the queue, or on the long train commute to work. It doesn’t have to be a big in-depth conversation. A little small talk and shared banter can brighten everyone’s day

Greet the people who serve you and ask how their day is going

Be gracious toward the elderly. Yes, some people may ramble on sometimes but it can get pretty lonely at the end of your life. Start your good karma today

Let other cars into your lane in traffic. We all get stuck sometimes so what’s the big deal about letting someone go before you? It really won’t slow you down that much

Help struggling parents with strollers and/or shopping and roaming kids. if someone seems to have their hands full, it doesn’t hurt to ask if they need some help

Indulge kids with their sometimes nonsensical chatter and pull funny faces to make babies laugh. In both cases, your spirit will feel better

Offer to help someone with their bags

Donate to charity, and be empathetic to street people. You have no idea how they got there or what they’ve suffered. Don’t negate or add to their misery

Tell your friends and family you love them

Be generous with your warmth, laughter and goodwill

Do something nice for someone for no reason at all

When in doubt, forgive. We all mess up. We all fall down. But when we forgive those who have done us wrong we free them, and more importantly, we free ourselves

Here endeth the lesson. I love you mom.

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

- Nelson Mandela, South African Statesman and Nobel Prize Winner


Just wanted to let you all know that SHE-POWER has been having some major server issues. Actually, that’s a bit of an understatement; if you checked the site 8-20 hours ago, you would have found that SHE-POWER had become the Queensgate Baptist Church. Yes, I was a bit shocked to see I had gone religious, and with Korean constituents as well. I never cease to amaze even myself…

But seriously, I’m still having problems accessing my server company and my email isn’t working so I’m going to post this Quote of the Week as a bit of a test run to see what’s what.

Hopefully I am going to go to bed and wake up to find everything is back to normal in the morning. If not, I guess it will be another call to the USA to very politely enquire “What the fuck is going on?”

Photo by stibbons

I talked recently of my concerns about the direction of my blog and what niche I am in. Since then, I have thought a lot about this and have decided that SHE-POWER is about Celebrating Life and the Best of Humanity.

I believe everyone has unique gifts to share. I believe people, despite their diversity, are more connected at their core than many of us would like to admit. I believe other people can be the mirror for all that we need to know about ourselves.

Life is unpredictable, fraught with sorrow and fear. But it is lightened by friendship, untempered joy, hope and love. I want you to find some of that light and inspiration here and that is why I am launching SHE-POWER Women, an interview series which will profile ordinary women living their lives in extraordinary, yet simple ways.

I thought long and hard about who to choose as my first SHE-POWER Woman. I knew I wanted a fellow blogger and I had a few choices in mind, but it didn’t take long for Jemi from In My Heels to stand out.

If you have ever read In My Heels, you will know that Jemi is all heart. When she writes, it is with wit and charm, honesty and courage. This is a young woman who has already experienced a devastating loss, yet she has chosen to push through and embrace life, while sharing her journey of hope and healing with others.

Jemi displays an optimism and zest for life that I find both intoxicating and inspirational. And that’s why I am honoured to have her here today answering some questions, letting us in, sharing her spirit with us all.

Please join me in welcoming

JEMI, our first SHE-POWER Woman.

My idea of the perfect weekend is… hanging out at the Barnes and Noble bookstore(really), a long drive accompanied by an awesome new playlist on my iPod, getting in touch with my two best friends

My mother always told me…that I was special and that I was going to do something very significant in this life for people

Love is…an emotion I hold on to for dear life whenever it comes my way

I am inspired by… unexpected kindness from all types of people, my readers, songs that are *just right*, love, and cute shoes

Tell us if and how you have experienced the “kindness of strangers”

– oh absolutely and it always stuns me in the most pleasant of ways. My husband passed away and April 17^th would have been our 2^nd wedding anniversary…so I am in a whole lot of pain. I don’t really know many people on campus yet and one of the students in a class of mine came up to me rather randomly as I walked around..and though I don’t know him very well, he reached out and told me he sensed something was very wrong. I don’t know how he knew since everyone I come upon would comment on my cheerful attitude. After standing there with me and talking to me for a while, he gave me a huge hug and reminded me to give myself the break I (clearly) need. Losing someone you love places you in a solitude that often times, you don’t ask for. It’s the most amazing feeling when someone takes the time out to remind you that you are not alone.

My most defining moment was… deciding to live alone after I moved back to the East Coast. I learned a whole lot about myself thus far.

What song always gets you on the dance floor?

What an unfair question! No really, I have no limits…

Where do you hope to be in 10 years time?

Working as a spanking new doctor, bright eyed and all.

What do you do to lift your mood when you’re down?

I get in touch with my best friends; I play the piano until my mind is off of my problem; call mom; workout; go for a long drive

What three words best describe you?

Positive, creative, empathetic

What makes you angry?

People who have no qualms with hurting others – especially those who set out to do it

If you won $1 mil, what would you change about your life?

There’s an excellent chance I would invest some of that in my private practice/business. I’d be the coolest doc on the block.

Thanks

JEMi *cheesy grin*

Photo1 by angela7dreams

If you’ve never visited Terence Chang’s Happiness blog, SmileMyDay, then you’re missing out on an inspirational lift for your day. Terence has collected an array of amazing photographs of people and their smiles, which makes me proud to say I’m his latest Blogger Interview and Smile.

SmileMyDay is a truly unique blog and I hope you’ll go across to read my short interview on happiness and vote for me and my gorgeous, smiling son. And if you feel like helping SHE-POWER and the Happiest Blog in the World find more readers then a Stumble would be great. Positive, growing blogs deserve all the links and attention they can get.

You can also subscribe to SmileMyDay here.

Thanks * sending a big smile your way*

Kelly

For previous articles in this series, see How I Lost 9kg and Still Ate Chocolate Cake (1) and (2).

Losing weight and getting fit is great, but the real reward and challenge comes in maintaining these achievements over time. So far I have discussed the importance of the following changes for sustainable weight loss:

Accept the body you have. Love and respect it the way it is

Find your weight loss motivation and make a conscious decision to change your life

Move more. Find exercise you can enjoy. Have fun. Throw yourself into life

Enlist a friend or a trainer to kick-start your exercise habit

Think long term and persevere, even when you can’t see the results you would like

In this third and final article in the series, I want to focus on the importance of our relationship with food and body image. It’s true that exercise will improve your health no matter what, but if you’re serious about weight loss you’re going to have to take responsibility for your diet at some point. You’ll also need a plan for dealing with your ongoing feelings about your body and the motivational and emotional challenges you are bound to face. So, without further ado…

Set achievable goals. Be realistic in your expectations

I like to live in dream world as much as anyone, but when you want to achieve a goal which is important to you and has ramifications for your long term health and wellbeing, it makes sense to throw a bit of reality into the mix.

Set goals and expectations for yourself that you honestly believe are achievable. This isn’t a matter of dreams and possibility here. We’re talking about how to get you from Point A to Point B, and the best way to do that is with baby steps. If you like to sleep in and haven’t worked out since high school, then I would suggest it is a stretch for you to commit to a 7am training session five days a week. This might be your long term goal, but it’s too hard an ask for a beginner, and will only set you up for failure.

Confidence and perseverance is crucial to your long term success, so build motivation by empowering yourself with small successes. Using the previous example, start off by setting a goal of two 7am workouts a week. This way you’ll find it easier to maintain and after a few weeks you’ll be feeling pretty damn proud of yourself. This taste of success will not only motivate you to continue, but it will make it easier and more believable for you to move your goals and performance expectations to the next level.

In contrast, the original goal of five daily workouts means anything less than that may leave you feeling demoralized at your ‘poor’ performance. This could even become an excuse to stop altogether. Don’t set yourself up for failure by making the bar of expectations so high that there’s no room for error. Help yourself succeed with realistic goals.

The same goes with your eating habits. You’re going to have to make a decision regarding your weight loss goals, and that decision needs to take into account your natural body shape, how you want to live, and your entrenched eating habits. What are you prepared to give up for a slim, fit, healthy body. Beer? Cakes? Pizza? Don’t set the goal of being super buff and trim if you don’t want to make the sacrifices that are entailed. Pick up any magazine and you can leaf through it admiring celebrity bodies, but you can bet these people worked their buns off to look like that. Hours at the gym, pilates classes, no carbs after 3pm etc… Is that how you want to live your life?

If it is, get moving and I wish you well. Me, I want to feel strong and look good, but I know that I won’t be giving up cake in order to be my thinnest possible self. I find too much discipline stifling, so I’ve settled for a rounded, fit version of myself rather than a lean one. My weight loss goals are about bettering my life, so I don’t see the point in wasting my energy fighting my body, my tastebuds and my personality when I’d be so much happier learning how to live with myself.

Develop a new, balanced eating plan based on fresh ingredients. Allow for your weaknesses and don’t deprive yourself too much

I love food. It is one of life’s great pleasures, so dieting and the restrictions it involves are just impossible for me. Even taking into account that I focus on long term health and fitness, this area of my weight loss journey is by far the hardest. It’s not that I am a particularly unhealthy eater; I’m not. I find it easy to eat a balanced diet and enjoy lean meat and fresh vegetables. I don’t eat McDonalds or anything from those kind of fast food chains, and my biggest fatty indulgence would be the occasional dinner of fish and chips.

But I am a sugar addict. There’s no doubt about it. I crave chocolate every day, and if I give into those cravings, even a little, they get worse. For example, the chocolate that goes with Easter is my idea of heaven and I don’t worry about my weight at this time. The trouble is once Easter is finished, I’m still left with the taste for chocolate and I spend the next few weeks trying to get my cravings under control. If I can make three to four days with no sweets, things will usually improve and my willpower can kick into gear, but those first few days are hellish. I’d happily eat chocolate and cheesecake for every meal if it didn’t make me sick. Actually, I have made myself sick and I wasn’t a kid at the time. Like I said, I’m an addict.

If you can eat three low fat meals a day and not junk out on chocolate, chips, hot-dogs or the like, then you’re going to find it a lot easier to slim down and stay that way. In fact, I don’t know why you’re reading this article. You probably don’t even have a weight problem! However, if you’re like most of us and relish your “naughty” foods, then don’t worry there is still hope for you to be fit and healthy.

Food is both fuel and enjoyment so you need to structure an eating plan which satisfies both needs - energy and psychological satisfaction. If I tell you that you should be a vegetarian but you love meat, how is that going to help you? Are you really going to give up meat for the rest of your life, just so you can lose weight? What you need is an eating plan you can live with. Not just for today, but for next week, next year and in another ten years. That’s why crash diets don’t work. They deceive you into thinking some strict, measured eating plan is going to solve all your problems, when really it’s a bandaid measure that hides all your unhealthy habits. What you need are new eating habits which support your health goals while accommodating your guilty food pleasures.

What works for me is a diet of all things in moderation, and I try to keep meals as unprocessed as possible. That way I enjoy a variety of meals, can control where my calories are coming from (processed food has so many invisible sugars and fats) and I’m fueling my body with natural, life giving food. Less chemicals and more nutrients makes for a happy, energized body. Luckily I live in Australia where I have so much access to fresh ingredients.

I also grow herbs and have a full spice cupboard and I mix up white meat with fish and red meat. I balance carbohydrate heavy meals (rice/pasta) with lean protein and low GI foods like steak and salad. I have accepted my weak areas are sweets and night snacking so instead of denying myself completely, I try to work around it. I rarely touch crisps, pies, or cream sauces, or any other savoury high fat food because I know I need to save my calorie bust outs for sugar fixes. One could say that’s weak, but I prefer to think of it as pragmatic. Again, I’m changing my lifestyle long term and aiming for a mostly healthy diet to complement my exercise routine. I’d rather exercise than go without in the food department.

I could go one for ages with the details of how I’ve structured an eating plan to build new habits, and satisfy health and all my family’s individual tastes (my son has food allergies too - such a pain), but that is probably best saved for another post.

See and feel yourself Fit. Celebrate your Achievements

Often the image of ourselves in our head when we’ve been heavy in our life is that of a “fat” person. We carry this fat person around with us and even when we’re doing well and losing weight we’re paranoid about any change that is seen as taking us in the other direction. We act and think like a person with a weight problem.

An important part of beating this unsupportive relationship you have with your body is to start seeing yourself as a person who takes care of themselves, who exercises, who’s getting fitter all the time. Put images of how you want to look on your fridge and imagine it, feel it. When I first started running I actually used to chant “I’m slim, fit and strong” over and over again. It was under my breath so I didn’t freak out the neighbors, but it it did keep me motivated. Now I am at the point where I actually enjoy the run so I don’t have to do it so much.

It’s also important to celebrate your achievements and all the hard work you put in. By patting yourself on the back, you’re building your self esteem and making it much more comfortable for you to reinvent yourself and your body. I like to take the time at the end of a workout to relax, do a few stretches and simple yoga moves. This unwinds my body and mind, and provides me with the space to really appreciate the gift of youth and good health. In these moments, when my skin is slick with sweat, my heart is beating fast and my muscles are tingling, I feel so alive and strong it is amazingly empowering.

Be kind to yourself. Forgive your failings. Break the criticism habit

My last point is related to weight loss, but more importantly it’s a lesson to learn about life. We are all human beings trying our best so give yourself a break. Don’t expect perfection from yourself or others. It’s impossible. We all have weaknesses and we all disappoint ourselves sometimes. I put on 1-2kgs again over Christmas, and at Easter I think I put on 1kg or so, but I soon lost it when I kicked back into routine. It’s not a big deal. Thin people fluctuate too and you’re one of them now, remember?

Decide today to be a better, kinder friend to yourself. You are the one constant in your life, so if you spend it criticizing and tearing yourself down it’s going to be one long and miserable journey. In my first article I talked about learning to love and accept yourself the way you are. A crucial part of this is changing the way we think, and the language we use when talking about ourselves. Watch the words you use to describe yourself. Would you talk to someone else like that? Do you look in the mirror and think degrading thoughts about your body or your appearance? Or do you never look at yourself at all?

Try to look for something you like about yourself when you’re brushing your teeth or getting dressed or catching sight of yourself in the mirror. If you find yourself focusing on ‘faults’, take a deep breath and try to clear your mind. If you can’t, stop and walk away. Do something to keep you busy. Try again later. Think baby steps and commit to finding a way to love yourself for how God (or nature) made you.

Remember that everything takes time. Changes can’t happen overnight. I used to be a terrible perfectionist and in my own eyes I rarely measured up (to what, I don’t know), but these days I have stopped looking in the mirror and zeroing in on my faults. I feel like I have found a new level of self-acceptance and it leaves me feeling a lot lighter and happier in my day to day life. I do believe exercise plays a big part in improving body-image because you know that you’re taking care of yourself and there’s achievement and improved my self-confidence in that. Along with the added rewards of better muscle tone, better health and more energy.

So, that’s it. How I lost 9 kg in a very big nutshell. It has actually been a revelation for me to get all the changes from the past year out of my head. On one hand, it’s uncomfortable because I don’t feel I am a poster child for weight loss, but on the other hand I can see how far I’ve come. I have struggled with my weight for twenty three years, and finally I feel like I might be winning. I have been thinner in the past, but I have never been as balanced, as fit and as at ease with myself and my body as I am now. And I couldn’t ask for more than that.

Best of luck with your own journey to weight loss and good health. It is worth the change and the discomfort. Most of all, YOU are worth it.

Photo 1 by Jennie R.F
Photo 2 by neloqua

In Part 1 of this article series I wrote about how I have struggled with my weight since I was a teenager. Part of this has stemmed from my dietary habits - I’m a sweet fiend who eats for many reasons other than to fuel the body - and the rest from a general distaste for exercise.

In How I Lost 9kg and Still Ate Chocolate Cake (1) I started out with an holistic approach and outlined what I believe are the two most important changes you can make in deciding to lose weight. They were:

Accept the body you have. Love and respect it the way it is

Find your weight loss motivation and make a conscious decision to change your life

This inner work is the foundation upon which the external changes are based. Beating ourselves down with criticism is no way to build self-esteem. Loving and accepting your body the way it is will not only help you become more positive about who you are, but it will gradually affect your choices so that you are more likely to respect yourself enough to live in a way that makes you feel good (and seriously who feels great when they’re overweight and unfit?).

Being kinder to yourself will also help you get more in touch with your body so it is easier to stay motivated with the life changes you will inevitably have to make. I’m sorry if any of you thought I was going to stay with all the warm and fuzzy emotions here. I’m not. Losing weight and maintaining a trim, healthy body takes work and commitment, and somewhere in there you’re going to have to exercise, which leads me to the following changes:

Move more. Find exercise you can enjoy. Have fun. Throw yourself into life

Hopefully, you have a lot of years on this planet and using them to suffer with physical ailments and self loathing is not the best use of your time and spirit. Don’t waste the years when you are young and able sitting on the sidelines waiting for your turn to shine. There is no turn taking in life. You’re either living today or wasting today. That’s it.

Engage with the world and appreciate the gift of breath and movement in your body. You deserve to have joy and excitement in your world. Seek it out. Fun doesn’t come via the television remote control. Get out there and try new experiences. Being overweight does not make you less worthy of having the very best. Stop using it as an excuse to not live.

The first change you can make physically is to add more movement to your day. Travelling in third world countries was a revelation for me because I got to see just how inactive our lives are in the Western world. We have machines to do so much of our manual labor, and even then, some of us outsource the rest. In Nicaragua, I actually washed all my clothes by hand on a washboard like the locals use, and I can tell you, it’s great for upper body strength and quite a workout. I ached the next day, but the women around me did it every day, and not just for themselves, but for entire families.

Now, I’m not suggesting you throw out the washing machine, but you can certainly find ways to walk more, climb more stairs and get more physical around the house and in the garden. I always run the stairs inside my home and I play chasings and kick a soccer ball around with my 4 year old - activities like this are not only good for your health, but good for your relationship with your kids. Another option is to buy a pedometer and count your average daily steps and calories burned. See what you start with and aim to reach at least 10,000 steps a day, even if it takes a month. Work at a pace that is right for you. Consistency is more important than being super active one week and then sedentary for the next two.

To take care of yourself long term you’re going to have to find an exercise/physical activity that you can stick with. To alleviate boredom I advise mixing your exercise up. I started with walking and interval training, then moved to the gym and introduced upper body weights, aerobics, the treadmill and the rowing machine. I swapped and changed until I found my perfect combination. I discovered boxing and now I am addicted. Currently, I box and run, or walk the hills around my home and do some free weights, rowing and basic yoga. I love dancing too, so after I get back from Spain I’m going to take a Latin dance class. The key is to stay excited and keep it fun.

I used to think that I could never learn to enjoy working out; I’m much happier with a glass of wine in my hand than a barbell. But these past months I have proven to myself that anyone can learn to like exercise. It’s a mindset; be positive about what you’re doing for yourself and remember exercise is movement and the body was made to move.

Your body and mind are designed to feel better when you exert energy. It relaxes the muscles, allows the mind to slow as the body takes over and can actually be quite meditative. And I’m sure everyone knows that exercise releases feel-good endorphins in the brain, which reduce stress and elevate your emotional state. Indeed, exercise is considered an essential tool for anyone who is depressed or suffering from anxiety. So, get out there and experiment with ways to add movement and exercise into your life. Make time for yourself and get involved in life. See what new passions you can discover. I never thought I could become a boxing fan, but there you go, life is always waiting to surprise you if you let it.

Enlist a friend or a trainer to kick-start your exercise habit

Starting an exercise routine can be hard work, but it’s nowhere near as hard as maintaining an exercise habit. When I first started working out last year I was walking for 30 minutes and trying to work up to running. At first things were going well, then my fitness and results hit a plateau and I became unmotivated. I wondered what the point was and felt like giving up. It was then that I decided to get honest; I just wasn’t working hard enough. Exercise of any kind had become so foreign to me that I was patting myself on the back for anything at all. “Oh, you walked 5 minutes to get the paper. Good on you, girl. No need to leave the sofa for at least four more days!” I sound like I’m joking, but I’m sad to say I’m not. The situation really was that bad.

I’m not saying that initial efforts shouldn’t be commended. They should. But at some point you’ve got to push your body and raise your expectations. You can derive health benefits from 30 leisurely minutes of walking a few times a week, but you’ll have to do more than that to lose weight and increase your fitness level. It was time to get real. I needed someone to motivate me and help me stick to a regular routine, so I joined the gym with my mum and started seeing a personal trainer twice a week. This was the best thing I could have done.

Having a trainer absolutely kicked my ass! The first few sessions I thought I was going to pass out, but then I started to see and feel results and soon I actually looked forward to the punishment. I learned what it feels like to work the body, hit the first wall where you feel like quitting, then push some more and suddenly you’re transported to this almost exhilarated state where every movement becomes fluid and you are so in the zone it’s like you could fly. I now love that feeling, and I know unless I’m breathless and dripping with sweat, then I haven’t worked hard enough. An important thing to note here is I am talking from the viewpoint of someone who has no health issues affecting my work-outs. I can push my body, but if you want to start a rigorous exercise regime make sure you get your doctor’s okay first.

I no longer see my trainer because I know what I have to do and I am capable of pushing myself. I still work out with mum sometimes - we both love to box - but overall I have made it through that precarious habit-forming stage. Having someone to motivate me, show me what to do and keep me accountable was a crucial step in establishing my exercise habit. I urge you to be honest with yourself about whether you need some structure and encouragement to get you started. I realize gyms and trainers can be costly and I struggled with that as well, but your health is worth it and personally I found the savings from less trips to doctors and specialists made up for a lot of the expense.

Think long term and persevere, even when you can’t see the results you would like

Your continued health and fitness requires more than a diet or exercise fad. I truly believe diets don’t work. For starters, it makes you obsessed with food and everything that you CAN’T EAT. This is just negative reinforcement, and it’s not sustainable for you to swear off your favourite foods forever.

Think of yourself as a new person with a new life ahead of you. That person wants to look good, feel good and have great health. That person wants to exercise and eat better. This is a long term lifestyle change, not a weight loss sprint. You are not in competition with anyone. If someone else is getting faster and better results than you, it doesn’t matter. Everyone is different and sometimes it takes time to really see the fruits of our labor. Concentrate on how you feel because I guarantee that if you exercise and eat healthier foods more often than not, you will feel better. Stay focused on your real motivation and do the work, and eventually you will end up with the best body that you are genetically capable of.

The third installment of this series can be found here.

Photo1 by WhatDaveSees
Photo2 by mikebaird

I love food. All kinds of cuisine - Spanish, Thai, Italian, Turkish - and especially the international cuisine of DESSERT. Oh, how I love dessert.

As well as the taste sensations that food brings, for me it has added significance. Food is love. It makes me feel happy and secure, like everything is okay. I’ve been using food as a panacea for pain since I was a teenager. So, it’s no wonder that my weight has ping ponged up and down throughout my adult life, though it has been much harder to shift since I became a mother.

The beginning of 2007 saw me 12kg (20lb) over my pre-baby weight, and while I’d love to blame that on my son, he wasn’t the one eating chocolate cake!

Every time I saw myself in the mirror I felt depressed. Not because I looked like a whale, but because my face and natural curves were still evident beneath a slowly expanding layer of spongy, marshmallow flesh. It was like the person I knew was slowly disappearing. Not a nice feeling.

I knew I was unfit because walking up stairs was an effort, I was tired all the time and I was starting to feel like a stiff, creaky old woman, whose joints had ceased up and retired. I was in and out of my Physiotherapist’s office and though he kept telling me I needed to strengthen my core stomach muscles, I kept finding excuses why not.

One year later, I have lost 9kgs and I am healthier, fitter and stronger than I’ve been in over 10 years. I actually have muscles appearing and that is so new for me. Better yet, I have become much more resistant to illness. I used to be the first person to get sick in my family (I have sinus problems which tend to make you susceptible to the flu), now I’m often the one whose still standing when my son brings in some horrid virus from pre-school.

The increased strength in my core has also helped my back and shoulder pain, so another bonus is I’ve saved a year’s worth of Physiotherapist costs. I am still a few kilograms over my ideal, but I don’t care because I feel great and I still eat what I like. To be honest that damn cake habit is what’s keeping me from goal weight, but still I always choose dessert over thinner thighs.

So, what changed?

The most important changes were not external; they were made within. I have not discovered an amazing new diet or exercise regime, and I don’t know the secret to unrelenting willpower. Instead, I have reflected on what has been missing in my life and I’ve come to a new mindset and way of being. I have completely overhauled my attitude toward my health, my body, and myself, and that is why this time I am confident that I have found a long term way to stay fit and healthy.

I do not claim to be a poster child for phenomenal weight loss. I was not obese or in a dire health situation. But I do know what it is to struggle with weight and feel like it’s a battle you never seem to win. I know how it feels to be ashamed of my appearance and my apparent lack of willpower, and I know the envy that flairs up when I am with a friend who loves to exercise and has the body to show for it.

The following are the changes I made to take control of my my weight, my health and my life. This is not an exhaustive how-to list for weight loss, rather it’s my personal account of what worked for me.

This is going to be a Three Part Article Series, so today I am going to elaborate on the first two points only. These reflect the inner work I was talking about and I believe they’re the MOST IMPORTANT for permanent weight loss.

Accept the body you have. Love and respect it the way it is

At the end of 2006, I was miserable and doing a lot of soul searching about what I wanted for my future. What did I see when I visualized a happy and successful life?

One of the components in this picture was a slimmer, healthier body, and a ME who was happy with herself, comfortable in her own skin and not constantly tortured by what I might eat that day and how I might look in those new pair of jeans.

Then it hit me. This was a part of my ideal life that I had 100% control over. I didn’t have to wait to feel fit and sexy. This wasn’t going to come with more money or a book deal. I could choose to feel and behave differently today. The question was how to get from being an unfit, exercise despising, food loving, emotional over-eater to that future vision of myself?

The first step was to accept and become comfortable with the body I had. Feeling bad about myself wasn’t going to change me for the better. I had to accept that this body was it, and lucky for me all the parts were working.

I’m quite tall with hips, butt and boobs, so there’s no point yearning for a skinny, boyish figure that I’m never going to have. At my best, I’ve got Marilyn Monroe curves so that’s something to work towards. Aspiring to look like the lean, athletic Cameron Diaz would just be demoralizing and silly.

Learning to love and accept ourselves the way we are is one of life’s big lessons in itself. Too often we place conditions on our self approval. I’ll be okay once I’ve lost 5kg, or when I’ve got that promotion, or when someone falls in love with me. This is holding yourself to ransom and is a sure way to misery.

What if I told you that the person you are today - at this weight, with this job, partner, house - is the person you will stay forever? Would you kill yourself? Wallow in misery and self pity for the next few decades? Or would you give up fighting yourself and just get on with living? That’s all I’m saying. Give up on wishing you were different and find a way to be kind and loving to the person you are today. If you won’t, who will?

This point deserves an entire post in itself and I will do one at a later date.

Find your weight loss motivation and make a conscious decision to change your life

Willpower might help you lose weight, but it won’t keep it off. No one can live in a state of extreme willpower for years. And who’d want to?

If you want to have a fit and healthy body, you must make a conscious decision to eat less, eat well and pursue a more active lifestyle. Not only for today, but tomorrow and forever. This is going to require some changes, push you outside of your comfort zone, so you’re going to need to dig deep and find a long term motivation.

In the past, vanity has been my inspiration for weight loss, though if I’m perfectly honest I’m not sure how much this has ever worked for me. I think I am one of the only women I know who didn’t even TRY to lose weight before her wedding. And I was actually on the heavier side then. So vanity was out.

In the end I went back to the mental image of the perfect me, and what I envied about her was she was fit, energetic, happy and full of life. That’s what I wanted. To feel ALIVE. In contrast, I started 2007 feeling terrible. I was depressed, had chronic allergies and colds, recurring back pain and all I kept thinking was “I’m in my thirties. I’m supposed to be living, not slowly dying!”

Health and wellbeing, combined with a desire to feel young for as long as possible are what I hold onto now when I need a reason to get out of bed and go for a run. I focus on how good it feels to pound the pavement and feel my body working. It energizes me and builds the confidence that I need to get through the hard days. Find a motivation that works for YOU, not your friend, your sister or some so-called expert. You know yourself better than anyone, so what will it take to value yourself with the gift of good health and fitness?

This article was one I found quite hard to write because it documents a very personal struggle of mine, and while I know I’ve turned a corner and am enjoying a new lease on life, I certainly don’t feel like this battle is done. I am not at my goal weight yet and it’s quite likely that I’ll have to work at staying motivated for the rest of my life. What I am hoping is that by sharing this journey with you, I am reinforcing my own motivation, while inspiring some of you on your own journey to weight loss and good health.

Part 2 of How I Lost 9kg and Still Ate Chocolate Cake will be out on Sunday.

PS: I’m sorry to tempt you with the cake photo if you are currently trying to lose weight, but I couldn’t resist. Health and fitness is a life long pursuit and occasional treats of what you love is a part of having an enjoyable, balanced life. This photo clearly illustrates my particular weakness.

Photo1 by Miss Karen

Photo2 by mikebaird

Easter is over for the year and I hope you had a good one. Maybe this holiday held important religious significance for you, or maybe it was just a long weekend - a break from work and a chance to hang out with family and friends. For me, Easter is a time to focus on the ones I love, take stock of what’s important, whilst also giving thanks for all that I am blessed with.

This year, Easter had me thinking a lot about faith and the important role I believe it plays in everyone’s life. First, let me clarify what I mean by everyone needs faith. I am NOT saying everyone needs God or religion. I would not describe myself as religious, though I do have a strong faith. I believe the two are not the same thing.

To be religious, one follows the teaching of a particular religion. As I have never been baptized (my parents believed I should choose for myself when I was old enough) and I don’t follow the teachings of any particular church, I couldn’t be described as religious, though I definitely believe in God.

In writing this post, I have searched for a label to describe myself, though I am not sure why I feel the need. Perhaps it’s a sense of responsibility to clarify my ‘position’ before writing about a potentially sensitive topic, or maybe I’ve just been conditioned by the basic human need to define myself and my ‘kind’. At a base level, isn’t this what a religion does? It unites and labels a group of people as following an agreed upon belief system. By adopting the label, you are publicly stating which group you belong to so everyone knows.

I’ve searched for my group, but I’m having trouble because none of the labels seem to fit. I’m not an Agnostic or an Atheist. I thought I might be a Heathen, but upon examination, I am definitely not, and Pagan doesn’t seem right either because it’s often associated with witchcraft and being at one with the trees - two things I know very little about . The best label I have come up with so far is I am a Christian/Buddhist because I believe in God (or a higher power or the universe or Source - take your pick) and I believe in reincarnation. So, if you think that describes you, then give me a shout because it would be nice if I found more of my ‘kind’.

When I was a child, I didn’t like that I had no religion. It wasn’t that I couldn’t join a church if I wanted to; my parents were supportive of whatever choice I made. But I envied the other kids who didn’t have to think about such matters, who had been given their religious community, even if that didn’t mean anything on a day to day basis.

It’s fair to say, the majority of Australians are not actively religious. Although the 2001 Census found that 68% of Australians identify as Christian, only 17% of them go to church regularly, and 25% of Australians say they have no religion at all.

With a background like this, it’s probably no wonder that I have questioned the relevance of religion in modern life. When I was a young adult, just the word - God - made me uncomfortable. I associated it with people who would knock on my door and try to convert me, or people who abused and judged others, or committed heinous acts in the name of their beliefs. Religion in this form terrifies me.

It is only in my thirties after travelling a good part of this world and seeing many things - good and bad - that I realise I have always had spiritual faith. The only difference is it has grown clearer and stronger with the passing years. I believe in something more than myself, and what my five senses tell me is true. I believe that if animals have a sixth sense, then human beings must do too. I have spent most of my adult life honing this intuition and following it has always served me well. It is this innate knowing that believes with every fibre of my being that there is a higher power (or God) and it’s on my side. Hell, it’s on everyone’s side!

Atheists may say there is no scientific proof that God exists: faith is a feeling and one which may stem from “childhood indoctrination”. Personally, I think I am proof to the contrary as my faith in God is despite my background. But to be honest, where your faith comes from is a moot point. What’s wrong with faith as a feeling?

Don’t we see the world through a prism of perception? Isn’t all ‘truth’ an individual or commonly agreed perception? What if I go outside on a windy day and say it’s “cold”, while you say it’s “fresh and lovely”, who’s right? Aren’t we both stating what is true for us? If I look at my husband and say he’s the most handsome man I have ever seen, is this false because 100 other people don’t agree with me? I put to you that faith is exactly the same. We don’t have to agree on a common label or a common belief. The only thing that matters is we settle on beliefs that are true for us and which serve us, comfort us.

My God does not need to be relevant to anyone but me. That is the beauty of faith. My God is in all of us and around us, and between us. In my world, God is whatever you want it to be, as long as it makes you feel good. Whatever you choose to believe in - angels, God, Martians, Allah or nothing at all - make sure you believe in it because it works for you. It works for you if it makes you feel good. Any beliefs which fill you with fear should be disbanded because frankly who needs to be afraid of what they can’t see!

There’s enough ugliness in the world and on television to keep you awake at night, I say choose beliefs and thoughts which sustain you when the chaos of the world is too much to bear. Life is often unpredictable, uncontrollable and anxiety ridden so everyone can benefit from having a little faith in their life. If not faith in God, then at least have faith in your fellow human beings.

Faith is hope and the promise of brighter days to come. Sometimes faith is all we have. Maybe if we all agreed to have faith in each other, we wouldn’t need to separate ourselves with religious labels. Maybe we wouldn’t be invalidating and killing each other in the name of God or nothing at all.
Photo by Mr.Kris

I’ve had a lousy week. Seven days of a respiratory infection, coupled with a feverishly ill son. I may not technically be dying, but I’ve definitely wallowed in the possibility as I’ve lain on the couch with a whimpering child and a hacking cough. Attractive image, I know.

As a consequence, my posting has fallen off a bit. My new SHE-POWER Fiction is still in draft form and I hope to polish it up and publish it in the next day or so. In the mean time, all this lounging around the house has had an upside in that I’ve spent lots of time surfing the web, feeding my groggy, medicated brain.

Here are the links I’ve cruised and loved this week:

Life on a Shoestring Budget has some creative and adventurous ideas for how to make your dollar go further. Check out their new 5 part series: 20 Ways to Live on Almost Nothing.

Cath Lawson writes about how to make yourself stand out as a freelancer in: Nude Freelancer Storms Google Campus

Leo from Zen Habits provides some tips for how to lift yourself out of a funk in: Flip Your Karma: 8 Tricks to Turn the Bad into the Awesome

Celebrate being a free woman with generous human rights this Saturday, 8 March by visiting the official International Womens Day website. There’s podcasts, photographs, information on the 97 years of IWD and some interesting links.

Caroline Middlebrook gives 6 Steps to Find the Right Work-Life Balance. I really liked this article as this is something I struggle with. I seem to go through binges where I neglect my work and lavish family, friends with quality time, then I panic that I’m not getting enough writing done so I chain myself to the computer and fob everyone off until my son practically has to rip my fingers off the keyboard. Can I blame astrology here? Us Librans struggle with balance…

The article, Sex, Blogs and Screenwriting got my attention this week with a focus on Diablo Cody, the winner of this year’s Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay. The film in question, Juno is a must see, and Diablo Cody is particularly interesting because she first gained attention as a blogger. This led to a book deal, which then led to a screen writing career, which then led to her stealing MY DREAM!

And following up with more Juno goodness, Mia Freedman, a well known Australian writer/media personality wrote a funny post on the Academy Award nominated actress, Ellen Page. Check out Not that there’s anything wrong with being a lesbian, you understand. Make sure you watch the videos. I like people who don’t take themselves too seriously.

Enjoy this blog while you can; a Hollywood producer is going to be calling me any day now…

Photo by spoon

Mary at Goodlife Zen has a great post up at the moment: 7 Strategies for Good Luck. In it, she talks about the recent findings of an English University Professor, who did a study find out why some people are lucky, while others are not.

Richard Wiseman even ran a project called Luck School to see if participants could learn to be luckier, and what he found was that they could. His results show that people are not born lucky, some just know how to bring luck to them.

The article and the following commentary got me thinking: What is luck anyway? Whether I call myself lucky or not really comes down to perception; how I choose to see myself and others. And these views are not universal.

Some people might look at celebrities and think everyone would agree they’re lucky, but we don’t know what goes on in these people’s private lives. Just look at the recent trials of Britney Spears, and there’s a strong case that luck in one area may be a double edged sword in others.

Let me illustrate the importance of perception with three examples. Who do you think is the luckiest?

1. a man whose wife of 10 years has left him and taken their children, but the day after the divorce he wins $20,000
2. a 40 year old female lawyer, who earns $150,00 a year, would love a family, but can’t find Mr Right
3. a woman who has a loving family and is financially stable, but is overweight with diabetes and a heart condition
4. a happily married man with 4 children, an average job, good friends, but who always struggles to pay the bills

It’s not so easy to judge, is it?

If you asked me a year ago if I was lucky, I would have said “No”. I’ve had my fair share of misfortune in my life, and I’ve never been one to win lotteries or competitions. However, in the last year I’ve had an attitude adjustment. I’ve started practising conscious grati