Mother. Writer. Aging Rebel. Eternal Optimist

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

- Robert Brault, Author

We have all heard that there is power in the present. This moment, and the little routines and rituals that make up your daily family existence are where happiness is found and memories created.

But how much do you actually APPLY this knowledge in your life?

If you’re like me, you’re always moving forward, assessing how far you’ve come, planning your next move,  and caught in an endless spin cycle of act/think/worry. You know it’s no way to live - this frenzied movement of mind and body - but you persist anyway.

What I am saying is not ground breaking. Eckhart Tolle famously calls it The Power of Now, However, in an over-stimulated world, where there is so much competing for our attention and our energy, it is a message that deserves repeating.

The details of life are where the magic lies

So often we get caught up in work - putting in the extra hours, pitching for that promotion, worrying about deadlines, office politics or how to get more clients. The hours get sucked away. Finally, we switch that channel off, only to start thinking about our goals or personal dramas.

We think and strive and worry and complain - stuck on the idea that if we only had MORE we would be satisfied. More time. More achievements. More freedom. More money. More. More. More. More. More.

I know I’m not alone in saying I want to do a lot with my life. I think I already have. But there is much more I would like to achieve and experience, and sometimes I get caught up in that wanting and planning and the need to “make it happen”. So much so that I lose all sense of time and perspective.

Add to that my always thinking, plotting writer’s mind, and it’s fair to say most days pink elephants could tango across my lawn and I really wouldn’t notice.

The Sleepwalking Parent

The problem is compounded when you’re a parent. Now, you are not the only person to miss out if you speed through life, ticking off goals, pushing forward, stuck on yourself and your ambitions.

Your children pay the price - sitting on the sidelines, waiting for you to notice them. Ever hopeful that you’ll slow down and give them your undivided attention.

I would like to say I am not guilty of taking my son’s love and youthful exuberance for granted, but that would be a lie. What I can say is I am much better at being present in my life than I’ve ever been.

I still hope to be a best selling author one day. I hope to travel to the far reaches of the world and own a holiday house in my beloved Mexico. But I also know none of these goals will matter if Bunny and MusicMan are not there to share them.

If I sleep walk through my son’s childhood - not seeing him grow and change, not creating memories to shape his life - there will be no achievements to fill that void. I’ll have failed at the one thing that really counted.

So, as hard as I may find it now, I’ll persevere with learning to stay in the moment. When this is my reward, how can I not?

Do you truly live in the everyday beauty of your life?

Are there any techniques you’d like to share that help you stay focused on the moment and the little things, so they don’t pass you by?

Kelly

Flickr Photo by Lille Abe

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Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Chardonnay.

Chardonnay is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Chardonnay can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Chardonnay almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living.

Chardonnay may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Chardonnay. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, overwhelming feelings of lust, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister!

WARNINGS:

The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to think you can sing.

The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

The consumption of Chardonnay may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many women as you feel may benefit!

Now, just imagine what you could achieve with a good Merlot!!!

——————————–

This is NOT my work. I received it in an email from my cousin and loved it. The photo is of her and I at another cousin’s engagement party last weekend. I consumed way too much champagne and was loving the world!

I think this photo was from later in the night and I look like I’m about to drop. The next day the picture was a whole lot uglier…

Have a good weekend everyone and I’ll see you back here on Monday.

Kelly

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“The loneliest woman in the world is a woman without a close woman friend.”

- George Santayana, The Life of Reason, 1905-1906

I’ve been pondering friendship lately. Partly counting my blessings, partly marveling at how different all my friends are, and partly baffled as to why some people make me feel immediately comfortable, while others set me on edge.

I have been blessed with some phenomenal female friends in my life, and these relationships mean the world to me. I moved house and schools a lot as a kid and changed countries too, so I didn’t get to forge bonds which could continue with the years.

In highschool we finally settled in one location and at fourteen I made my first real best friend. The kind of best friend you hold onto for years. The kind of person who becomes a constant in your life. Someone that is part of the landscape of who you are.

GW and I are nothing alike. Seriously. I’m not sure you could get two people more different in many ways.

At times we have drifted from each other’s lives, seen each other less frequently, shared less secrets. But we always come back around again. We are like sisters. Sometimes I am sure we roll our eyes over the other’s shoulder and think “What are you going on about?” But our loyalty is absolute.

My relationship with GW is not the only enduring one I have. Almost all my closest friends have been with me for 15-20 years.

Our friendships have flourished in spite of distance, vastly different personalities, and changing relationships, careers, and motherhood.

Taking Time to Reconnect

Recently I went away for my annual Girls weekend with a few of these long time friends. The weekend away is our ritual - an opportunity to separate ourselves from partners and children, to reconnect as friends, to get back to the young women we once were.

We don’t do a hell of a lot when we’re away, so we don’t travel far. We stay somewhere relaxing near the water and we spend two days and nights basically talking, eating, watching DVDs and drinking. It’s heaven.

This year we added a beauty therapist to the mix and she came for the Saturday to pamper us and ensure everybody really did relax and leave the outside world behind for awhile.

I don’t know how women go about their lives without female friends. I don’t live in the pockets of my girlfriends - most are juggling families and busy careers and live at least an hour away from me - but when we see each other we slot into our own groove. Catching up on all the news, sharing our struggles and celebrating our wins.

We never have to go through an awkward settling in phase and there is little that we won’t discuss.  Our time together is easy, fluid, and over all too quickly. But this synergy is not something we can find with everyone.

Friendships have a life of their own. They may be forged through common circumstance or interests, but they prevail because they meet other, more complex emotions and needs.

Recently, I wondered what distinguishes my closest friends from the other relationships I have, or have had, in my life. This is what I came up with.

My Secret to Great Friendships

Mutually supportive, emotionally rewarding relationships take time and you have to make them important. You have to value each other.

People don’t have great friendships by accident. They work on it.

And the older you get and the more responsibilities you have, the more you need to consciously make the time to nurture your friendships. Marriage and kids change things, but that sense of being there for each other doesn’t have to go away.

When I look over my friendships, there is one thread that they all share. The one thread I need above all else, and that is NO JUDGMENT.

I may not always behave in ways my friends will understand, nor make the choices they would for themselves, but in the end they all embrace me for my uniqueness and support me unconditionally. They know I’m a good person - albeit a flawed, emotional and at times over opinionated one.

I know my friends are special because I can be my entire quirky self with them, they listen patiently to my feminist rants, ignore my colorful language, and though some are definitely more outwardly “successful” than me, they would never think of themselves as superior because of it.

Real friends commiserate when times are bad and celebrate when times are good. They know when to let you go and when to reign you in. They forgive your petty foibles, understand when you retreat to deal with an over complicated life, and don’t say “I told you so” when you stuff up.

I love my friends because they are always there. Not around the corner, like maybe I wished. But in my heart. A phone call away. When I need them.

Do you value your friends and make time for them?

What qualities do you look for in a friend?

This post was inspired by the beautiful Trisha, a great friend and a loyal reader of my blog. Thanks for your open heart, willing ear and sage advice. x

Kelly

Flickr Photo1 by Alireza Teimoury

Flickr Photo2 by Greekadman

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I know I have fallen behind on my posting schedule again. I’m endeavoring to post once a week, but sometimes life gets in the way.

Today, however, something happened that I simply had to write about. I had one of those rare moments in life when you are actually struck with wonder at how happy you are.

A moment of pure, uncomplicated, soul in flight bliss.

In the past, I have mostly had these experiences while traveling. One that was particularly memorable occurred while I was bumping along on a ramshackle bus in Nicaragua with MusicMan.

We were on route from Leon to Managua, and the bus was overcrowded, as all Central American buses are. The windows were down, the breeze licked through my hair and dried the grimy sweat on my face. And my seat companion was an ancient looking local man, who spent much of the trip staring at me and smiling.

He had no teeth, black eyes and deep creases etched into his face. With him he carried an overflowing shopping bag that smacked me in the ribs every time the bus hit one of many potholes in the road.

In other circumstances, I might have felt annoyed, but that day with my peaceful companion, I could only take in the row of volcanoes outside my window, the fields that stretched out before me, the radiant pink glow of the setting sun, and I was so happy. So ridiculously happy and thrilled to be alive.

Today, I had another one of those moments of bliss while out for my afternoon walk.

I set off in a positive frame of mind because I made some real progress on a writing job today and had also managed to mark a few domestic chores off my To-Do list. I stretched and hit a good stride, choosing a route that weaves around my mountain suburb, along a bike track, over a creek and back home.

It’s a peaceful route with just the right amount of hills and flat surfaces. It’s a good challenge for a run, but today I felt like the meditative state of a walk. I had reached the bike track and was in full swing when a few sets of walkers, cyclists and runners passed me by from the opposite direction.

The area I live in is quite relaxed and friendly, but today was something else. Every person who passed me, including two teenage boys, said hello or commented on what a great afternoon it was. And they were right.

It was not long before dusk. Mild and still, the sky blue, but with that golden tone that signals the end of the day. I smiled, and with each exchange came a little extra spring in my step. Then I rounded the curve and came out from the cloak of the trees and it hit me.

The mountain stretching to its peak in front of me. A few puffy white clouds and a fading glow of the sun. A beautiful site. A flame of energy lit inside of me. I looked around at the houses, the slow swing of the trees, the gentle bubble of the creek. I heard the distant twitter of the birds, the absence of cars. The overwhelming quiet and I felt it.

Undiluted happiness.

Happiness that comes from nothing. That needs nothing. A gift from within or above. The best kind of surprise. An overwhelming sense of gratitude for my life and all that I have.

It’s not perfect, my life. Recently I have struggled to get a grip on where I am going, my changing rekationships or how to handle some issues in my world, but in that moment I felt as if everything was as it should be.

There was nothing to change. Nowhere to go. There was no lack, no worry, fear or anger. Just crazy, grinning bliss.

What an amazing end to a great day. Hope yours was as good.

Have you experienced these moments of pure bliss? Do they happen often? Would you care to share one with us?

Flickr Photo by Wild Pianist

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I love all art, but stories are my oxygen.

I couldn’t live in a world where I couldn’t watch, read or tell stories. And film is the most engaging storytelling device of all, with the maestro of this experience being the screenwriter.

As you’d expect of a long time film buff and writer, the Academy Awards are a special television event I look forward to every year. I can see why people may see them as extravagant and self indulgent, but I think celebration of art is important.

Film is a powerful medium.

It can ease contentious issues into everyday dinner conversation and open people’s minds to the plight of others without the confrontation that can go with political activism.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner was very controversial in its day for its depiction of an inter-racial relationship. I’d like to think that controversy is much diminished today. And at a time when just the word, AIDS sent people into a panic, Philadelphia gave an empathetic face to this disease with Tom Hanks, the all-American hero.

And that’s why sometimes the Academy Awards are not just all froth and bubble.

This year a young screenwriter named Dustin Lance Black won the Oscar for Best Original Screeplay for Milk, the biopic of murdered Californian politician and gay rights activist, Harvey Milk.

I haven’t seen this film yet (it hasn’t come out near me) and only know some basic elements of the story, but I am definitely going to see it.

Has there ever been a more emotionally compelling Oscar’s speech? I’ve been watching these awards for about 25 years and I don’t think so.

This speech is beautiful for the simplicity of its heartfelt message and the emotion that this young gay man feels about his place in society, in his country.

Even if you don’t care a toss for films or film folk, you have to take a minute and a half to watch this video. It makes me even more convinced of the power of love and the need to afford equal rights to all citizens, regardless of who they choose to love.

Because love and respect are as necessary to humans as food and water. By giving someone unconditional love, you really can change their world.

Start with your own children. Regardless of who they are, love them fiercely.

Show them you are on their side. Tell them they are okay exactly the way they are. That they deserve something great in this life. And there is nothing greater than love.

And if you haven’t already, watch this other inspiring video over at Jungle of Life.

Have a good weekend, my friends.

Kelly

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After attacking shallow media consumption and the spread of false values, I thought I’d show that I’m not all serious and and dedicate this post to my latest crop of sexiest Hollywood actors.

I say ‘latest’ because actors come and go and tastes change, so if I had written this 5 years ago, Russell Crowe might be on my Sexiest Celebrity list, but today he does nothing for me at all.

And that’s the thing with lust, isn’t it?

Sex appeal is a very personal thing. It hinges heavily on an individual physical reaction and sometimes it’s very hard to define why we are attracted to certain people.

Of course celluloid lust is at a distance, so what gets us hot is probably a lot more contingent on physical beauty than what may attract our attention in real life.

Face to face, who we find sexy may rely on not just good looks, but everything about that person and our reaction to them. Their intelligence, wit, charm,  strength, artistic intensity, even a great laugh. Other times an unquantifiable chemistry makes us lusty for someone who may not be our ‘type’, but still we are mesmerized.

Why am I thinking about Hollywood Hotties? Because I re-watched one of my favorite films last week, and it had me fantasizing about sex.

Or more accurately, sex with Leonardo Di Caprio.

Yes MusicMan, I’m sorry,  but the past few years I have not missed one opportunity to be alone in my mind with Leonardo Di Caprio in a darkened cinema.

Ever since I saw The Aviator a few years ago I have been a MASSIVE Leo fan. Who knew Romeo and Juliet’s pretty boy would grow up to be such a talented, edgy looking man.

If you have not seen some of Leo’s latest work, be sure to check it out. He has blossomed into an amazing actor and has the kind of searing intensity that I have always been attracted to.

However, Leonardo is not my great celebrity love. That honour belongs to Johnny Depp, who I have been infatuated with since I was a teen and he was a young heart throb on 21 Jump Street.

I am not going to talk about why I love Johnny here because that is a post in itself. My adoration of him is less about screen lust and more about being being awestruck by him and everything he represents.

And it’s not just me who feels this way about Johnny Depp. Millions of women of all ages nod in agreement when you mention hero worshipping this actor. One of my readers, Jay from The Depp Effect has even included Johnny in her blog title and in this post she explains why.

Some other actors who get my Sexy tick (and who you may never even have heard of) are:

Ryan Gosling (The Notebook, Half Nelson)

Ryan Gosling has movie star looks, loads of talent and a killer smile. By all accounts he should be a lot more famous than he is. Why he’s not, is a big part of why I like him.

Ryan Gosling avoids being the heart throb, keeps a low media profile and chooses edgy, independent films like Half Nelson or Lars and The Real Girl. When he has been interviewed he comes across as self deprecating and unbelievably normal. Plus, I can’t get past those bedroom eyes.

Josh Hollaway (Lost)

I could wax on about artistic integrity I guess, but really when it comes down to Josh Hollaway, I just can’t get my eyes off him when he’s on screen.

Part of it is the character he plays on Lost. Sawyer is bad, but good. Smart and sarcastic, then alternately earnest and vulnerable. Then there’s the dimples, twinkling blue-green eyes, that sexy over long shaggy hair, and a smoothly sculpted chest that is on display in many Lost episodes (thank you to the scriptwriters - you’re doing a great job there). So when it comes to Josh, I just say take a look at his photo.

Hugh Jackman (Australia, The Prestige)

What to say about Hugh Jackman. He’s Australian. He not only acts, but sings and dances. He can be macho in the X Men, refined in Kate & Leopold and camp in the stage production of The Boy from Oz.

He’s a family man who married an older woman - the smart and sassy Deborrah-Lee Furness - and is famous for his grace and generosity. Hugh Jackman may actually be the perfect man.

Colin Farrell (In Bruges, The Recruit)

Where can a Sexiest Man list be without the completely inappropriate bad boy entrant. For me that is the chain smoking, cussing, tattooed, ex addict and sometime actor, Colin Farrell. Colin actually became known for his acting this year when he won a Best Supporting Actor award at the Golden Globes, but for a few years now he’s been known more for his womanizing and drug taking.

Neither of these attributes are at all attractive in a partner, but for a roll in the hay, well Colin Farrell embodies my penchant for bad boys. Luckily I outgrew this when it came to real life relationships, but when we’re talking about objects of my lusty affections, I am nowhere near as mature. Colin Farrell gets my motor running in a big way.

So, now it’s your turn. Come on, ‘fess up, which movie stars or rockers, sportsmen or benign fashion models make you all hot and bothered?

Photo of Johnny Depp sourced from People Magazine

Photo of Ryan Gosling sourced from Gossipsauce.com

Photo of Josh Hollaway sourced from Starpulse

Photo of Hugh Jackman sourced from People.com

Photo of Colin Farrell sourced from Sofeminine.co.uk

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I haven’t posted a funny for awhile, so I thought I’d share something that got a laugh out of me this week. I think it’s pretty clever and very true.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and I’ll see you for another post on Monday.

The Silent Generation

People born before 1946.

The Baby Boomers

People born between 1947 and 1964.

Generation X

People born between 1965 and 1983.

Generation Y

People born between 1984 and 2002.

Why do we call the last one generation Y?

I don’t know, but a cartoonist explains it eloquently below…

LOL…

This really hits home for me because before Bunny was born I was working as an ESL teacher. I taught international students from the ages of 15 and up. Most of my students were under the age of 25, and considering this generation’s preoccupation with low riding jeans, I saw a lot of butt crack in my teaching years!

Have a cracking weekend!

Kelly

Flickr photo by carf

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Do you know who this woman is?

I don’t. But apparently she’s ‘famous’ and her name is Kim Kardashian.

Wikipedia says she is a celebutante (huh?), socialite, model, actress and television personality who has a sex tape in circulation. Sounds like she’s making a real contribution to society, doesn’t she?

You may be wondering why I am picking on this defenceless media poser, and really I don’t mean to. I know nothing about this woman, so it’s quite possible she’s a lovely human being who just happens to to like having her photo taken and getting her kit off for amateur film makers.

What I do have a problem with is the notion that people like this and the Paris Hiltons of the world are held up in the media spotlight like they are important or more interesting than you and I, when in truth they have no discernable talent or achievements to speak of.

Is it just me, or has the developed world become a very shallow place where marketing is sold as news and we believe all that glitters is indeed gold?

In fact, unless it’s shiny and glittering we don’t want to know about it. Fame, wealth, perky breasts, unlined faces, and designer labels modeled by your favorite celebrity - apparently this is what matters.

The following articles I read recently left me feeling more than a bit depressed.

Women and Body Image: Ten Disturbing Facts - illustrates the widening gap between media images of women and the actual living, breathing kind.

A Community for Good Looking People - Vered at Momgrind takes aim at a ridiculous new website where you can upload your photo and have your appearance graded by perfect strangers. If you’re lucky you might be ticked as “stunning”, or your self esteem might take a beating if some idiot decides you’re actually “horrifying”.

Celebrity New Mothers Put Your Clothes back on Dammit! - Australian journalist, Mia Freedman vents her frustration at the media’s preoccupation with celebrity mothers and their post baby bodies. The unfortunate truth is if you’re reading a general news article about motherhood, there’s a good chance it’s the typical celebrity photo spread where an actress is paid an obscene amount of money to flash some skin and let us common folk in on the secret to how she shed that dreaded baby weight. Because everyone knows this is what new mothers should be thinking about in those first few months of their baby’s life.

N.Y Post Cartoon Picks on Jessica Simpson’s Weight - Ridiculing a woman’s body isn’t satire or funny. Shame on them.

What kind of fucked up world do we live in when learning how to be a mother comes second to having toned abs?

You can dismiss this as filler for mindless women’s magazines, but at what point does the filler become so prevalent that it actually distorts people’s perceptions of what’s important and newsworthy?

The Jessica Simpson ’story’ came to my attention via news headlines. Yes, hard to believe, but media reaction to a young woman’s body shape was deemed general news. So much so that even the President of the United States was supposed to have an opinion on this breaking cover story. Are you kidding me?

We have become so sold on the notion that image and success are everything that we’ll buy overpriced undies just because David Beckham advertises them, it’s okay for magazines to deliver us photoshopped cartoon like images sold as real beauty, and teenage models who have barely finished developing are used to showcase clothes that only adult women can actually afford.

Image, fame and material success have become everything, while substance, virtue and courage are too often relegated to the back of the news stories.

The world watched Britney Spears’ meltdown with bated breath and salivates over self indulgent, drugged out actors like Lindsay Lohan, while around the world people die from starvation and genocide and you’ll be lucky if it makes page 12 of the paper.

I think all this media focus on the trivial is part of a much greater societal change.  Real problems, real people, hell, even spending REAL MONEY that you earned, none of it is “cool” anymore.

We’re all being sold on a fantasy:

You can look like Heidi Klum if you just diet and exercise enough

You can look young forever

You have the right to endless credit

You need a bigger house and a better car than your neighbours

It’s all crap. Society is caught up in an hypnotic pull of so many lies it can’t see straight, and slowly but surely it’s destroying us.

Sorry if I sound negative, but I am feeling very disillusioned with where the world is heading these days. I think something has to change and fast. It’s like we have too much money and no sense.

Maybe this is the harsh lesson we have to learn from the global financial meltdown.

Forget about the BMW, the McMansion, the plastic surgery, the $200 miracle face creams and get back to basics.

Look inside yourself and see who you really are and forget about comparing yourself to others.

If you’re lucky the answer will be an average sized, healthy adult with a few cuddly bits and a lot of smile lines; plus a job, a loving family, a roof over your head and friends to share a meal with. If you’re really blessed, you might even have a satisfying career, an annual holiday and hobbies which make your weekends fly by.

If you have all these things, then my grandmother’s generation would have thought you were rich and most definitely successful. It’s a shame somewhere along the line that message got lost.

What do you think? Should I just settle back down and take a CHILL PILL, or is society really losing the plot?

Kelly

Flickr Photo1 by BiggerPictureImages.com and

Flickr Photo2 by kampol likitkanjanakul, pop. FASHION

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Australia is experiencing its worst natural disaster in history.

Victoria’s week of soaring temperatures, which reached as high as 47.9° C in some towns (or 118.22° F), along with gale force winds have created the most horrific bush fires this country has ever seen.

As I write this 173 people are dead, over 750 homes have been destroyed and whole towns have been wiped out. An estimated 330,00 hectares (815,446 acres) of land and its wildlife have been decimated.

These figures are impossible for me to get my head around, but worse still is the knowledge that the death toll can only rise because there are areas that the fire fighters still cannot reach.

Australia is a country that suffers with bush fires, but nothing like this.

In the area of Kinglake, a resident, who survived the blaze, reported that…

“it took just two minutes for the flames to travel 20km, roar up the Sherwin Ranges and explode over the top.”

Two minutes for homes to be felled and people to die from a fire they never even saw coming.

The devastation that these communities must be experiencing is unimaginable, and I think as a nation we are still in shock. I know it feels quite surreal for me to be sitting in a comfortable house south of Sydney, NSW, on a rainy day writing this, a cup of tea at hand, everything normal and oh so easy.

It feels worse than surreal. I feel guilty - helpless. Like my life shouldn’t go on as normal while my countrymen and women are suffering so.

Rationally of course I know I have done what I can by donating to the Emergency Relief Fund of the Australian Red Cross, but still this uneasiness and sense of loss lingers. I guess it’s common to feel this way when there is great suffering around you, though you and your family are fine.

For everyone affected by this tragedy, I send my prayers.

For the fire fighters, Australian Army and brave citizens of Victoria who are battling to put out these fires and help their communities recover, I applaud your courage and grace.

As a fellow Australian I grieve, while giving thanks for the tenacity of our nation’s spirit. We are people who are generous and enduring. Whose strength and hope cannot be contained or destroyed. Not even by mother nature.

Photos copyright of  The Herald Sun

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