When I started SHE-POWER Women with the beautiful Jemi, I always had in mind that I would do a partner interview series of SHE-POWER Men.

Like the women’s interview series, SHE-POWER Men is about celebrating ordinary men who live their lives in extraordinary, yet simple ways. Men who like and respect women. Men who strive to live with integrity and honesty.

Clay Collins was always my first choice to kick off SHE-POWER Men. His alternative productivity blog, The Growing Life is somewhat of a blogging phenomenon - over 1000 subscribers by the end of its second month. Then there’s his guest articles at blogs such as Dumb Little Man, Zenhabits, Write to Done and Copyblogger, making Clay one of blogging’s new rising stars.

But most of all I chose Clay Collins because he’s a smart and interesting man with a lot to say and a gifted writer with a truly fresh approach. He’s also been a great blogging buddy of mine and has an easy charm and sincerity that I really wanted to capture for SHE-POWER Men. And if you’ve ever read the Dedication to his Grandparents on The Growing Life then you’ll know why I’m voting him Blogging Bachelor of the Year.

Here is Clay Collins talking life, women, blogs, politics and more.

My idea of the perfect weekend is…

Waking up next to someone awesome, going for a run in the arboretum (or a long bike ride), having a picnic outside with friends, listening to some NPR, and doing some writing.

My mother always told me…

My mother is amazing. My mom always tells me to “be good.” The dialogue goes something like this:

———
Me: talk to you later, mom.

Mom: OK, Clay. Be good.

Me: [Sigh]. I’ll be good mom.

Mom: And you know what that means, Clay.

Me: Yeah, mom, I know what that means.

Mom: It means take care of yourself.

Me: I know. Thanks mom. I love you.

———
In this day and age, so many parents coerce their children into getting good grades, obtaining a respectable career, etc. Parents too frequently convey the notion that “being good” means towing the societal line. So I’m eternally grateful that my mom taught me that being good simply means doing what’s right for me and taking care of myself (physically, intellectually, emotionally, etc.). Taking care of myself, of course, also means taking care of others, because doing our part to lift each other up is a basic human need.

My mom also tried to brainwash me into thinking that I could do whatever I wanted to do. She always told me that “you can do whatever you want if you really want it.” For better or worse, the brainwashing attempts were successful.

What’s your favorite blog to read? Which is most overrated?

Melissa Pierce’s blog is damn cool. And my friend Laurie also has a pretty awesome blog as well. This blog is also pretty fantastic. I also really like 1000 Cuts by Monk Mojo.

The productivity/self-development blogosphere has its share of approval-seeking and overly sensitive writers, and it’s nice to see someone having fun with the whole genre. (Yes, it’s true that Monk Mojo’s made me look like a badass but his blog would probably be a favorite regardless). Rolf Potts vagabonding blog is also damn cool. That man’s my hero.

The problem I have with most self-help/productivity blogs is that they flood us with tips (we’ve hit the TIP tipping point and things have gone WAY too far). If I need to acquire a new skill, or am looking for a list of 100 motivation hacks, then I’ll go to Google.

What I want in my feed reader is (1) good & artful writing, and (2) perspective. I’m looking for creative non-fiction.

My most defining moment was…

When I discovered life and my adult self in Ghana, and when I returned from Ghana to Minneapolis and built a new reality. Like Ethan Zukerman, my heart’s in Accra. I want to go back.

Where do you hope to be in 10 years time?

Writing in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Like so many others, I love writing. I could do it all day. I don’t have issues with writers block, or passion. I just don’t have the time to write 24/7 and a man’s got to make a living. So my dream is to have enough money to feed my family and children, enough time to write, and to be somewhat well-received as an author. It’s nice to know that your work is being read.

What makes you angry and/or sad?

Oh god. HP technical support in Bangalore really pisses me off. President Bush. Military solutions to non-military problems. Hunger really makes me sad because it’s a problem that doesn’t have to exist. Xenophobia, water boarding, and human rights violations also get me worked up.

Do you think men are more likely to be unfaithful than women?

No I don’t. I’d recommend taking a look at two great books: Sperm Wars and The Red Queen.

Do you vote?

Absolutely. If you don’t then you’re partially responsible for this mess we’re in.

If YES, is there anything (eg. a scandal) that would change your mind about your preferred candidate?

Oh sure. If I found out about several covered-up connections between Barack Obama and big business then I’d have to reassess my preference.

Do you regard yourself as a “good catch”? Why or why not?

As always, it depends. I like trying new things so dating me usually involves trying out different camp sites, making new recipes, swimming in new bodies of water, going on impromptu road trips, and good substantive conversations combined with a healthy dose of nonsense.

That said, I’m meeting more and more women these days who are looking to start a family and want a guy to be (in part) infrastructure for their lives (or an enabler for a laundry list of goals). I’m not that guy right now. Someday I’ll want to be a father and when that day comes I’ll probably embrace a more conventional approach to relationships, but until that day comes I’m unlikely to be infrastructure for someone else’s life. I’ll welcome certain things when I’m ready but I’m not there yet.

I really hope that this doesn’t sound misogynistic.

At what point will you feel that you and The Growing Life are a success?

I think it’s already a success and I’m happy with who I am as a person. TGL’s a success because my readers and I are on the same page. When I write something that really resonates with me it also tends to resonate with them. I really didn’t know what to think when I started TGL, but I ended up with 200 subscribers the first month and 800 the second. Everything else feels like gravy. Life is good.

And a Few Questions From The Readers…

What is the biggest change you plan to make in your life this year?

Question courtesy of Cath Lawson

I really don’t know. I honestly haven’t thought about it very much. I’m really not very goal oriented. I’d like to buy a condo and Minneapolis and start laying down very deep roots there, so maybe that’s it.

Settling down, family, marriage: looking forward to, or scared of?

Question courtesy of Vered@MomGrind

Children are great and I’ll happily commit to someone when I’m ready to have children. Probably not earlier. Getting married prematurely, however, scares me sh*tless.

Do you think men remember romantic/relationship events like women do? Eg. First kiss

Question courtesy of Charlotte@CharmedLife

I actually think guys are far more sentimental than women. Guys savor deep emotional connections because they happen much less frequently. So while guys seem to be FAR TOO LOGICAL most of the time, those intense emotional moments are driven much deeper into our psyches because they’re peak experiences.

Was there ever a time when you considered giving up on your blog?

Question courtesy of Chris@WatdaWat

Not really. The whole experience has been great. Sometimes I think I should be spending more time on my book proposal and less time on blog entries, but I don’t think The Growing Life will be going away anytime soon. It’s too much fun, and growing far too fast, for me to put down.

Thanks

Clay

Photo 1 of Clay and friend
Photo 2 provided by StewieD
Photo 3 provided by hjl

Today, I had a most unproductive day. Last night I wrote out a list of what I wanted to achieve today and the only item I managed to cross off was number 4 on the list: spend quality one-on-one time with Bunny (my son).

We cuddled and watched cartoons. We did puzzles and read books. We ate ridiculous amounts of vegemite on crackers, and seemed to spend hours discussing the complex relationships between Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends and why Diesel doesn’t play nicely with the ‘Steamies’. I’m sorry if you have no idea what I’m talking about here. Believe me, I wish I didn’t know about Thomas either.

The tasks that didn’t happen were not in themselves vital to mankind, but I do feel dissatisfied that I didn’t even attempt to stick with the list. The other items on it were:

• dye my hair - nope it’s still faded brown laced with grey
• help Bunny to paint on a couple of plain t-shirts I bought him - fabric paint is in the cupboard and the t-shirts, well I have no idea where they are
• vacuum - just couldn’t be bothered to piece the heavy contraption together and lug it around the house
• clean the oven - too much like hard work
• polish the next part of SHE-POWER Fiction and write a final draft of a truly enlightening post - um, sorry guys

I’ve spent a lot of today feeling guilty about this lack of productivity. It’s not like I set unachievable goals for the day. Six items to tick off is hardly putting on the pressure. But today I just couldn’t get motivated to DO anything. Maybe it’s the weather.

It’s been rather wet and chilly here in my south coast pocket of NSW, Australia. Winter’s coming in fast, which is pretty crap really because this summer was completely sub-standard. Too much rain, too much wind, too many overcast days and not enough scorching sunshine.

Like many people this has left me feeling resentful toward the change of season. I feel short changed and have found myself standing in my backyard berating the weather. Loudly. It doesn’t seem to mind, and I have yet to be struck down by a sudden bolt of lightening, though Mother Nature could just be toying with me before she punishes me for my disrespectful raving and use of foul language. I may have to keep a look out for sudden tornadoes that pop up and strike my neighborhood, missing everyone’s else’s house except for mine. If it can happen on Wisteria Lane, then no one’s safe, I say.

Or maybe the weather is just an excuse I’m grasping for because I feel lazy for choosing to drop out of responsible adult life today. Even though I am a mother and spending time with my son is part of my ‘job’, on the rare occasion I do nothing else except have fun with him I feel like I am piking out and doing the wrong thing.

On those days when my husband asks “How was your day?” I try to come up with something else that I did, just so I have something ‘grown up’ to tell him. Something that sounds like work. Because to non-stay-at-home parents it doesn’t sound like work to play trains, chasings or play dough.

Although when you do it day in and day out, it is just another part of your job description. It needs to be done just like making the beds and doing the food shopping, but it’s worse because it can feel like your brain is being eaten by an insatiable monster you gave birth to. And some days you get so tired of the giving and the listening and the endless patience required that you’d pay anything to go sit in an office cubicle and tap away at a computer. Anything.

But today was not one of those days. Today I wanted to be a kid and live only in the moment like my son does. I wanted to throw out the list and say to hell with being productive. Of course, Bunny embraced this undivided attention whole heartedly with no clue of the internal struggles mummy was going through as she drove Percy along the track.

My son does not care that I need to keep a household running and feel like a productive member of society. To him, I am mummy. Nothing more. Nothing less. Today, I thought that sounded pretty good.

So, what have I actually said in this post that is meaningful and worthwhile? Hmm, nothing much. Well, that is exactly what I accomplished today. Now, I like the symetry in that, don’t you?

Photo by Fabiola Medeiro